


Running Blindfolded

by embro



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Boyfriends, Fic writer AU, First Times, Fluff, Harry has some issues, Harry is a rambley fool, Harry writes terrible smut, I promise a happy ending!!, Louis Tomlinson/ Zayn Malik bromance, Louis has some issues, Louis is shy, Louis writes angsty deep stuff, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Smut, Tumblr AU, Virgin Louis, Zayn is practically a psychologist, and quite a bit of it, both boys top, except gay sex confuses him, just larry sex, mention of alcoholism, mentions of bullying sort of, no ziam sex soz, side Ziam, silliness, started out cracky but gets a bit sad sorryyyyy, terrible puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-21 21:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embro/pseuds/embro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a popular writer in the 'Animal Kingdom' fandom, and Harry is his biggest fan. </p><p>Louis is happy with his only friend Zayn, spending every free waking moment on Tumblr, until he meets Harry.</p><p>Then his life becomes a lot less <em>angst</em> and a lot more <em>smut</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for flowerchild, or lourrychild on tumblr!! Who asked for a tumblr au and got this :/
> 
> Also I feel like I have to say, simply because this is a fic about fic writers, THAT THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF FANTASY I HAVE ABOUT ME AND A READER OR WRITER!!! Just thought I should clear that up haha

Despite what his Mum thought, Louis had friends. He had quite a few, actually. 

He still had Zayn, who he’d known since primary school, where they bonded over being lonely. No one spoke to Louis in grade one because he refused to speak, except when the teacher asked him to and then everyone would laugh because he couldn’t say his _th_ s properly. No one spoke to Zayn either, because Zayn was the boy who threw chairs and ate glue and cut off a girl’s ponytail during arts and crafts. So the two boys would sit together during play lunch, wordlessly swapping sandwich halves and sharing biscuits, ignoring the taunts of the children around them. They were happy with each other, because all it took was one other person to push a swing.

They stuck together through High School too, even when Zayn started getting popular and Louis just stayed the same; quiet and reserved and awkward. He was never bullied though, because no one wanted to be on Zayn’s bad side and doing that would put them there. And maybe it was because they feared him, but Zayn was always invited to parties and had someone to talk to in each class. Louis, though, was still the kid that got picked last for everything, who’d hear the groans of other students when he had to make a speech, who would receive eye rolls if he ever tried to make conversation. 

But Zayn was always there. Even though he was having sex and smoking and sneaking into bars, and Louis spent his nights reading and writing and working on his blog, they always had each other. And Zayn was still the guy who he shared lunches with, who picked him first, who stayed over on weekends if Louis asked, even if he was invited to a party. 

After school came College, then Uni, and they moved to London together and shared a flat. Zayn would still drink and go to parties and go home with girls, but he was always there in the mornings to make Louis tea when he woke up and it was nice. Not necessary, but nice. 

They went to the same Uni, and both shared an English literature class; Louis because he wanted to be an English teacher and Zayn because he was an amateur poet. So they both wrote in their free time, but while Zayn wrote poetry, Louis wrote stories. Namely, fanfiction. 

He started reading it in High School, coming across slash when he was Googleing “am I gay?”. He’d never heard of it, and when he found it, he realised that yep; he was most definitely one hundred percent gay. He started to write stories that he wished could happen to him and would publish them on his Tumblr; the one that no one from school knew about because it was poems about feeling alone and the occasional pictures of hot bare chested guys. He wrote coming-out stories, stories about the popular kid at school being gay and learning his secret and falling in love, stories about his relationship with his best friend turning romantic. Because yeah, in high school he’d loved Zayn a little bit more then he should of. 

Zayn had always been nice to Louis, and he was incredibly good looking, and he was so confident in himself that Louis couldn’t help but be jealous. And when he told Zayn he was gay, Zayn didn’t even bat an eye; he just shrugged and muttered “that’s cool”, and that just made it worse because things were just so easy with Zayn and nothing changed between them. But then a popular boy at school just had to help Louis up when he tripped once, and he moved on to a new crush just like that. 

One that he wrote a story about, whose name became Luke Hartley, and Louis became Danny Brixton. Names and descriptions and character traits taken from the lead singer and drummer of Animal Kingdom. Who were the most popular band at the moment; who were the most written about and obsessed over. And Louis didn’t even like them all that much. They were arrogant and looked a bit dirty, but Louis would just write them as if they were nice guys, sometimes with a bad boy edge, and people liked it. They liked him, and his writing, even though looking back at the stories now they were pretty terrible. 

By the time he was in Uni, he had thousands of followers and his stories were the most talked about in the Animal Kingdom fandom. He had ‘fans’ and a proper following, he had people asking him for advice constantly, he had people proposing to him or sending him death threats or making blogs in dedication to him. And he knew he was good. He’d spent almost every night for the last five years perfecting his writing and imagining lives while other people his age were out living them. 

So he may have spent more time on the internet then the average person, but no one could say he didn’t have friends. He had Zayn; he had a couple of other friends at Uni that he sat with in classes or had study dates with; he had friends from the restaurant that he worked at. And he would tell his parents that, every time they called sounding worried. Asking if Louis was getting outside, going on dates, doing anything else besides staring at his laptop. He was 21 for fuck’s sake. He could take care of himself.

 

Louis closed his laptop when he heard the jangling of keys outside the front door, and immediately turned on the lamp that was beside him. He hadn’t realised it was so late until he’d cut off the only source of light in the room, and it wasn’t all that shocking that he’d been in the one spot, staring at his laptop, for the last six hours at least. 

He watched as Zayn stumbled into the room, shushing the giggling girl whose hand was grasped in his. Then the girl’s gaze found him and she let out a quick, high pitched scream. 

“Fuck.” Zayn turned quickly, and relaxed with a grin when he spotted him. “It’s just Louis.”

“Hey.” Louis muttered, hoping that his blushing cheeks would go unnoticed in the dim lighting. “Uh, I’ll just go into my room.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Stay up and chat, yeah?” and Zayn sat down right beside him on the couch, still grinning wide while the girl he was with frowned.

“This isn’t going to be like, a thing is it?” she said, drawing a triangle in the air between them with one hand while the other rested on her hip. 

Louis blushed and stuttered out a _No_ while Zayn laughed. “Nah, we’re not a package deal. Sex-wise, anyway.” She was still frowning, so he added “I haven’t seen him all day, I just want to catch up.”

“But you can catch up tomorrow.” She said it like Zayn was a little slow. “I didn’t come here for conversation.”

Zayn shrugged. “Alright. You know where the door is.” 

And Louis sighed while the girl said a few choice words and spun around on her heels. Zayn watched her leave, so when he turned he was grinning. His face dropped though when he noticed Louis’ expression. 

“Why did you do that, Zayn?” Louis sighed again. “We could have spoken tomorrow, she was right.”

“She was also rude, clearly. ‘s not like she would have had to wait long.”

“But it’s not just her. That’s happened way too many times, you sacrificing doing something fun for me. I would have gone to bed anyway.”

Zayn shrugged. “I wanted to talk to you, so that’s what I’m going to do.” 

“What do you want to talk about then?”

“What were you doing just now?” he nodded to his laptop and Louis blushed. 

“Just answering Tumblr messages.”

Zayn raised an eyebrow, and with a smirk he asked “How’s Harry?”

And Louis couldn’t help it; he broke out into a fit of giggles. Which meant he couldn’t lie and say that’s not who he was talking to. 

“What did you two talk about? Has he proposed yet?” 

“Don’t be stupid.” Louis muttered, whole face a hot red by now. “He just wanted me to read over some of his stuff.” 

Zayn groaned. “So you were reading his weird gay porn when I came in?” 

“Umm, yeah.”

Zayn laughed and pushed himself up from the couch, shouting over his shoulder as he opened the fridge “So that’s why you were so keen to get rid of me just now?”

“No, of course not! I just don’t like it when you drop everything because you assume I need human contact.” 

“Yeah, I was kidding.” Zayn passed Louis a beer and dropped back onto the couch. “Is he any good?” And when Louis’ brows creased, Zayn added “At writing gay sex stuff, I mean.”

Louis smiled down at the laptop resting on his thighs and flipped up the screen. “You want to read some?” 

“Fuck it, I’ll give it a go.” Zayn laughed, and Louis was still grinning wide as he opened up Harry’s most recent work. 

Louis passed the laptop over, and covered his eyes with his hand because Zayn was smirking. “He’s not a very good speller is he? And the grammar is awful, it must drive you insane.”

“That’s mainly what I help him with.” 

Louis was just about ready to die when Zayn started reading it out loud. “ _Luke shoved Danny into the brick wall, ignoring him when he moaned because he was bleeding from a gash on his elbow._ ” he rasped. “ _Then their tongues tangled and Luke sucked on his tongue and Danny moaned. Then Danny spun them around so Luke was against the wall._ ”

“Stop it.” Louis groaned.

“I’m gonna skip forward to the good bits.” Zayn said instead, and Louis was way past regretting handing his laptop over to his best mate. “ _Luke gave Danny his best sex eyes from down where he was sucking on his big ten inch cock._ Fuck, that’s a bit big isn’t it? Would you want something that big in your ass? Do people find that hot? That’s like, not far off from a whole foot.”

“Give it back, Zayn!”

“In a second, this is fun. _Luke sucked hard on the head, getting right up there with his tongue._ Up where, do you reckon?” But before Louis could answer, he was reading again. “ _His hands cupped his balls and rolled them around in his palms, and he thought ‘Lucky I’m a ball boy, or I wouldn’t be very good at this’._ What? A ball boy?”

“It’s a story about tennis.” Louis muttered into his hand. “Could you at least not read it out loud anymore, please?”

“Yeah, fine.” Zayn laughed. “I hope there are more tennis puns.”

“There are loads.”

And Zayn grinned wider and continued to read, eyes flicking left and right, occasionally letting out a laugh. Then he came across a bit and threw his head back, he was laughing so hard, and Louis was starting to get a little mad. 

“Alright Zayn, that’s enough. You’re being really mean.”

Zayn was still laughing as he apologised and passed the laptop back. “I’m sorry man, but that is really awfully written. Are all the people whose stuff you edit that bad?”

“I don’t edit anyone else’s. Just Harry’s.”

Zayn smiled a little and took a swig of his beer. “So what else did the two of you talk about then?”

Louis shut the laptop again and rubbed his eyes. “We just swapped Youtube videos. He really likes cat videos.”

“Well you two clearly have a lot in common.” Zayn took another sip, and Louis started tapping his fingers on his laptop. He was getting antsy, and desperate to check his Tumblr, but Zayn wasn’t leaving and he didn’t want to do it while his friend was obviously in the mood for snooping. “Anything else?”

“He likes watching clips from The Lion King. And we were sharing our favourite Animal Kingdom interviews.”

“And?”

Louis frowned. “What do you want me to say exactly?”

“Did you set up a meeting date yet?” 

Louis’ stomach rolled 180 degrees and he grinned, painfully wide and crinkly-eyed. “Yeah, actually. This weekend.” 

“What are you going to wear?” 

“I don’t know, it’s not for another three days.” And Zayn raised an eyebrow and Louis was grinning again. “Fine, I’ll run you through my options.” 

 

Louis had first known Harry as LukeBottomsAlright, his very first proper fan. It had only been recently that Harry started writing, and Louis was flattered that Harry had asked him to read his stuff first. Sure, people asked him that all the time, but it was _Harry_ that was asking, and Harry wasn’t just anyone. And Louis thought Harry was joking when he’d sent him his first work, with obvious spelling mistakes and every cliché in the book. But he couldn’t be sure, so he just edited out every mistake and left little notes. It turned out to be a good thing, because every subsequent draft was just as terrible. 

But Louis liked it; the inability to use the appropriate punctuation, the wrong use of _there_ , the clichéd dialogue. Because it was Harry, and that just made it automatically endearing. 

Since his own first uploaded work, Harry had been with him; to boost Louis’ ego until it was ready to explode, to reblog every bit of fiction Louis ever wrote, and every text post and manip even when they were terrible. Harry had been there with him through it all, with cute comments and support and adoration, even when he wrote teen fantasies rather than serious work; when he was just another young writer with no credentials, trying to find his niche. And when Louis’ work started getting popular, Harry’s messages multiplied, and he said once that he was desperate not to be forgotten. So they started actually talking about themselves, their lives and friends and family instead of just Louis’ stories or Luke’s abs or Danny’s hair. Louis felt like he knew everything about Harry, except what he looked like, and he was a little nervous to find that detail out. He was nervous for Harry to see him, too, but he was much more excited than anything else. 

 

“Nah, the first shirt was better. With these jeans.” And Zayn threw said jeans at Louis, who was still staring at himself in the mirror. He was going to meet Harry in exactly 45 minutes, at a café in Soho, and he was still struggling to decide what he was going to wear. 

“Why not this one?” he asked, tugging at the hem of the shirt he was already wearing.

“Because it looks like you’re trying too hard. You don’t want to seem too eager on the first date.”

Louis blushed. “It’s not a date.”

“Of course it is. Now put on these jeans and this shirt and we’ll go.” 

Louis sighed at the word _we_ , at how intent Zayn was on going to the meeting place with him. Louis had begged him not to until he was blue in the face, but Zayn was a lot more sure-minded then he was, and they settled on the agreement that Zayn would watch them meet from afar and then go home. “He could be a murderer” was Zayn’s only argument, and Louis had just given up fighting about it eventually. 

He was actually grateful when the time came; when he was sitting in the café in a seat that gave him a view of Zayn, who was peering out from behind a tree like a villain from an old cartoon. It made him smile wide, and he was still smiling when he heard someone mutter “Louis?” and he looked up. Into the most beautiful big green eyes framed with long dark lashes, and his face dropped. Because Harry wasn’t meant to be beautiful. He was meant to be ugly and awkward like himself. 

“You’re not Louis? Sorry, the lady behind the counter said you were. Umm, do you –“

“Yeah, it’s Louis. Hi.” He interrupted him, and then Harry smiled and Louis’ stomach churned. “Dimples” Louis groaned, and then face palmed. 

But when Harry laughed, it was kind and friendly. “Cheekbones.” He said, and Louis peered up at him through his fingers. “You have really nice ones. Very sharp.” 

“Thanks.” Louis whispered, and slowly peeled his hand back from his face to get a better look at the boy in front of him. Who was tall with tattoos and nice arms and long legs; who had messy brown curls and big pink lips and those _dimples_. “Umm, you’re Harry?” he asked, just to make sure.

And this time when the boy smiled, he showed perfect straight white teeth and Louis could have died. “Yeah, it’s Harry.” He finally pulled out the seat from across Louis and dropped himself into it, and it was a lot less overwhelming when Harry wasn’t towering over him. “This is insane, I can’t believe I finally get to meet _the_ Louis.” 

“Just Louis is fine.” Louis tried to joke, and it must have worked because Harry barked out a laugh. “Umm, it is a bit weird, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but like, good weird. To finally see what you look like, it’s amazing. You’re really lovely.” 

And Louis felt his skin heat up before the embarrassment hit him. “You’re, uh, a lot better looking than I would have thought.” 

Harry barked out his seal laugh again, this time slapping the table with his hands. “Thanks, I guess.” He finally said through his large smile, and Louis really wished the ground would swallow him up already. “But like, seriously, this is so cool. We’ve been talking online for what, five years? This is so, so amazing. And we’re going to the same Uni now, hey? We can be like, really good friends yeah? And hang out all the time. Sorry, I’m being rambly. I ramble when I get excited, and I’m _really_ excited. You should hear me before I have sex, I just don’t shut up. But people like it, cause I talk about their bodies and stuff so, you know, don’t get turned off by the talking because it can be good. Fuck, sorry. I’ve really freaked you out haven’t I?”

Louis’ mouth was still hanging open when Harry finally stopped talking, and he wished Harry would start up again because he didn’t trust himself to be able to get words out after hearing Harry say the word sex. And then his brain went and reminded him that Harry was a smut writer, and he’d said some much dirtier stuff. 

“I shouldn’t have mentioned sex, yeah? Like, that was too soon. And you probably don’t even want to do that with me, sex I mean. We’ll just be friends then, if that’s still alright. Is that still alright?” Louis nodded slowly, and Harry’s face lit up again. “Good. I ordered our drinks when I was up there, you drink tea yeah? I got a hot chocolate with marshmallows, cause I’m just in that kind of mood, you know? For marshmallows I mean. Do you like marshmallows?” 

Louis cleared his throat. “Yeah, I drink tea. And like marshmallows. But not in my tea.”

“Yeah, that’d be weird.” Harry was nodding when Louis felt a hand grab his shoulder and he almost jumped out of his chair.

“Hey, Louis. What’s going on?” it was Zayn, and Louis could breathe.

“Good. I’m good. Umm, I’m just meeting Harry. This is Harry.” Louis stuttered, and Zayn smiled and held out his hand. 

Harry was smiling politely as he shook Zayn’s hand. “So you’re Louis’…”

“Best mate, Zayn. I just saw him here and thought I better come over and say hi. See how things are going.” He added with a raised brow, and Harry’s smile grew genuine.

“Oh, you’re checking up on me yeah? That’s cool, I had to trick my roommate into thinking this was tomorrow to stop him following me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s hiding in some bushes somewhere though, to be honest.” And Harry snorted out a laugh that had Zayn grinning. 

“So you’re all good? You looked like you’d shat yourself just before.” 

"Yes, Zayn, I'm fine! Can you go away now?" Louis groaned.

“Yeah, just text me if things get weird.” And he sent Harry a look, the kind that said _watch yourself_ , before he finally left them.

Louis groaned again, internally begging for _anything_ to get him out of here. 

“He’s intense, isn’t he? Is he a model?” When Louis shook his head no, Harry added “He could be one for sure. I reckon he’d be good for my mate Liam, they’d just look right together, you know?” But before Louis could say that Zayn was straight as a nail, their drinks arrived and Harry started excessively thanking the waitress. 

When she finally left, all thoughts of Zayn were well out of Louis’ mind. “You’re very polite.”

“Thanks! They’re very important, manners.” Harry stopped talking long enough to spoon some chocolate-covered froth into his mouth, and Louis blushed because there was the smallest little bit on the corner of Harry’s mouth and if this was a story he would be licking it off Harry’s lips. So he just stayed silent, and tried to look up into Harry’s eyes when his tongue poked out to lick it off himself. “So can you tell me about what you’re writing next? I’m really looking forward to it, whatever it is. I know it’ll be amazing like you are.”

“Uh, I’m not all that sure. I haven’t been motivated to write anything else since the last one.”

Harry nodded quick, curls flying about his face like he was a ragdoll getting thrown about by a toddler. He had the rosy cheeks for it, too. “Maybe we could write something together then!”

Louis had to smile at his enthusiasm, and tried to hide it by taking a sip of tea. “Yeah, that would be good.”

“Really? _I_ could write something with _you_?” Louis was blushing so brightly, and he could only nod in response. “We could write something together? Louis, that would be so cool. You have no idea how much that would mean to me.” And Harry reached across the table to latch on to Louis’ hand. 

The hand that was in the process of being brought up to hide his tomato cheeks, so Harry’s hand somehow ended up against his jaw and Louis gulped loudly; a gulp that Harry would have been able to feel. 

“Wow Louis, you’re really hot.” Harry said, moving his hand to rest the back of it against Louis’ forehead, concern etched all over his face. “Are you feeling alright? Do you need some water?” 

Louis really should have predicted it, when Harry reached out with the other hand to pick up his glass of water a little too quickly. He should have known that the glass would tip over and the cold water would fall into his lap and Harry would gasp and jump up from his seat with a stream of apologies. But he really couldn’t have known that Harry would pull his shirt off in the middle of a café to rub at Louis’ pants, paying special attention to his crotch, because that didn’t happen in real life. It happened in porn, and Louis’ life was far from porn. 

But Harry's life might be just that, one big graphic smut story, and he was ready to dive into the middle of it.


	2. Chapter 2

“Harry?” Louis muttered, but the boy wasn’t showing any indication that he’d heard him. He was still patting at Louis’ lap with his scrunched up shirt, completely oblivious to the many pairs of eyes that were trained on his bare skin. Including Louis’, because you would have to be an absolute saint to resist staring at his long, tanned, toned torso. Harry’s hand brushed against Louis’ bulge and the boy squeaked “Harry!” 

Green eyes flew up to meet his, but his hand didn’t stop. “Louis, I am so sorry! I am just so clumsy, this shit always happens to me.”

“Harry, just-“

“Please don’t hate me! I’d promise you that this won’t happen again but I think it probably will and I’m not a promise breaker, you know?” 

“Can I get you a napkin?” someone asked, and both boys looked up at the waitress, who was clearly trying not to laugh.

“Oh my gosh, I could have used a napkin!” Harry jumped up, and Louis finally could relax back into his chair without fear of popping a hard on in the middle of Soho. “Now I don’t have a shirt! But, I guess you don’t have trousers so we’re both screwed. Would you have some spare clothes somewhere, miss?”

The woman laughed. “No, but there are shops just next door.”

Harry nodded hard. “Yeah! I’ll go and grab us something, you stay here!” 

And Louis could only watch as Harry ran out into the street and into the shop next door, shirtless and seemingly unfazed about it. 

“He’s quite funny, isn’t he?” The girl said blissfully, and to be honest Louis had totally forgotten about her. 

“Yeah.” He muttered.

“Is this your first date?” 

Louis couldn’t be any redder after the water-spilling incident, but he definitely felt a new wave of embarrassment at the question. “It’s not really a date, I don’t think.”

She grinned. “It definitely looks like one. You’re a lucky guy, he looks very into you.”

“Thanks.” Louis muttered, and wished the lady would go away already because she was being too nice. Whatever happened to the rude waiters and waitresses that just wanted your tips?

“He’s also a quick shopper.” She said with a little smirk on her face, and nodded her head to where Harry was running through the street towards them, now wearing a loose grey shirt and carrying a shopping bag. “I like the shirt.” she added when Harry got back to their table.

“Thanks!” he said with flushed cheeks and an effortless grin. “I like the colour. The guy called it ‘gunmetal grey’ but I don’t like that, it sounds ominous.” When he turned to Louis, the boy shrank back in his seat. “I got you some pants!” 

 

The too-nice waitress led Louis into the bathrooms, and he didn’t open the bag until he was in a stall. And when he did, he let out a groan because the trousers were a very loud maroon colour and Louis didn’t wear coloured jeans. He only wore blue ones, with no shape whatsoever. And these new ones, he noticed when he pulled them out of the bag, looked like something his sisters would wear. But it was either wear them, or get the Tube home looking like he’d wet himself, so obnoxiously tight red jeans it would have to be. 

Louis was ready to die when he finally stepped out of the bathrooms, because Harry was standing at the counter talking to the waitress, until she muttered something and Harry looked at him and started clapping. Actually _clapping_ , like Louis had saved a baby’s life or something, when all he was doing was walking towards him in girl jeans the same colour as his face. 

“They look so good!! The guy said that they’re called ‘wine red’ and I like that, it sounds kind of sexy. And boy oh boy, Louis, do you look sexy!”

“Harry!” Louis covered his face with a groan, ignoring the laughing people around them. 

“Sorry, I’m embarrassing you, sorry!” he repeated. “Do you want to go now? I got us some muffins to go because I noticed a cute little fountain over there and I want to go sit on the side and share muffins with you.” 

“Fine.” Louis muttered under his breath, desperate to get out of there with all these people staring at him and Harry like they were the cutest things ever. Even a little girl with a bright pink dress and a tiara on her head had nothing on them, apparently. “Where is it?”

Harry grabbed his hand and started pulling him across the pavement, and Louis could feel his excitement through the skin against his palm. “Just over there, see!” 

Louis could see it, a small fountain covered in pigeon poo, pumping out greenish water, and Louis felt a little sick at the prospect of going near it. 

But Harry seemingly wasn’t fazed by anything, because he was sitting down on the edge and pulling off his shoes. 

“Wait! Harry, you’re not allowed to go in there.” 

Harry looked at him with sad eyes and a little pout to his mouth, and his shoulders slumped. “Really?” 

“Yeah, uh, you’ll get arrested.” And probably hepatitis, he thought. 

“Oh, alright!” and Harry was pulling his shoes on again, and Louis let out a breath. “I’m not usually this scatter-brained. I just feel so butterfly-sy, you know? Like, everything in my heart just wants to come bursting out!” And Louis didn’t know what to say to that, honestly a little worried that Harry would break into song if he said the wrong thing. “What muffin would you like? I got an orange and poppyseed one and a chocolate one, I could go for either. Hey, why don’t we do halves?” 

Louis nodded and sat down beside Harry, not too worried about the pigeon poo anymore because it wasn’t like he was going to wear these jeans again. Even if they were starting to make Louis feel quite nice. He watched Harry tear the muffins apart with a furrowed brow, like he was deeply worried about not breaking them equally, and he smiled. Harry was just so lovely, and incredibly endearing, and Louis just wanted to wrap his arms around him and never let go. Especially when Harry looked up at him with one of his wide beautiful smiles and passed Louis his muffin halves, because he just seemed so proud of himself. Like he’d expected himself to drop the treats or fall back into the fountain or something. Which, to be fair, didn’t seem so unlikely. 

“You know those days that you wish would never end?” Harry asked suddenly, and Louis nodded slowly. “This feels like one of them.” 

Louis grinned, because yeah. He felt that. 

 

The whole trip home, Louis had planned on how he was going to get into his room without Zayn seeing him. He didn’t want to be assaulted with questions from his best friend, and Louis could predict what the first question would be; one that he desperately did not want to be asked. 

But Louis had dropped his key when he was halfway between the front door and his room, and Zayn shot up from where he was on the couch. “Louis, what the fuck are you wearing?” 

Louis groaned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well now you have to.”

“Harry got the jeans for me.” 

Zayn frowned. “Did he not like your other ones?” 

“No, he wet my other ones.”

“He wet them?” The corners of Zayn’s lips started pulling up slowly. “How did he do that exactly? And with what?”

“He spilled water on them, alright! And he bought these stupid things to make up for it.” Louis waved his hand at himself, and Zayn just grinned wider. “Stop looking at me like that!”

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t know you had an ass like that.” And Zayn was up off the couch, walking over to him. Louis just watched him, until Zayn’s hand was getting closer and closer and he jumped back when it rested on an ass cheek.

“Zayn!” it came out like a squeak, and Zayn was laughing hard. “Stop it, you’re being a dick!” 

“Sorry, really. That’s just really fucking hilarious. You need to write that into some magazine or something, probably a girl one that publishes ‘embarrassing first date’ stories.”

“It wasn’t a date!” Louis near shouted, and Zayn’s eyes widened. So he calmed himself and added “It felt like one, or what I think dates are meant to feel like, but we’re just friends.” 

“Well why did it feel like a date?” 

“He paid for everything, and we ate muffins at a fountain, and he offered to get the Tube home with me which is pretty much the equivalent of walking someone to their front door isn’t it?”

“If the path to the front door was a few miles long, then yes.” Zayn snorted. “Definitely sounds like a date to me. But what do I know, I’ve only been on about a million compared to your… how many is it?” 

“None.” Louis grunted.

“So, as the only one with dating experience, I say it was a date and my answer is final.” 

 

Louis was straight onto his laptop when he got into his room, opening up his Tumblr and reading through all of his new messages. He answered a few, and after they disappeared from his inbox he spotted one that made him blush. 

It said _You look really good in tight jeans. Can’t wait to see you tonight ;)_. And the grin that had been spread wide on Louis’ face dropped because he’d forgotten about that; about what he’d promised Harry when the boy was looking at him with hopeful eyes and pouting lips and hand outstretched with a little heart-shaped chocolate in his palm. And now that Louis thought of it, where the hell did Harry pull that out from? His jeans had been so tight, Louis would surely have noticed it in his pocket. 

“Zayn!” he yelled from his bed, and only had to wait a few moments before his mate was falling into his room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with big concerned eyes.

“We’ve got an emergency.” 

“What is it?” 

“I told Harry I’d go clubbing with him and his mates.”

“What? When?” 

“I have to meet them at a bar at 9, and you’re going to come with me because I am not going to go clubbing for the first time ever with people I don’t even know!” 

“Obviously.” Zayn was grinning an evil kind of grin, and Louis threw his pillow at him in annoyance because his friend was getting what he’d always wanted. Since they’d turned eighteen he’d begged Louis to come out drinking with him, and Louis never did because that wasn’t his idea of fun; dancing and getting drunk and embarrassing yourself. 

“Bloody hell Zayn, what am I going to wear?” 

“I’ve had your first clubbing outfit planned in my mind for years.” Zayn admitted shamelessly. 

“You’re joking right?”

“Not at all.” 

 

Louis hated it. Every piece of clothing he was wearing was Zayn’s, even his bloody socks and briefs, and it was all too tight. The shirt clung to his chest and stomach, the jeans felt like they were riding up his ass and suffocating his thighs, the jacket was far too thick and heavy considering it was summer, and the shoes were a size too big and flopped around when he walked. He felt like an idiot, but he had to admit he looked pretty good. Especially since Zayn fiddled with his hair too, roughing it up with some waxy stuff so it wasn’t all flat and sticking to his forehead like it usually did. 

So by the time he was stepping into the bar, having stared at his reflection in the window the whole Tube ride over with Zayn muttering compliments into his ear, he felt quite amazing. 

But then he saw Harry, sitting at a table covered in empty bottles with two other guys, and he was turning on his heels to make a break for it. 

“Don’t you even think about it.” Zayn grunted, gripping on to his bicep and pulling him over to Harry. 

Who turned and grinned and climbed on to the table, knocking bottles over as he crawled on top of it. He fell to the ground, and by the time he’d pushed himself up Louis was standing right in front of him. 

“Hey.” Louis muttered, eyes everywhere but Harry. So he didn’t see Harry’s hug coming. It was tight and hot and sweaty and everything Louis needed. 

“Hey.” Harry breathed into his ear, and Louis shivered. He couldn’t help it; he had a hot sweaty chest against his and hands on his lower back and hair tickling his cheek. Then Harry pulled back with his signature grin and Louis forgot for a second that they weren’t the only two people in the world. “I got us beer, and Liam is really excited to meet Zayn.” 

“Huh?” Louis asked dazedly, and Harry chuckled but didn’t say anything else to him; he just walked Louis over to his friends, arm over his shoulder and Zayn trailing close behind muttering _Liam?_

“Liam, Niall, Louis, Zayn.” Harry said as introduction, pointing to each person as he said their name. 

The two boys moved over to make room in the round booth, Harry sliding in next to Niall and pulling Louis with him, leaving Zayn to sit next to the one called Liam. Both boys were flushed and grinning and Louis had to ask “How long have you been here for?” 

“We came to watch the game at five, me and Liam.” Niall said, and it might have been the Irish accent or the bright red cheeks or his friendly blue eyes, but Louis didn’t know exactly why he liked him already. He felt comfortable. “Harry just got here half an hour ago, he’s not all that into football.” 

“Neither am I, but Niall drags me here every Saturday night anyway.” Liam rolled his eyes with a little smile playing on his lips, and Louis liked him too. “How about you Zayn?” he asked the boy beside him.

Who was still grinning, eyes flicking between Harry and Louis and down to where their forearms were lying against each other on the sticky table. “I like football, I prefer to play it then watch it though.”

“You look really really lovely. Honest, you do.” Harry muttered into his ear, and he missed whatever Liam said to Zayn. 

“Thanks, Zayn did it. I like your, umm, everything.” And Louis blushed bright red and wished he could take it back. Except then Harry laughed and gripped his hand and the embarrassment trickled away. Louis took a sip of warm beer and tried not to cringe at the taste. 

“Don’t you like beer? I could get you something else, like wine or something? I don’t know, what else do they sell at bars? Cocktails? Do you like cocktails?”

“It’s fine, I like beer. It’s just quite hot, this one.” 

“I’ll get you a new one then!” Harry jumped up in his seat and Louis immediately pulled him back down. 

“No, Harry, it’s fine. Really.” Louis assured him, fingers still tight around his wrist from where he’d grabbed him. And he would have pulled them away, except Harry started to trace Louis’ knuckles with his finger. 

Then Harry’s eyes flitted up to meet his and he grinned. 

“We cool to go somewhere else yet?” Niall asked loudly, pulling Harry’s attention away from him. 

“After we finish this beer, yeah?” 

 

Louis lost count of the amount of beers he’d had. They were at some club when he tried his first cocktail, and it tasted like melted ice-lolly; it was syrupy and burny and Louis didn’t like it. But he drank it because it was bright and had an umbrella, and because Harry bought it for him. 

And he was smiling because Harry was, and danced because Harry did, and went to the bathroom because Harry told him to follow close behind. 

He still had the cocktail glass in his hand, half full, when Harry pushed him against the bathroom sink. So some of the liquid sloshed out and Louis giggled loudly, looking up into Harry’s eyes that were saying something a little different to what they had been earlier in the day. Now, it looked like they were saying _fuck me_.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Louis asked, and Harry groaned and somehow pressed closer. 

“Can you kiss me first?” he asked, somewhat shyly, and Louis nodded. They both watched each other, waiting for someone to take the first move. And Louis was a little surprised that it was him leaning up and pressing his lips to Harry’s; just a gentle pressure, questioning and calculated. 

Until Harry’s hand slid against his back and tugged desperately and their mouths opened and Louis could properly taste Harry. Could taste the beer on his tongue and the sugary taste of himself on Harry’s lips and the heat. _So much heat._ In his mouth and against his chest and underneath his hands that were pushing up Harry’s shirt. 

But the door opened and they pulled apart quickly to the sound of booming laughter and thumping music. 

“Get it in!” the stranger said, leering at them both and making blowjob gestures with his hands. 

And Louis was blushing, from embarrassment rather than the alcohol, because for a moment he’d forgotten who he was. He’d forgotten that this sort of thing didn’t happen to him. He didn’t make out with fit boys in club bathrooms, he wrote about it.

So he pushed past Harry and the laughing man to find Zayn.


	3. Chapter 3

“You know, that was my first time at a gay club.” Zayn’s voice broke through Louis’ thoughts, and he turned to look at the boy beside him in the cab. Who still looked flawless despite dancing amongst a mass of sweaty bodies for the last three hours. Louis felt like absolute shit. “I actually had a lot of fun.”

“That’s good.” Louis muttered, turning back to look out the window. 

“I think you did really well for your first time out, Louis. I thought for sure we’d be back home by midnight but it’s just gone two.” Zayn blabbered, clearly still affected by the last beer he’d drunk. Or maybe it was the espresso cocktail Liam had bought him. “Liam’s a nice guy, isn’t he? And Niall seemed alright. I like Harry, too.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you guys got more plans to see each other?”

“Not yet.” He watched the mist form on the window from his hot breath, and traced a finger through it, drawing a sad face. 

“What’s wrong then?” Zayn asked, just as Louis drew two little dimples on the window figure. 

“Harry kissed me.” Louis dragged his eyes away from the window to look for any kind of reaction on Zayn’s face. He didn’t have to look very hard, because Zayn’s eyes were as wide as saucers and his jaw had dropped to the floor. 

“Did you not want to? I’ll kill the fucker if-“

“No, I did.” Louis assured him quickly. “I just – I’m worried. He has so much more experience than I do. Which isn’t hard, I’ve only ever kissed like two people before. And I was kissing him in the toilets and it just hit me that it wasn’t very me of me, you know? I don’t kiss strangers. And I write about that stuff but it was a whole different thing actually doing it. It was embarrassing, and I wish that I could just not care about that stuff but I do care. And its _Harry_ , who I just met today but I’ve been speaking to for forever and I don’t want it to all be ruined before it’s even properly begun.”

“Did you tell him any of that?” 

Louis shook his head and looked down to his hands, because Zayn’s worry was still written all over his face. “No, I just ran away.”

“I’m too drunk to give the best advice right now, so check in with me again tomorrow, but I definitely think you should talk to him.” 

Louis nodded with a sigh, turning back to the window and noticing that they were just a few streets away from home. He stretched his neck and patted his pockets down to make sure he had everything, ignoring Zayn’s staring with a great deal of effort. He’d suddenly become quite desperate to check his Tumblr, realising it had been over four hours since he’d last seen it. 

So when the cab finally pulled up outside their building, Louis pushed the money into the driver’s hand and jogged up the stairs.

Louis was already logged in and answering his first ask by the time Zayn made it through the front door. He heard Zayn stumbling through the room, with bumps and muffled _Fuck_ s, and was grinning to himself when Zayn popped his head in to his room. 

“You were having withdrawals, huh?” Zayn asked, smirk a little more lopsided than usual. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

Zayn kicked at the clothes that were littered on Louis’ floor as he made his way to the bed, and flopped down onto it beside Louis. He squinted at the screen, watching Louis as he typed and reblogged pictures and caught up on anything new that was happening in the Animal Kingdom fandom. 

Louis couldn’t help but notice that Harry hadn’t made any new posts since he had last checked a few hours ago, and he wondered why that might be. Was Harry still at the club, or could he have gone home with another guy? 

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked, and Louis looked over to his friend, whose arm was covering his eyes. “I can feel you worrying from here.”

“Do you think Harry hasn’t posted anything because he’s having sex with someone right now?”

Zayn dropped his arm an inch to peek out at Louis. “That was quite a leap. He might be still out with Liam. Or he could be asleep right now. Most people aren’t as wired at 2am as you are, especially after they’ve been drinking. For example, me. I’d really like for you to shut that thing off so we can sleep.”

Louis frowned. “Go into your bed then if you don’t like the laptop light.” 

Zayn grumbled something into his arm and rolled over onto his side. “Just turn it off soon, yeah?” 

“Yeah, fine.” Louis replied, reading through the rest of the unanswered asks. He had a few questions about the last fic he’d written, a hate message and some people asking for follow backs. He had an anonymous message asking about his day, so he told them everything. 

Well, not everything. Just that he’d met an internet friend for the first time, and how he hoped they could be friends in real life too. How he just got back from clubbing and had a good night. How his best friend was currently snoring loudly into his ear. Because for some reason a lot of people actually wanted to know about him, and how he was doing and his life. And he didn’t really understand why that could be when he was so bloody boring. If his life was exciting, he probably wouldn’t be writing. If he had his own Luke Hartley or Danny Brixton then maybe he wouldn’t spend so much of his time fantasising. 

But it was flattering, when they asked him things, because it felt like these people genuinely cared. And it was strange to think that Harry was one of those faceless people just a day ago. Even though he thought he knew absolutely everything about Harry other then what he looked like, it was far from the truth. He had no idea Harry would be so energetic or clumsy or embarrassing or _beautiful_. Louis knew that he was kind and liked to compliment, but he hadn’t imagined that Harry would say such lovely things to his face as well. And while he did feel comfortable with Harry, and he knew that he genuinely was that nice, he was scared that Harry had got the wrong impression about him. That just because he occasionally wrote about sex, doesn’t mean he knew what he was talking about. He’d assumed that Harry was a virgin too, considering all of his smut was based on clichés, but it was becoming pretty obvious how familiar Harry was with sex. 

He rubbed at his eyes, fatigue hitting him quite quickly, and shut his laptop. He snuggled down under the blanket and tried to distract himself by listening to Zayn’s snores. While they had been annoying at first, Louis fell into their rhythm, breaths matching Zayn’s, and soon he was fast asleep. 

 

Louis had his Tumblr open in front of him as soon as he woke up, and he was a little shocked at all the new messages he had. It only took a little searching to find out the reason; Harry had reblogged it and added “Of course we’ll be good friends, you’re even lovelier then I had imagined ;)” and that seemed to prompt people to ask for photos and where he lived and whether they could meet him too. They asked him for more details about his night out and where he went and if he hooked up. And Louis slammed his laptop shut a little too hard because people never cared _this_ much.

He found Zayn eating cereal in front of the TV and flopped down beside him.

“Alright?” Zayn asked with a raised brow, and Louis covered his eyes and groaned. “You spoken to Harry yet?” 

Louis groaned even louder. “I just woke up, don’t even talk about that yet.”

“Well what’s wrong?” 

“Just Tumblr stuff. Too many asks to answer and I can’t be bothered right now. I don’t know where to start.” 

“I’ll do it for you then.” Zayn offered, a little too hopefully, and Louis snorted out a _no_. “Well just leave them for a while, I’m sure they can wait. What are you doing today?” 

“I was going to finish off an assignment and maybe write a short story if I’m up for it.” 

“You could always ask Harry for help.” 

Louis glared at his best mate and got up to make himself something to eat, not even bothering to answer him. He was still too embarrassed to even think about talking to Harry, the boy he’d run off from mid-kiss without an explanation. Harry probably thought he was insane. 

Zayn stood and followed him into the kitchen. When Louis gave him a look, he muttered “Just washing my bowl.” So Louis put bread into the toaster while ignoring Zayn’s blatant staring, and buttered his toast while Zayn slowly washed the few dishes that were piled into the sink. By the time he was sitting at the table with a plate of jam toast, Zayn was pulling out a chair beside him. “I’m going to a football game with Liam this afternoon.”

Louis scrunched up his face. “Liam, the guy Harry is trying to set you up with?”

Zayn laughed. “It’s not like that. He just said he could get us tickets and I thought I might as well.” 

“Liam, the guy that was grinding against your ass for four songs in a row last night?” 

Zayn blushed red. “He was just trying to protect me from the other guys. You know, making it look like we were together so guys would leave us alone?” 

“Is anyone else going to the game with you?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“Sounds like a date to me.” Louis giggled, and Zayn pinched his arm. 

“It is not a date!” 

“Well how is it different to when you bought tickets to a Wimbledon match just to impress a girl?” 

“A tennis championship game is a much bigger gesture then a local football game, alright?”

“What if they’re the really good seats, would that make it a date?” 

Zayn was completely red now. “No! How come I can go somewhere with you and it not be a date, but if I’m going somewhere with another gay guy it’s suddenly a date? Double standards.” And with that he was up and heading off to his room, muttering angrily under his breath. 

 

By the time Louis had finished his breakfast, he was ready to tackle Tumblr. 

He set his laptop on the table, like he would when he did his assignments, and he opened it up and refreshed the page. And he choked on nothing because the number of messages had doubled in the last hour since he’d checked. 

He opened up his inbox and as he flicked down his eyes widened impossibly; there were at least fifty apology messages from Harry. The latest ones simply said _Sorry :(_ and the very first one was the only ask with any kind of detail. It read:

_Louis, I am so so SO sorry that I kissed you last night! I just like you so much and I was drunk and I convinced myself that you liked me too but you clearly don’t because you said you just want to be friends. I want to be friends too! I obviously want to be more then friends but I’d rather be friends then nothing so can we still be friends? I’d really like that. I just don’t want to lose you because it feels like we’ve been friends forever by now and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I’m sorry that’s lame, but it’s true. This is really weird isn’t it? Sorry :(_

And Louis was bright red by the time he finished reading it, but he clicked on the answer button anyway. Then he thought better of it and actually picked up his phone. 

Harry answered on the first ring. “I am so sorry!” 

Louis couldn’t help but grin. “It’s alright, I’m the one that’s sorry.” 

“No, you shouldn’t ever be sorry! I made it weird, didn’t I? You just wanted to be friends and-“

“Harry! It’s fine, really.”

“No, but you want to be friends! And I kissed you! That’s so bad!” 

“I wanted you to kiss me though. I asked you if you wanted to be f-, umm. Fucked.” He whispered into the receiver. “Remember? I led you on.”

“But I kissed you!”

“I know! I was there.” Louis laughed. He couldn’t really control it, with Harry being so nervous. About _him_. Someone as beautiful as Harry was saying he liked _him_. “I just got scared.” 

“You don’t need to be scared of me Louis! I’m not like, scary weird. I’m just quirky weird. I like to think so, anyway.”

“No, I just got scared because I’ve never really done anything like that.” There was a pause, and Louis felt a little sick because Harry never seemed to stop talking but now he had. So Louis added “I don’t go out clubbing, and I don’t kiss people in toilets.” And he wanted to say that he didn’t have sex but he didn’t know how Harry would react. “I just got embarrassed when that guy walked in.” It wasn’t really a lie, just not the whole truth. 

“Oh. Oh!” and Harry laughed, loud and long, and Louis’ lips quirked up into a smile involuntarily. “So you don’t hate me?” 

“No, I still like you.” 

“Good! Louis, you have _no idea_ how good that feels. I was so scared, you have _no idea_.” And Louis wanted to say that yeah, he did have an idea, but he just left it because he could hear Harry’s smile in his voice and he sounded beautiful.

“We can still write something together, don’t worry.” Louis muttered, and looked up when he heard Zayn’s bedroom door open. He watched as his friend passed him, dressed in tight dark jeans and a leather jacket and smelling expensive, and waved at him before he could leave. Zayn huffed and sent him a small apologetic smile and mouthed _See you later_. And when Zayn left Louis tuned back into Harry, who was blabbering on about something. Louis had missed too much, so he had no idea what Harry was talking about. He cleared his throat and waited for Harry to breathe before he asked “Do you want to come over? Zayn’s gone out for the day and I don’t have anything on. I need some help getting my Tumblr under control, too.” 

“Yeah, that sounds great!” Harry said with way too much enthusiasm. “I’ll leave now!” 

And Louis had to laugh because Harry hung up the phone and called back not two seconds later for the address with murmured apologies. 

Louis wasn’t nervous now; he was just excited. To see Harry’s grin, and listen to him ramble, and even to write a story with him.

He found himself still grinning when he turned back to his laptop to continue answering asks. He deleted the nasty ones and thanked people for their compliments and tried to answer personal questions without giving away too much. His cheeks were aching when he picked up his phone and read a text from Zayn that said _I’m starting to think this is a date._


	4. Chapter 4

Louis had planned on raiding Zayn’s wardrobe before Harry showed up, but he got carried away on Tumblr and didn’t notice the time until he heard a knock at the door. 

He tried to swallow down the butterflies that were by now crawling up his throat, and told himself that Harry wouldn’t mind that he was still in his sweatpants and a worn-thin bed shirt. He pulled on a beanie that had been lying on the couch and padded to the door bare footed. He gripped the door handle and sucked in a breath and pulled until Harry was before him. 

“Hi!” Harry greeted him with a blinding grin and a rib crushing hug. 

“H-hey.” Louis muttered into his shirt, and Harry finally pulled back to look around him. 

“I really like your place. It’s very comfortable and homey, you know? Like, your couch! It just looks so used but in a nice way. And I like how your kitchen bench has things on it, like chopping boards! Liam has a spot for everything in our house. Even the toaster isn’t allowed on the bench!” More compliments and strange facts spilled out of Harry’s mouth as he surveyed the room, wandering about the small space, inspecting without touching. He stopped talking only when he spotted the photos on the wall, and it made Louis feel a little nervous. 

“Do you want me to show you around?” Louis suggested, and Harry looked to him with a grin. 

“Yes please!” And Louis blushed because Harry’s eyes were roaming all over him. “I should have said that you look lovely when I first saw you because you really do! You look really snuggable.” 

“Umm, thankyou.” Louis said, ignoring his knee-jerk reaction to correct Harry’s grammar and insist that _snuggable_ wasn’t a real word. Harry started walking over to him now, and Louis added “You look nice. I, umm, I like your shoes.” 

Harry grinned wider, despite Louis’ terrible attempt at a compliment; his shoes really weren’t that nice. “So where’s your bedroom?” 

Louis choked in embarrassment and tried to cover it up with a cough, because Harry clearly didn’t mean to be suggestive. It was just, his voice and tight jeans and just-fucked hair said something completely different to the expression on his face. They all said _pound me into the mattress_ but his little smile and dimples and eyes said _I want to see the place that you’ve made yours because I think I’d fit there quite nicely_. Or maybe Louis was just confusing fanfiction with reality again. He broke the silence with a mumbled “Follow me.”

Harry looked around at his tiny room with so much genuine interest that Louis felt a little baffled. He watched Harry look through his books on the shelf and the posters on his walls and the pile of clothes sitting on his dresser that still had to be put away. His fingers traced along his duvet cover before he sat at the end of the bed and looked back to Louis. “I really like your room, it’s very…”

“Roomy?” 

Harry laughed his seal laugh and covered his mouth with his giant hand and Louis couldn’t hide his own grin. “I was going to say that it’s very you.” 

“Of course.” They looked at each other for a little while longer, still grinning stupidly wide, until Louis finally cleared his throat and looked away. 

Then Harry made a strange choking sound and Louis’ eyes snapped right back to the boy on his bed. Who was picking up his laptop from his bedside table with so much care; somehow holding it both securely and like he was trying to touch as little of it as possible. “Is this what you write on?” 

Louis laughed, because there was so much reverence in Harry’s voice that he _had_ to be joking. Harry’s eyes snapped up to meet his and he immediately sobered up because Harry most definitely wasn’t joking. He looked a little hurt, actually, that Louis had laughed. “Yeah. Umm, it’s a bit old now but I can’t afford to get a new one and I’m quite attached to it anyway so I don’t think I’d want a new one.”

“It’s beautiful.” 

Louis could feel the heat in his temples before his face turned red from sheer embarrassment, because Harry wasn’t just trying to flatter him; he looked genuinely awestruck. “Yeah, it’s alright.” 

Harry shook his head and waved for Louis to come over. “No, it’s much more then alright.” Louis sidled closer, and sat when Harry started patting the spot on the bed beside him aggressively. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah.” Louis muttered, lips twitching he wanted to smile so much. Harry lifted the top and blue light covered his face and his eyes widened like he wasn’t expecting it to be turned on. “The password is doncaster91.” 

“You really just told me your password?” Harry looked at him with such confusion when he asked it, like there was a part of him that really thought Louis had lied.

“Yeah, you need it to log in. And you need to log in if you want to start writing something.” 

Harry nodded and asked Louis to spell it out as he typed it in. He grinned when the log in screen disappeared. “What did we have to do to your Tumblr?” 

“Nothing now, I’ve pretty much got it under control.” Louis watched Harry’s fingers ghost over the keys when he answered, fingertips brushing them so lightly, and he started to feel a little hot at the back of his neck. He cleared his throat. “Have you got any ideas on what we should write?” 

“I think you should write the sad things and I’ll write the hot things.” Harry said simply.

Louis blinked. “But, what do you want the story to be about?” 

“Something neither of us have written about before.” 

“Alright. Like what?” 

Harry’s forehead creased just for a second before he flung himself back onto the bed. “Thinking is hard. I’m hungry, do you want to go get some food?” But before Louis even had time to be confused, Harry was sitting up again with excitement seeping out of every pore. “We should write a pizza boy fic! Luke can be the pizza boy and Danny could be the customer and Luke could bring the pizza and then they could bang!” 

Louis smiled, but only because Harry looked so pleased with himself and it was making Louis feel happy too. And even though this was Porn-Cliché-Number-One, Louis kind of wanted to write it. “What about if they’re both pizza boys and someone wants to test two different Pizza companies so orders the same thing at the same time from both different restaurants to time who gets there first. And then Danny and Luke get there at the exact same time and the customer doesn’t answer the door. And they bond over how angry they are at the customer and get each other’s numbers and then go on a date.” 

“And then they can bang!” Harry said with a nod. “Wow Louis, you’re so smart. I could never have thought of something like that.” 

Louis blushed and dug his toes into the carpet. “I would never have thought of a pizza boy story if you hadn’t mentioned pizza boys.” 

Harry smiled a bashful smile and passed Louis his laptop. “I think you should start it.” 

 

Louis’ fingers were flying along the keys as soon as he had the laptop on his thighs, Harry looking over his shoulder. It was a momentary distraction when Harry first crawled onto his stomach, head resting on his hands to peer over Louis’ lap, hot breath seeping through the thin material of Louis’ sweatpants, because it became impossible to ignore his presence. He had to put a lot more effort into keeping his eyes on the screen when all they really wanted to do was look at the boy beside him, stretched languidly over his bed, feet kicking in the air so that the bed was rocking a little. He had to concentrate on breathing slowly so that Harry wasn’t alerted to his discomfort, and keep his lips clenched tightly closed so they didn’t somehow find their way onto Harry’s skin. 

“Is that the right ‘there’?” Harry suddenly asked, and Louis released his breath with an audible _whoosh_.

“Yeah.” 

“But shouldn’t that be the ‘ei’ their and not the ‘ere’ there?” 

“No. The ‘ei’ their is for ownership and the ‘ere’ there is for places.” Louis explained gently, careful not to sound like a patronising twat. 

“Oh, okay.” Harry’s cheeks were flushed a light pink and Louis really wanted to feel how hot they were with his tongue. 

Louis’ eyes widened and snapped back to the screen in front of him. His own cheeks flamed red, embarrassed like he’d carried through with his sudden desire. 

“Are you alright?”

Louis nodded and cleared his throat and said “It’s just quite hot in here. Do you want to go out into the lounge?” 

Harry nodded and pushed himself up, stretching his back with the downward-dog yoga pose on his way, and Louis groaned. Harry’s shirt had fallen over his face to show off his hard stomach, and his jeans were stretched so tight on his ass and thighs, and Louis swore he was going to hell for perving on an unassuming Harry who’d been nothing but honest about his intentions. And here was Louis, lusting after him and blaming the temperature for the heat under his skin. 

“I’ll go get us something to eat.” And Louis was out of there before he could do something embarrassing. 

He already had the bread out for sandwiches when Harry came out of his room with the laptop. Harry set it down on the table and asked for the bathroom, which Louis pointed to while he pulled out the peanut butter from the cupboard. Louis tried not to watch Harry’s figure retreat down the hallway, but he couldn’t really help it. 

He needed space. He need to clear his head and calm his body down and it was hard when Harry, sex incarnate, was walking around his flat like he didn’t know he was conjuring up the basest of thoughts in Louis’ head. Thoughts involving Harry on his knees and in his bed with sweaty skin flushed red. 

“Can I help with anything?”

Louis turned pink and didn’t even bother looking up because he knew the sight of Harry would make it a lot harder for him. “No thanks. Do you like peanut butter.” 

“Oh, yes! I love peanut butter. I’ll get us some water, maybe you’re dehydrated? You still look quite pink.” Harry brushed his arm when he walked past and Louis tried to contain his shiver. 

“I’ll just be at the table with the sandwiches.” He muttered. “The glasses are in the cupboard below the microwave and we just have tap water.” 

“Alright! I’ll be right behind you.”

“Take your time.” Louis said, and meant it because those few short minutes apart wasn’t enough space. He didn’t know what the hell was wrong with him. He’d never been like this around his school crushes, and the few guys at Uni he was attracted to. His brain wasn’t filled with _sex sex sex_ like it was right now, with Harry in the kitchen getting them water. And fuck, _what if Harry spilt some on himself?_ What if Harry came out of the kitchen with his shirt sticking to his skin, or with the shirt completely off, all because he’d spilt a little bit of water on himself? It had happened before, and Harry had said that it would probably happen again, and what if that time it happened again was _right now_? 

By the time Harry finally left the kitchen, two glasses of water in hands, Louis’ cock was straining against his pants and his brain was filled with every disturbing image he could think of to will his hard on away. 

“Louis, why are your eyes closed?” 

“’m thinking.” 

“Does that help you think?” Harry said, and his voice was all raspy and it really wasn’t helping his pants situation. 

“Sometimes.” 

“Oh, okay. I’m closing my eyes too then.” 

“Alright.” 

“I’ve been trying to think of the smut for this. Like, Luke is going to bottom right? Because that’s the only way I think I could write it.”

“That’s fine.” 

“And I don’t think I could write kinky kind of sex, like with toys, but I reckon it would be good to incorporate the pizza somehow. Like, maybe Luke could lick pizza sauce off Danny’s abs or something? And eat mushrooms off him or something? I know mushrooms aren’t sexy but-“

“Shush.”

“Oh, sorry. How come?” 

“I’m trying to concentrate and you- it’s hard. To concentrate I mean. It’s really fucking hard.” And Louis’ words came out in an embarrassing kind of whine that he really hoped Harry didn’t notice. But then there was total silence, and it was making Louis really uncomfortable, so he opened one eye and there Harry was. Eyes resting shut oh-so-lightly, eyelashes fluttering against his pale pink cheeks, tongue poking out between his big soft lips, nose crinkled in concentration. His hands were stretched out on the table and Louis desperately wanted to reach out to lace their fingers together. Harry looked so good, even just sitting there doing absolutely nothing, and Louis thought _Fuck it_. He dropped to his knees and crawled under the table and was reaching out to wrench Harry’s fly down when the front door slammed open. And Louis jumped up and thumped his head on the table, and Harry heard it and peeked down at Louis with a questioning look. 

And Zayn asked “What the fuck is going on here?” as Harry said “Louis?”

And Louis groaned and wished again that his life was written by a writer like Harry and not one like himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry-not-sorry
> 
> That's a lie I am actually quite sorry. I'm a tease. I'll try really hard to get another part up tomorrow!!! Otherwise I won't be able to for like a week :/ xoxoxoxo


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really hope I'm not offending anyone's writing!!! I'm trying to exaggerate stuff with Harry and his 'terrible smut' so I don't offend anyone but I'm really sorry if I do unintentionally!! Like the stuff he 'writes' isn't what I've seen written in anyones fic, I'm kind of just making light of what I've seen in text posts about fanfiction.
> 
> Now that that's done: first bit of smut in this chappy!! Kudos and comments make my day, love y'all lots, hope you like it!! xoxoxoxo

“Forget it, I don’t want to know.” Zayn muttered before Louis could even open his mouth. Harry still wanted an answer, if his furrowed eyebrows and slack jaw were anything to go by. 

Louis ignored him, crawling out from under the table instead. As he pushed himself up from the ground he asked “How was it?” 

Zayn’s eyes flicked over to Harry. “I’ll tell you later, yeah?” 

“Yeah, alright.” 

Harry made a groaning sound, and Louis looked over quick enough to see his face drop into a frown. “Did it not go well? I thought it would go fantastically, honest! Liam is really nice and beautiful and you’re really broody and beautiful. So, like, Liam could warm you up with his kindness and get into your soul and stuff, and you could be awesome at sex and things.” 

Zayn’s face at that very moment had Louis laughing into his hand. “What the fuck are you on about? Getting into my soul? This isn’t one of your gay love stories kid.” 

“Sorry, I just thought –“

“Don’t worry about it.” Zayn answered quickly, because Harry’s voice was cracking and he was fiddling with the rings on his fingers and he looked so unsure of himself that Louis wanted to reach out and grip on tight. “I’m not bothered, and you’re probably right. Just… I need to talk to Louis about it, yeah?” 

Harry smiled and nodded and picked up the sandwich that was in front of him, still untouched because he’d been too busy silently tempting Louis. 

Louis looked between Zayn and Harry and frowned because he had no idea what he was meant to do. Was he meant to sit down and finish his sandwich and wait until Harry left before he spoke to Zayn, or was he meant to hint at Harry to leave because Zayn needed him? 

“I’m going out for a smoke.” Zayn grunted, and Louis muttered _me too_. 

Once Zayn lit up, Louis asked “So?” 

Zayn exhaled and watched the smoke in the air for a few seconds before replying “He kissed me.” 

Louis “Mmmm”ed in encouragement. 

“When we met up at the station, he hugged me. But it wasn’t like a matey type hug, it was a little too long. But I ignored it ‘cause I figured he could just hug like that. Then we sat down and I thought he was reaching out for my hand so I put my hands in my pockets, but then he like… touched my leg? And left his hand there, sort of thing, and didn’t take it away even when I started jumping it up and down. It kind of just made his hand go a little higher and in a bit, and when he didn’t move it away then I texted you.” Zayn took another puff, kicking at the ash on the ground with the toes of his shoe. His voice was a little rougher when he said “Then at halftime he went to the loo and bought me some hot chips and a beer and like a giant bag of lollies. And then I noticed we were in the good seats, and he put his hand back on my knee, and he, like, kept whispering shit in my ear.”

“How was that?” Louis asked, because he could see and feel the exact moment when Zayn started to turn in on himself. When his eyes fixed on a spot in the sky, no longer tracing the movement of the smoke in the air before him. When his voice became a little lost in the noise of the street they were standing in. 

Zayn looked back to Louis and shrugged. “It was kind of nice, I guess. It was tickly, and his voice is quite deep which I actually sort of liked.”

“Tickly like breath in your ear?” 

“Nah, like. You know when you shiver and your Mum says _someone’s just walked over your grave_? It felt like a fucking herd of elephants were stampeding over my grave, or the whole fucking animal cast of Jumanji.” 

Louis couldn’t help but grin. “So when did he kiss you?” 

“After we went to a pub. He wanted to get a drink after the game, so I went with him because I’m not going to just fucking take the guy’s ticket to a game and dash, you know? So after a few beers we walked to the station and it was just before we had to split to get to the different platforms.” Zayn stubbed the cigarette out on the brick wall beside them. “We hugged and then I pulled back and he just kind of went for it.”

“What kind of kiss was it?” 

Zayn shrugged. “I dunno, a short one? Just a second of lips together, no tongue or whatever.”

“What did you do?” 

“I just sort of acted like it never happened, I guess. I probably looked a bit shocked, if I’m honest, but hopefully not too freaked out. I thanked him for taking me to the game and pretty much ran to get the Tube.” 

“Are you going to see him again?” 

“I suppose. He’s a nice guy and that, but I don’t want to be his boyfriend.” 

Louis was open mouthed, ready to say something, when Harry came falling out of the doorway to their building. Zayn grinned and muttered “Nice exit” but Harry didn’t even acknowledge him. He just looked to Louis and made a weak attempt at a smile and said “I better get going. I, umm, I kind of thought that Liam might need the place to himself but clearly he’s home alone now so I should go see him and ask him… some things. About life and stuff, I dunno. Just things.”

“Oh.” Louis frowned and Harry had him in a tight hug within seconds.

“It’s alright, we’ll finish writing our story another time. Send me your Uni timetable? I can figure out if we’ll ever be there at the same time and we can hang out, yeah?” Harry sounded so hopeful and Louis wanted to cry at the injustice of it all. He could have had Harry’s cock in his mouth at this very moment if Zayn had bloody stayed with Liam.

“Of course, yeah. I’ll be in tomorrow afternoon, you?” 

“Not til Tuesday, but I live pretty close so maybe you could come ‘round on your way? That’d be fun.”

Louis nodded and cleared his throat because he could feel Zayn’s smirk. “I’ll call you tonight.” 

“Alright, see you!” And after a final breathtaking-of-the-literal-kind hug, Harry was walking off down the street. Tiny bum swaying, thighs flexing, massive feet turned in at a funny angle that should have looked strange but just looked endearing. 

Louis groaned.

Zayn laughed. “I think I’d like to know what you were doing under the table now.”

 

Harry’s place was actually a lot nicer then what Louis had expected. He wasn’t really sure why, but Louis had thought the place would be a wreck despite Harry’s insistence that Liam was a clean freak. He was expecting upturned furniture and holes in the walls and stained carpet, plastic cups and plates and cutlery in the sink, a lock on the cupboard under the sink where all the cleaning chemicals were kept. As he watched Harry trip on his feet and fall into a wall, he figured that yeah; maybe he did sort of have an idea why he expected the place to be child-proofed. 

“I’ve only got a couple of hours before my lecture.” Louis announced as he held his hand out to help Harry off the floor. 

“Come with me! I’ve wrote some stuff for the story, like the pizza sauce licking and the mushrooms! Well, not mushrooms. I decided peperoni would be better because then I could write, like, ‘ _that’s so fucking hot_ and _careful not to burn yourself_ sort of things, you know?” Harry had been tugging on Louis’ wrist when he moaned filthily, and peperoni innuendo was never something Louis thought he’d find sexy but it was totally doing it for him. 

Harry’s room was a lot closer to what Louis had expected the house to be like. There were marks on the walls and dirty clothes on the floor and an abnormally large collection of hats spread out on his bed. Louis couldn’t quite take his eyes off the last one. 

“I was having trouble deciding.” Harry explained as he gathered the beanies and fedoras into his hands and dumped them onto the floor of his closet. 

“Umm, okay.” 

Harry sat on his desk beside his laptop, and Louis sat down on the chair beside it. Harry was swinging his impossibly long legs as he said “I decided on my orange beanie in the end. I’m in an orange kind of mood, you know? I think it was all the tequila shots I had last night with Liam.”

Louis blinked. “Sorry?” 

“Because I had so many limes it would make sense that I’m feeling really citrusy today.” 

Louis nodded like he understood. “How’s Liam?” 

“Good.” Harry beamed. 

“Did he say anything about Zayn?” 

Harry bit his lip and looked down to his swinging feet. “I don’t want to say too much and I’m not very good with secrets so can we just not talk about Liam and Zayn?” 

“Yeah, that’s alright. Do you want to show me what you’ve written?” 

Harry was back to grinning wide and looking up at Louis. “Yeah! Just move the mouse, its already open.” 

Louis moved his chair into the desk in front of him and gripped the mouse that was dangerously close to Harry’s thighs; he couldn’t really move it anymore to the right without touching him. So he moved it left until the screen saver disappeared and used the arrows to scroll down the page as he read. 

It was full of the usual spelling and grammar errors, and Louis fixed all of those up before he was able to concentrate on following the actual story. And he wished he’d left himself a few distractions, because the words on the screen before him were making him sweat. 

Harry wrote Luke making dinner for Danny and making a mess of it all, spilling water on himself and Danny pulling his shirt off and kissing his bare shoulder before taking the spoon out of his hand to taste the tomato pizza sauce he’d made. Danny left a bit on his mouth and Luke licked it off; Danny kneaded the dough with his strong hands and Luke entwined their fingers together to help out; when the pizza was finally cooked and served and Luke took his first bite, a piece of peperoni fell onto his bare chest and slid down it, leaving a trail of pizza sauce behind. And Danny fell onto his knees and crawled under the table and sucked that bit of meat into his mouth before pulling down Harry’s fly to get at an even bigger piece of meat. And Louis groaned and pulled out Harry’s hard cock and…

“Harry?” Louis croaked.

“Mmm?” 

“You, umm. You –“ he really wanted to call him up on it, the fact that he’d used the wrong names, _their_ names, but he couldn’t do it. What if he was imagining it?

“What is it Lou?” Harry swear-to-god purred. Louis looked up into Harry’s eyes and groaned because he was just staring hungrily back, still swinging his legs so his thighs were bouncing dangerously close to his hand. 

“Fuck.” Louis groaned, and Harry was off the desk and onto the floor in a graceful slide that left him propped up on his knees beside Louis’ chair. Louis spun it around and put his legs on either side of Harry. He shivered as Harry’s big hands slid up the inseam of his sweats, from his ankles and up his calves and thighs until they met at his crotch. Louis spread his legs wider and watched Harry’s long fingers pull his sweatpants down to release his hard cock. “It’s not meat.” 

“What?” Harry asked, eyes fixated on his own hands as they wrapped around Louis.

“Don’t ever call a cock _meat_. Even if you’re, fuck-“ Louis’ breath hitched embarrassingly because Harry’s lips were sliding down his cock impossibly quick. “Shit Harry.” 

Harry hummed around him, pink lips stretched yet somehow still plump, tongue curling up against his shaft, fingers pressing hard into Louis’ thighs. 

“Even if you’re talking about peperoni, don’t ever call a cock meat.” Louis flopped his head back against the chair, far enough to have a bit of support for his neck but not so far that he couldn’t see Harry; eyes hooded, cheeks hollowed, lips not much pinker then his own cock. 

Louis’ hands found their way into Harry’s hair, scratching at his scalp until Harry did something with his tongue and they tightened into fists around his curls. Harry groaned and sucked with a new fervour; Louis’ hips bucked up and Harry pinned them down with his large hands; Louis groaned and Harry found a new spot for his tongue to pay attention to so he would groan louder; Louis untangled one of his hands from Harry’s hair to hold his jaw, and Harry twisted his head so he felt his own cock through Harry’s cheek. 

“Shit, shit, _fuck_! I’m gonna come, Harry!” he whined, and Harry pulled back and ran his tongue over his slit and Louis was coming, Harry’s throat working around him to swallow it all down. 

And when Harry pulled off, he grinned up at Louis with flushed cheeks and sweaty hair and wet lips. He looked so bloody happy and pleased and turned on that Louis didn’t even have to think about it. He just fell down onto Harry’s lap and kissed him. It was hard and sloppy and their teeth clashed a few too many times, but Louis could feel Harry’s groans against his lips and taste himself in Harry’s mouth and that was more than good enough. 

“What do you want me to do?” Louis asked when Harry moved to suck kisses into his neck. 

He felt Harry’s legs spread underneath him and fingers dig into his ass, sliding a little between the cheeks. He shuffled forward and felt Harry’s hardened cock underneath him. 

“Whatever you want.” Harry moaned into his jaw, and Louis circled his hips a little so his ass brushed over Harry’s jean-clad cock. Harry hissed through his teeth, and that was the only encouragement he needed. 

Louis tugged Harry’s fly and his own sweatpants down so that only Harry’s underwear was between them. He pushed his ass down into Harry and the boy beneath him sucked in a sharp breath. He bounced his ass and circled his hips and when Harry was moaning he licked into his open mouth to kiss him filthily. 

Louis was about to reach into Harry’s underwear to take his cock in his hand when Harry came. He gripped Louis’ hips to keep his ass pressed down into him, grunting through his teeth and eyes clenched shut. Louis felt the wetness of Harry’s underwear against his bare skin and watched Harry blink his eyes slowly open.

“Fucking hell.” Harry muttered. 

“Yeah.” Louis looked down at Harry, at his wide green eyes and flushed skin and wild hair, and asked “What happens now?” 

Harry’s fingers pushed up the back of his shirt and spread out against his skin. “What do you mean?” 

“Like, do we clean ourselves up now and cuddle until we fall asleep? Or do I leave and have a freak-out in the elevator because I’ve never done that before and I don’t know what any of it means et cetera?” 

Harry blinked. “Never done what before?” 

“I guess freak-out in the elevator it is.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somethin flufftastic for y'all :) 
> 
> Thanks for the comments lovelies!! Wouldn't have updated so quick without them!! xoxoxoxoo

“Lou wait!” Harry grunted from his spot on the floor. 

Louis had climbed off his lap, quickly pulling up his pants and looking at anything but Harry. He felt embarrassed heat under his whole face and neck and he didn’t want him to see. But he didn’t really want to go, too, so he just stood awkwardly in the centre of Harry’s room, fingers pulling at the material of his sweats by his thighs. “I’ve got to go to class.” He muttered to the bedroom door. 

He heard a shuffle and shied back when Harry moved in front of him. Harry gripped his chin and pulled his face up until Louis looked at him. “I’m sorry.” 

Louis frowned and tried to ignore the way Harry’s hand fit perfectly along his jaw, fingertips tickling the spot just below his ears. “Why are you sorry?”

It was Harry’s turn to look away. “For writing our names in the story and sucking you off and coming in my pants just now.” 

“Why are you sorry though? You shouldn’t be sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No Louis!” Harry’s voice came out in a sudden rush, unwavering and a little too loud in the small room. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for! Just because I say sorry doesn’t mean you have to say sorry. I’m just one of those people that says sorry for everything because I don’t like making people upset and sorry seems to work sometimes but I didn’t mean for you to be upset _because_ I said sorry. I’m just really confused why you’re upset though, but I’m sorry for whatever it is I did.” 

“Can’t you be an asshole just this once?” Louis groaned, dropping to sit on the bed behind him because Harry looked so earnest and it was a little hard to think when their faces were so close. When Harry sat beside him, he took a deep breath and said “I’m a virgin.” Harry didn’t say anything, again. Like he always seemed to do when Louis mentioned his inexperience. Like on the phone and after they came and –

“Is that all?” 

Louis looked up from his knees and blinked.

“Like, is that why you’re upset? Sorry, I didn’t mean _is that all_ like doing sex stuff for the first time isn’t a big deal, because it is and I don’t want to undermine your feelings. But I mean, is that why you didn’t want to do stuff with me before? Not because you don’t like me like that?” Louis nodded slowly, and Harry grinned. But then he forced his face into a frown and said “Sorry, that was a bad time to smile. I’m just really happy that you don’t not like me but this is a serious moment so I’ll be serious.” 

And just like that, Louis was laughing. Harry’s forehead was creased and the corners of his mouth were turned exaggeratedly down and none of it looked right on his face. 

“No Lou stop laughing!” Harry whined, clearly fighting the need to smile.

“Sorry.” Louis said with a grin, not quite ready to let go of his sudden happiness. Harry just made it too easy to be comfortable. “I’ll go back to freaking out in a second.”

“Don’t do that!” Harry grabbed Louis’ hand and tucked it between his knees. “Just tell me why you were going to freak out. Because I don't mind at all that you're a virgin. I like that. I can teach you things and you can learn things and I'll be the one to see you learn them because I taught them. Obviously. Did we go to fast? I’m sorry. I’m rushing you aren’t I?” 

“It is moving a little quickly.” 

Harry nodded. “Alright, we’ll take it slow.” 

Louis shook his head and looked up at Harry. “But I don’t want to, that’s the thing! Like whenever we’re together I just can’t stop thinking about… umm, doing stuff. With you. And then when I’m away from you I can think clearly but even then I still want to be with you so I can feel that again. You’re addictive.” 

Harry’s lips were on his and his hands were in his hair and Louis made an embarrassing squeaky noise in the back of his throat. “Sorry, sorry!” Harry said as he pulled away. “That was just really lovely and it felt like the right moment but it wasn’t was it?”

Louis grinned and muttered “It was right” and pressed their lips together again. It felt nice, Harry’s mouth moving slowly against his. It wasn’t all electricity and desperation like their other kisses. Louis opened his mouth up a fraction, pushing Harry’s lips open with his, and pressed the tip of his tongue against the inside of Harry’s bottom lip. It made the boy groan and press at Louis’ shoulders until he fell back onto the bed. Harry climbed on top of him and fixed his hips against Louis’ and pushed his hands up between Louis’ back and the mattress so he could feel hot skin under his fingers and still hold himself up enough to not crush the boy below him. 

“Can we be boyfriends? I really want to be your boyfriend Louis. I have since I was fifteen and I know we just met a couple of days ago but that was just in person and we still knew each other before that, didn’t we? I’ve liked you for so long and I don’t want to waste any time that we’re together not being together, you know?” Harry panted it into Louis’ chest, hair tickling his chin and breath blowing through his shirt so he was shivering all over. “Not that our time together is a waste when we’re not being boyfriends. Is that how it sounded? I didn’t mean it to sound like that, sorry.” 

Louis laughed and Harry finally looked up at him. “I’d like to be your boyfriend, yeah.” 

It was easy to forget all of his fears and doubts, and it was too hard to think rational thoughts, when Harry’s long body was pressed against his and his hair was so soft under his fingers. And it was easy to feel only joy when Harry was smiling like he was against his skin, lips brushing against his jaw until they found their rightful place against his. 

 

Louis didn’t bother going to his lecture, and it was the first time he’d ever missed a class in his whole Uni-going life. It had been too comfortable pressed up against Harry, listening to him ramble on about the crush he’d had for years. 

“I was always so in awe of you and your brain and I still am because you’re incredible Louis. You’re so smart and lovely and beautiful but I already knew those things before I saw you and so when I did see you I just really wanted you to know.” He’d admitted, and Louis couldn’t believe this was his life. That the day before the weekend, and every day before that, Louis had written stories about this stuff happening to other people and now it was happening to _him_. That he had a boy far prettier than anyone he could have imagined up pressed against his hip, fingers tracing along his arm, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek. And this boy didn’t even realise that Louis was a loser and a nobody and a bore, or if he did know he didn’t care. So he watched Harry talk until his eyes couldn’t stay open any longer, and then he just listened. Harry spoke more of what he liked about Louis, and Louis felt fingers brush along his eyelids and down his nose and along his lips that were quirking into a smile. And Harry spoke of how Louis’ eyelashes were long and his nose was perfect and his lips were such a lovely soft pink, and his fingers traced lower as he continued to compliment until Louis fell asleep. 

 

When he woke, it was to voices outside of Harry’s room. He rolled onto his back and pushed himself up and felt quite sluggish, like he’d woken right in the middle of the deepest sleep and his body was desperately trying to pull him back into it. But his mind was a lot more interested in what the time was and what the people in the lounge room were saying. 

He pressed his ear to the door and heard Harry, gushing to Liam about him. Saying that Louis was sleeping in his room and that they were boyfriends and that he was so bloody happy he could probably karate kick his own head off. Which was an odd show of happiness, but he could definitely imagine Harry doing it. Louis couldn’t quite make out what Liam was saying, his voice a lot gruffer and quicker, so he pushed the door open and the voices stopped. 

Harry appeared in the hallway in front of him, grinning manically and holding out his arms. Louis hesitantly walked into them and smiled at Liam over Harry’s shoulder. 

“Hello.” Louis mumbled, and Liam waved and gave him a polite nod. 

“Congratulations!” Liam said, like they’d just got engaged rather than announce an hour-long relationship. 

“Right. Ahh, what’s the time?” Louis looked out of the window and saw that it was still light, so that was a plus. 

“Coming on four now.” Liam told him. 

“I better get going. Zayn wanted to hang out tonight.” 

“Do you think he’d want to come here?” Harry asked hopefully, and when Louis shook his head Harry sighed and pouted and pulled Louis back into a hug. “Do you really have to go? You didn’t finish reading what I wrote.” 

Louis blushed because the memory of why was still very fresh. “Can you email it to me? I’ll put it together with my part so we can publish it soon.”

Harry nodded quick. “I can’t wait until you put it up! Do you think you could get to do it tonight? You can put it on your Tumblr, I don’t mind, and maybe you can just tag me? Or not, I really don’t care. It will be enough to know I helped.” 

“Harry, don’t be silly! You worked on that story all last night.” Liam growled at him with a little frown on his face.

And Louis blushed because he really shouldn’t have been thinking about Harry writing dirty things in the middle of the night, hunched over the keyboard with a hand down his pants, but he was and nobody had to know about it. He cleared his throat. “I was actually thinking that maybe you should post it and I’ll reblog it from you because then people would have to visit your page to read it and you might get some more followers out of it or something. I think that would be good.” 

Harry beamed and nodded his head. “Okay! Maybe you should email me your bit and I’ll put it all together? And I’ll publish it tonight that way, which would be awesome because I am so excited about it!” 

“Yeah, okay.” Louis said, and it may have come out like a sigh but Harry and Liam didn’t seem to notice. It was just he still hadn’t finished proof reading Harry’s part, and he knew that Harry would publish it with mistakes, and it would have his name on it and his reputation could be ruined. He knew it shouldn’t matter because it was supposed to be a bit of fun but he couldn’t really help it; writing had been his everything for the last five years.

Harry clapped his hands together and his grin spread wider and wider on his face and the way he was rolling back and forth on his heels like he couldn’t keep still made Louis think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to lose a few followers for his biggest fan; maybe he had a new everything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the person who wanted warning, this chapter has top Louis!! It's at the very end, you'll know when its coming so you should defs still read the first half :) 
> 
> Also I wrote a lot of this when I was super tired so there'll probs be mistakes that I missed despite two read throughs. Sorry if there is!!! 
> 
> xoxoxooxoxo

_“Do you like that?” Danny said around the cock in his mouth._

_“Its’ good.” Luke groaned, his dick in Dannys mouth. He groaned even louder when he pushed it in further. It felt like electricity was in his cock._

_“I could suck you off all day.” Danny said, pulling off and kissing the hed of the cock. He wrapped his hand around the ten inch cock and pumped it six times._

_Luke pushed Danny done and groaned “Well why dont you?”_.

Really, it was a lot better than Louis had expected. The mistakes were obvious yet not too distracting, but he couldn’t help but wonder how old Harry’s version of Word was. Or did Harry just not have auto-correct switched on? 

“So, have you read it yet?” Harry’s voice sounded over the phone.

“Still reading the blow job scene.” 

“What are you thinking?” 

“It’s good.” Louis lied. He tried not to feel too guilty; he would feel a lot worse if he told Harry the truth. 

“Yeah? It’s already got loads of notes and it’s only been up for twenty minutes!”

By Louis’ standards, 16 notes wasn’t ‘loads’. So he reblogged it and added a caption that read _My first ever collab. Hope you like it!_ and almost immediately the note count doubled. People were liking it and reblogging it before they even read it, and it made Louis feel a little sick. 

“Oh wow! How many followers do you have? I’ve only got 456, which is more than a lot of people I know but considering I’ve had a Tumblr for so long I should probably have more. All my school friends unfollowed me when this pretty much became an Animal Kingdom blog.” 

“Umm, a few thousand.” Louis replied, sounding a little distant because he was still reading Harry’s fic. _Their fic_ , he mentally corrected himself. 

“Like three thousand? That’s what few means right?” 

“Umm, a few fews then.”

“Oh, so like nine thousand?” 

“A bit more than that.” 

Harry was silent for a moment. “Oh wow! The notes are going up so fast!”

Louis stopped reading after Danny had sucked Luke off and then fucked him. After that scene was a part he wrote to finish it off, so he didn’t need to bother going over that again. “Finished it.”

“It’s good isn’t it? I reckon people will really like it.”

“It’s different.” Louis muttered. 

“Can we hang out tomorrow? Will you be at Uni?” 

“I haven’t got class tomorrow so I was just going to get started on this new assignment.” Louis rubbed at his eyes, strained after staring at the computer for – he looked at the clock – four hours straight.

“Would you want to meet up with me and Niall for drinks at the campus bar? Our class together finishes at five so we were planning on heading straight there.” 

“Umm, maybe. I’ll talk to Zayn. I think I should probably go to bed now, it’s really late.” 

“Oh, alright! I’ll probably stay up. Watching the notes count rise is too exciting, I don’t think I could sleep!” 

Louis laughed and said goodnight and snuggled back down into his bed. He saw he had quite a few new messages but he decided to leave them until the next day. He added a few pictures and quotes and things that made him laugh to his queue, and closed the laptop shut. 

He desperately wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t quite stop thinking. 

He was worried about how their fic was going to be received, how much hate he was going to get and what people were going to say to Harry. He thought about how he’d lied to Harry on two occasions; the first about what he thought of the blow job scene Harry had written, and the second when he said he’d ask Zayn about going to the bar. Truth was, he really just didn’t want to go. 

He didn’t like going out. He had fun the other night when they went, but that was sort of a one off thing. Their Uni wasn’t all that close to his place, and he really didn’t want to travel all the way there on a day he didn’t even need to go in. Zayn called him lazy, which Louis probably was, but he just didn’t get that Louis got more enjoyment from his laptop talking to Tumblr friends then he did going out and speaking to people face to face. Plus there was the added bonus of not needing to leave the comfort of his own bed. Louis expected Harry to be the same too; he kind of expected everyone on Tumblr to be that way if he was honest. 

So he told himself that he would think about it tomorrow, that maybe when he wasn’t exhausted the idea of socialising with Harry’s friends wouldn’t feel so daunting. 

 

It was Zayn that convinced him to go in the end. He had to practically dress Louis and push him out the door, but at least he was coming too.

“I can’t remember the last time I went drinking this early.” Zayn admitted. “And on a Tuesday too. Won’t be long before you’re a right mess like the rest of us.” He pushed Louis as they walked and the boy willed himself to laugh. 

“I’ve got a lecture tomorrow so I won’t be staying out too late. You’ll be coming home with me, just so you know. The walk from the Tube station home is scary and I’m not doing it alone past ten o’clock.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Zayn grumbled. “Is Liam coming?” 

Louis shrugged. “Probably. Have you spoken to him since the date?” 

“Yeah. I’m not ignoring him or anything, I just haven’t really accepted any of his offers to take me out.”

“You’re not leading him on, are you?” 

Zayn pulled out a cigarette and lit up. “Nah, I keep dropping the word ‘mate’ and ‘bro’ and I’m pretty sure he’s caught on.”

“Have you mentioned that you like girls?” 

Zayn frowned around the cigarette in his mouth. “Not sure to be honest.”

“Well you better tell him. I think he’s still interested.” 

“I’ll tell him tonight then.” 

 

Louis choked on his tongue when he saw Harry, because he was sitting at a table with at least five people Louis had never met before and they were all pretty and fighting to be heard over the others and they were not his kind of people. 

Harry’s eyes were on him as soon as he walked through the door, so by the time Louis and Zayn got to their table Harry pulled him in for a close hug. “Are you alright?” he muttered into his ear. 

Louis nodded shortly and sat on the seat that Harry had pulled up for him. 

He watched as Zayn introduced himself to everyone and shook hands and kissed cheeks, and this is why Louis didn’t do this stuff; he couldn’t. His first reaction wasn’t to learn everyone’s names, it was to wish for the ability to turn invisible. 

“Alright love?” a pretty blonde asked him. When he nodded, she smiled. “I’m Perrie.” 

“Louis.” 

“Right, I forgot! Everyone this is my boyfriend Louis!” Harry yelled over the noise. And then he named all of his friends off too quick for Louis to even register what he was saying. They all welcomed him with a chorus of _hi_ s and Louis sunk further down into his seat. There were at least twelve eyes on him, and that was ten too many. Then Harry sat down on Louis’ lap and wriggled his bony ass into his thighs. “I’m so happy you came!” 

“Yeah. Umm, there’s a lot more people here then I thought there would be.” 

“Yeah! Niall kind of turned it into a thing. Is that okay?” Harry’s eyes were creasing at the corners and his forehead was wrinkling and Louis didn’t want to be the cause of that distress so he nodded. 

“It’s fine.” And he bit down the urge to add _I wouldn’t have come if I knew_ because he didn’t want Harry to know he was boring; he didn’t want Harry to start saying no to everything too. 

“So where’s Liam?” Zayn asked from where Harry had been sitting between Niall and Perrie. 

“He finishes at 6 so he should be here in a bit.” Niall explained, then stood up and yelled “I’m getting the next round, what do you all want?” There were three boys that Louis had never seen before and two girls plus Perrie, and there was at least four conversations going at the same time between them so it wasn’t much of a surprise that Niall needed to shout to be heard. Even then, no one replied to him.

“Just grab a few jugs.” Harry suggested, then turned to Louis. “What do you want?” 

“Whatever you’re having.” 

“I feel like a rum and coke. Is that alright?” When Louis nodded, Harry climbed off his lap and followed Niall to the bar. 

Louis watched Zayn talk to Perrie, who was flushed pink with the attention, and saw the way Zayn reached out to take a sip of her drink with a wink. She giggled and leaned in close to whisper something into his ear, and Louis wished he knew how to do all that. He probably would have thrown up on himself if someone tried to flirt with him like they were doing. It’s why Harry suited him so well, really, because the boy was tactless and just came out and said exactly what he was thinking. 

“Here.” Harry shoved the glass into Louis’ hand and dropped back onto his lap, causing some of the liquid in both their classes to splash out. “Shit, sorry.” 

“It’s alright.”

Perrie laughed loud from beside them, and both turned to her. “You two are so cute. How do you know each other?” 

Louis looked up at Harry, who was looking at him. “Do you want to tell them the story or will I?” 

Louis turned a deep red because he had no idea what to say. Did they know that Harry wrote gay smut in his free time? Would they think Louis was weird if they knew that he did? “Umm, we met through the internet.” 

“Like on a dating website?” another girl asked. 

“Umm, I don’t know.” Louis looked pleadingly up at Harry, who just shrugged his shoulders.

“Nah, through Tumblr. We just met up a few days ago but we’ve been talking for three years. Almost four, actually.” He added with a wide grin, and all the girls cooed at them. 

“Are you a fan of that band too, then?” Perrie asked, and Louis nodded his head.

“Not as big a fan as me, but he likes them enough.” Harry said as he took a sip of his drink, and Louis did too. He’d forgotten all about it when the conversation had centred around him, so he took a big gulp of it and cringed at the taste. It was disgusting, but he took another big sip anyway. He really, _really_ needed to loosen up and was there a better way to then getting drunk? Probably not. 

“That’s so sweet.” Perrie said with a lovely smile, and Louis liked her; even if he was deep down wishing that Zayn’s inner gay would come out to play for Liam. 

Harry wiggled again and Louis winced. “Harry, could we maybe swap places?” 

“Yeah of course! Am I too heavy?” Harry asked as he jumped up. 

Louis quickly shook his head and pushed himself off the seat, sitting down again on top of Harry’s lap. “My bum has a bit more padding then yours.” Louis said simply, and Harry laughed and wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist. It was nice, and Louis wished he’d thought of doing it to Harry.

“Liam!” Niall yelled, and Louis turned to see the boy walking through the door. He was flushed like he’d been running, and as he came over Louis could see the exact moment that he’d noticed Zayn. Liam’s eyes widened and then dropped to the floor, his hands balled into fists and his steps became slower. 

“Hi.” He said with a small smile and pulled a seat up between Harry and a guy with light hair and black framed glasses. Louis couldn’t remember his name, something beginning with R.

“How was class?” Harry asked, and Liam shrugged. “There’s a spare glass if you want some beer.” 

Liam nodded and Louis watched as he peeked up at Zayn across the table as he poured himself a drink. Zayn was in the middle of a conversation with Perrie, and Louis couldn’t be sure if he had even noticed Liam’s presence. 

“How are you?” Louis asked a little hesitantly. He didn’t like talking in front of all these people but he just wanted to make Liam feel better. 

“Umm, alright. Pretty good I guess.” Liam muttered back. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis blurted, and he felt Harry’s hands squeeze him closer to his chest. Liam grimaced and he said “For Zayn. Flirting with that girl.” 

Liam’s eyes dropped down and Harry said “What? With Perrie? She’s gay though, they’re not flirting.” 

Liam shrugged his shoulders. “They are. At least Zayn is.” 

“But it doesn’t matter does it? She’s gay.” Harry said again.

“Zayn clearly isn’t.”

“Zayn!” Louis snapped, and the boy looked over at them. He raised an eyebrow and Louis didn’t really have anything to say. He just wanted the boy to stop and he hadn’t thought past getting his attention. 

“Oh, hey Liam!” Zayn said with a grin, and Liam just stared coldly back. “How’s things?” 

More silence. 

Zayn was going red, and Perrie looked between the two boys before she said “I was just telling Zayn about my girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, she sounds lovely.” Zayn said quickly.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Louis interrupted the silence, and took another big drink because this was all getting too awkward for him. “Let’s swap places, huh?”

“You want me to sit on Harry’s lap?” Zayn laughed, and Louis shook his head. 

“Liam, can we swap? I’ve got to talk to Ryan about something.” Perrie said as she jumped up, and Liam sighed loudly. 

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Harry whispered into his ear. 

“I just want to get out of here.” Louis muttered back.

“We can if you like. I don’t mind.” Harry assured him quickly, and Louis shook his head. 

“I think Liam would rather you were here.” Louis looked around and noticed that everyone around them were in conversations, albeit Zayn and Liam in an awkward one, so he asked “How is the story going?” 

Harry raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t checked?” 

Louis had avoided Tumblr all day, scared of what his followers might say, so he shook his head and said “Haven’t had time.” 

“Oh. Umm, it’s doing really well! A lot of notes; when I checked this morning it was over three hundred!” Harry was grinning so wide, Louis couldn’t help but return it. “Hey, you’ve finished your drink. Want mine? I can drink some beer.” 

“I don’t think I like rum.” Louis admitted. “I want to try a gin and tonic. My Mum always drinks them and I like how they smell.” 

Harry was pushing Louis up and rushing off to the bar, returning not long after with matching clear drinks. “I’ve never tried one either.” he explained, and Louis took the offered alcohol. 

He sipped it and cringed and shook his head. “I don’t think I like this either.” 

“Its bitter, isn’t it? Reminds me of my Grandpa.” Harry admitted with a smile, but took another sip. “You should probably stick to vodka.” 

“I guess. Or maybe I should try brandy just to complete the rhyme.” 

Harry’s forehead creased as he asked “What rhyme?” 

“You know, ‘Gin makes you sin, brandy makes you randy, rum makes you come and vodka makes you want-ta’.” 

“I’ve never heard that.” Harry grinned wide and took a sip of his drink, and Louis was jealous of how Harry could keep his expression neutral instead of scrunching it up tightly like he did. “So far, we’re sinning and coming.” 

“And we’ve still got to get randy and want to.” 

“Aren’t they the same thing?” 

“I guess. Randy means horny doesn’t it? I’ve heard the line ‘whiskey makes you frisky’ so maybe that’s meant to replace something. Except frisky means horny too, I guess.” Louis looked back at Harry, who just looked plain old fond. It made him blush and ask “What?” 

“You sounded like me just now. All rambley and not keeping your thoughts in your head. I like hearing your thoughts.” 

Louis blushed and said “You wouldn’t like all of them.” 

“Probably not, but that’s okay.” Harry shrugged. And Louis lent down and kissed him softly on the lips. 

“Some people would call that a sin, you know.” Louis said as he pulled back, licking his lips.

Harry traced the movement with hooded eyes and the smallest of smiles. “Are we going to go through them all then? What does rum make you do again?” 

Louis grinned at Harry’s attempts to be subtle. “Come. But first we’ve got to want to.” And Louis shuffled back onto Harry’s lap, back to chest and head against his shoulder. He could feel Harry’s breath against his neck and he tried to ignore it as he watched Zayn and Liam. They seemed to be having a good time talking. Liam was leaning in to Zayn like Perrie had been, and Zayn’s arm was lying along the back of Liam’s chair. Their faces were mere inches apart as they spoke. 

Louis shifted his ass a little and felt something that hadn’t been there before. He lay his head further back and looked up at Harry who was turning pink. 

“I’ve got a confession to make.” Harry muttered.

“What is it?” 

“I had some vodka before you got here.” And Louis laughed so loud that everyone around them turned to look but he didn’t even care. He just kissed Harry’s jaw and shifted his ass into Harry’s crotch, watching his boyfriend’s lips purse. “Are you ready for some?” 

“I don’t need some. I’m ready for you.” Louis said, lips moving against Harry’s neck and watching as his Adam’s Apple bobbed when he swallowed. He liked this, having power over Harry. He himself was turned on, but nowhere near the extent to which Harry was, and he was enjoying watching Harry struggle to contain himself. “Should we go now?” 

Louis made to push himself up, and Harry pulled his hips back down onto his thighs rather then his crotch. “In a second. I’ve got to, uh, calm it down.” 

“Alright.” Louis laughed. He felt quite warm after only the two drinks, and he was enjoying this carefree confidence. “Can I finish your drink?” Harry took another sip and handed it over to Louis. “I want to be sinful for you.” 

Harry choked on the liquid in his throat and Louis giggled before taking another sip of his own. 

 

Louis shuffled back on Harry’s bed, watching as his boyfriend climbed over his body and pressed kisses along his neck. They were soft and not quite enough, so Louis gripped on to the back of Harry’s neck and groaned “More.” He felt Harry’s tongue against his skin and pushed his free hand between them to unbutton their jeans. 

“Louis.” Harry moaned against his jaw. “How far do you want to go? You wanted to go slower didn’t you?”

“Fuck no.” Louis growled back, blushing when a chuckle rumbled through Harry’s throat. 

“I like it when you swear.” He admitted, and Louis laughed. 

“That’s a cliché.” 

“I still like it though. I also like the way you moan. You sound really desperate for me, and that’s nice.” 

Louis wriggled back onto the pillow and grinned up at Harry. “Yeah?” And when Harry nodded Louis said “I _am_ desperate for you.” He watched Harry’s eyes clench tightly shut for a moment, and when they opened again the look Harry was giving him made him shiver. 

“What do you want to do then?” 

Louis bit his lip. “Can I fuck you?” 

Harry groaned into Louis’ mouth as he kissed him, which was answer enough really. He pulled back long enough to get their shirts off and onto the ground, and when their lips moved together again it was all the more better with Harry’s bare skin against Louis’. Harry’s chest was hard and his skin smooth and his palm was flat against Louis’ soft stomach. His fingers tickled under his ribs while the other hand was gripping Louis’ jaw, and Louis groaned because the only pressure against his cock was his tight jeans and he _needed_ more friction. He needed Harry naked against him. 

“Take them off.” Louis begged as he pulled at his own trousers, and Harry happily obliged. He pulled his underwear down with his jeans in one quick motion and helped Louis with his own. “You- you’re actually quite big.” Louis stuttered, and Harry grinned. 

“Yeah. Eight and a bit inches, I measured.”

Louis laughed and shook his head. “I never thought there’d be mention of cock size in our very own smut scene.” 

“It wouldn’t be a real smut scene without it.” Harry grinned back, and slid his hands along Louis’ torso and back down along his thighs. “You want to prep me or will I do it?” 

“I want to.” Louis replied quickly, voice strained and most definitely desperate. He took the lube bottle Harry offered him and squirted a generous amount onto his fingers. 

“Make sure you warm it up a bit.” Harry said kindly, and Louis wasn’t sure if he felt embarrassed or grateful that the fact Louis was a virgin wasn’t lost on him. 

He rubbed the lube around between his fingers as Harry lay back, pushing himself up with his feet against the bed and canting his hips so his ass was on full display. Louis ran his lube-less hand up one of Harry’s tensing thighs and the boy moaned out his name. “One finger first, yeah?” 

Louis nodded and pushed his index finger in. Harry hissed between his teeth and said “Get some lube on the ring before you push in the second finger. It’ll ease the pull a bit.” 

“Sorry.” Louis muttered, and pulled out his finger to add more lube from the bottle. 

“Not too much or it’ll make a gross squelching sound.” 

“Okay.” Louis ran his finger along the muscle this time, getting it wet before he pushed his finger all the way in. “Better?” 

“Yeah.” Harry huffed out with his breath. Louis wriggled his finger around, pushing it up against the walls of Harry’s ass and tentatively sliding a second finger in beside it. “Shit.” 

“Sorry.” Louis said quickly, pulling his fingers quickly out. 

“No, it was good! Fuck, put them back in. And pass me the lube.” Louis did both at once, and watched as Harry squirted the liquid onto his hand and started to jack himself slowly. “It’s amazing Louis, really. One more finger and I’ll be ready to take you, alright?” 

Louis nodded and slid in the third finger, eyes trained on Harry’s hand. His own cock was throbbing, begging for some kind of friction, and his fingers inside Harry’s ass began to reflexively speed up their movement. Louis was pulling his fingers out and pushing them in and pulling them apart to stretch the muscle. On one particular stretch, Harry groaned and begged “Fuck, I’m ready. Try to get that spot.” Louis nodded even though he had no idea which spot that could be. His ass walls all felt the same so it would probably just be luck when he found his prostate again. “Condoms are in the bottom drawer.” 

Louis rolled one on and took the offered bottle from Harry, rubbing lube over his hard cock and positioning himself behind Harry. He rested on his calves, feet against his own ass, and Harry lay his legs over Louis’ thighs. It meant his hips were canted up a little further without Harry needing to strain so much to hold the position.

Louis pushed in slowly and couldn’t bite back his moan; he was inside Harry, who felt warm and soft and, as cliché as it was, tight. He couldn’t think of a better word then tight, and he couldn’t really be bothered because he was inside his hot boyfriend who was panting and groaning and begging him to move. Louis’ fingers dug into Harry’s thighs as he pulled himself out a few inches and rocked back in slowly, ignoring Harry’s begging to go faster because surely this would still hurt. 

“Fuck, Louis, please!” Harry groaned. “I need you to go faster, it’s not enough.”

So Louis rocked in a little faster and changed the angle of his hips until he felt Harry tense around him before Harry moaned _There_. And when Harry’s ass relaxed just the smallest amount, Louis started fucking with a new fervour. He clawed at Harry’s thighs and listened to Harry’s moans and occasional _Fuck_ s. He’d never had anything so tight around his cock, nothing more then his own hand and Harry’s mouth, and he really didn’t need that image in his mind right now. He was trying to hold back for as long as he could but it was too fucking hard with Harry pulsing around him and making those noises and looking down at Louis with his hair stuck to his forehead and his lips bitten red and his hands gripping the pillow on either sides of his head. He came at the sight of Harry’s biceps flexing and the feeling of Harry’s thighs tensing under his palms, and as he started to slow his thrusts Harry begged “Don’t stop!” 

So Louis curled a hand around Harry’s cock and jacked, ignoring his own discomfort as he pushed slowly into Harry, and when Harry came he winced at the way his ass tightened around his softening sensitive cock. 

Harry’s come oozed through his fingers as the boy thrust up into his hand, hips stuttering and finally stilling so Louis could pull out slowly. 

Louis climbed between Harry’s spread legs to kiss him softly before flopping down onto his chest. 

“Well?” Harry asked, breath blowing through Louis’ hair. 

“That was good. Really good. Was it good for you?” 

“Yeah. Really good.” Harry laughed. 

“Good. I could sleep for a million years.” 

“You aren’t up for another round?” 

Louis used every bit of energy he had left to peer up at Harry with a raised eyebrow. “In real life, men have a refractory period of at least twenty minutes. There’s no way in hell that I’ll still be awake in twenty minutes. So no, I’m most definitely not up for another round.” 

Harry laughed and Louis dropped his head back down against his chest, sighing when Harry’s fingers started playing with his hair. 

“Are you glad we did that? You’re not regretting that you lost it to me?” 

“I’m ecstatic.” Louis mumbled into his chest. “Now go to sleep.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry its a little bit shorter then usual guys!! I've just been so busy lately and wanted to write something up while I could!!!  
> xoxoxoxox

Louis woke with a jolt when he felt something hit him in the head. 

“Shit sorry!” Harry grunted in his ear, and Louis watched as he picked up his phone from the bedside table, the one on Louis’ side. 

Louis laughed and rolled onto his back when Harry finally got off him. Harry was flicking over the screen of his phone, and when he frowned Louis asked “What’s wrong?”

Harry looked to him and plastered on a grin and said “Nothing’s wrong! I’m with you.” 

Louis smiled and snuggled into Harry’s chest, eyeing the phone with sideways glances. “What are you doing?” 

“Just checking Tumblr.”

“What’s happening?” 

“Luke’s been partying with some pop princess and there are more rehab rumours about Danny. Louis?” 

Louis looked up at Harry, expecting to meet his eyes but the boy was still staring at the little screen, chewing his bottom lip. “Yeah?” 

“How come you haven’t been on Tumblr since I posted our story?” 

“I’ve just been busy.”

“You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” 

Louis pushed himself up to rest on his elbows, and waited until Harry looked at him. “What’s this about?”

“Nothing.” Harry’s eyes widened and flickered between Louis and his phone.

“Can I look at your phone?” 

Harry shook his head minutely, then sighed and passed it over. “Is it my fault?” 

“Is what?” Louis settled back onto his pillow and clicked into Harry’s inbox.

But Harry didn’t really need to answer, because Louis read the first message and then the second and the third, and they were all anonymous asks filled with hate and blame and disgust directed at Harry. Blaming him for Louis’ disappearance, hating on his writing, saying how disgusted they were that Louis would stoop so low. 

When he looked back to Harry, his lips were gnawed red and his eyes looked a little wet. “I’m sorry.” He rushed out, and Louis was lost for words.

All he could say was “Why?”

“For being so awful. I was selfish and shouldn’t have asked you to write something with me, because of course you’d say yes. You’re so nice and I practically begged you and it would have been too hard for you to say no. That’s why you haven’t been on Tumblr isn’t it? Because you’re embarrassed? I’m so so sorry. Please forgive me, I won’t do it again I promise.” Harry’s eyes were spilling tears as he spoke, and Louis just lay there and watched. He just watched Harry cry and apologise until he was pink in the face, and he felt like shit. He felt so fucking selfish. 

“Don’t say that Harry.” Louis words finally got past the lump in his throat, and his hands finally moved to rest themselves on Harry’s chest. “I’m not nice. You’re wonderful.” 

Harry shook his head and gripped onto Louis’ hands. “I’ll delete it. I’ll take it off my page so you don’t have to be associated with me and my writing. I just didn’t know I was shit. I just did it because I liked it and I wanted to get your attention and I don’t…” Harry sniffled and Louis’ chest went tight. “I’ll stop. I’ll delete everything. I’ll delete my Tumblr if you like, just please don’t break up with me.” 

“Holy shit Harry.” Louis breathed out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t look at my Tumblr because I was scared of what people would say to me, but I didn’t even think about what people could be saying to you.”

“So you were avoiding it because of me?” Harry asked.

“No, not because of you.” Louis assured him. “Because of me and my insecurities. Don’t delete it, please? Don’t delete the story or your Tumblr or anything. I’ll check mine now, alright?” 

Harry nodded, face damp with tears, as Louis pulled his phone out of his jeans that were crumpled on the floor. “How long have you been thinking about this Harry?” 

“Since yesterday.” 

“How come you only asked about it now?” 

“Because I didn’t want to make you sad. I still don’t. I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry. I’m so dramatic.” Harry said with a small smile, rubbing at his eyes. “Are we okay?” 

“Of course we’re okay! I wish you’d stop saying sorry. I wish you’d told me sooner. I want to know when you’re sad.” 

“But it was silly. I shouldn’t have been sad. People say horrible things all the time, I should just get over it. I shouldn’t listen to them, I know. I’m happy now I promise.” 

Louis looked back to Harry, who was grinning wide like he hadn’t been crying seconds before. And Louis was stunned, looking at the face so close to his, because Harry sounded _guilty_. He sounded like he felt bad for feeling sad and telling Louis why, and actually truly sorry for things he shouldn’t be. 

He sighed and clicked into his own inbox and started to read. He read more lovely things about his past work and asks for follows. He finally found something related to the pizza boy story, and read it with bated breath. But it wasn’t hate; not for him anyway. It was someone saying how obvious it was which parts Louis wrote and how good they were, and asking why he had LukeBottomsAlright write the smut. How Louis could have done it so much better. 

There was a constant stream of people asking why Louis did it, giving him compliments and reassurances that Louis was better than that, that he was nice to do that for a friend, that his smut writing was fantastic and he didn’t need to resort to someone who clearly didn’t know what they were doing. 

Louis didn’t know what to say.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked when it had been quiet too long. 

Louis tore his eyes away from the screen and said “I’m so sorry Harry.” 

“Don’t be. It’s okay. I was just sad for a second but now I’m really okay.” 

“But…”

“I’m going to get something to eat? Are you hungry? I’ll get you a towel and you can have a shower.” And before Louis could say anything more, Harry was out of the bed and out of his room. 

 

Louis was very, very confused. He stood under the spray of the shower, trying to work out what the hell just happened. How Harry had gone from a picture of sunshine and rainbows and all things lovely to rain and gloomy clouds and grey skies. It scared him, and it made him feel guilty because he truly thought that Harry was deep down as happy as he seemed; that he was all silliness and sweet words and dimples. 

Louis didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to bring up the break down Harry just had because he could hear Harry singing to himself when he shut off the shower and he sounded happy again. Louis didn’t want to ask Harry why he had got so upset and apologetic because he didn’t want to see Harry sad. And that wasn’t selfish, was it? To not want your boyfriend to be sad? Really, it would be better for the both of them if they just acted like nothing happened. If Louis forgot about Harry’s little meltdown, and Harry went back to being smiley and excitable, then things would go back to the way they were. 

So he stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in some of Harry’s jeans and a shirt because apparently the boy didn’t own any sweats, and approached the kitchen with a smile on his face. If he was going to act happy, then hopefully Harry would too. 

“I made us pancakes!” Harry said, grin stretched wide, and Louis’ tight-chest feeling immediately dissipated. “I’ve got ice-cream and maple syrup, and did you know lemon and sugar is always nice on pancakes? If you want something a little lighter because it’s breakfast and some people don’t like ice-cream for breakfast. Which is okay, you know, if you’re that kind of person. Because we have lemon and sugar, and maybe some strawberries too? If you like.” 

“Whatever you’re having. Can I help?” 

Harry shook his head, matted hair falling into his eyes. “It’s alright, I’ve already got it set out on the table.”

“Can I get us something to drink?” 

“I’ve got a pot of tea made up already, but if you want something else then you can get that. Or I could get it. What would you like?” 

“Tea would be lovely.” Louis smiled reassuringly, because Harry was getting that look again; the one where his eyes turned down at the corners and his top teeth rested on his bottom lip and he smiled without dimples. “Are you sure I can’t carry anything to the table?” 

Harry shook his head and picked up the plate of pancakes, and Louis followed him out of the room. 

Into the dining room, where Harry had laid out bowls of different flavoured ice-cream and a fruit platter and a tea set on a prettily clothed table. 

“Wow.” Louis said as he sat on the chair that Harry pulled out for him. And when Harry started pouring his tea into a little floral tea cup he eloquently added “Holy shit.” 

“It’s too much, isn’t it? It’s a bit weird, too. I’m sorry.” 

Louis was shaking his head as soon as Harry started questioning him. “Don’t apologise, this is beautiful.”

“Yeah?” Harry asked with his signature grin, and Louis nodded quick and sipped his tea. Which was bloody perfect. “I wanted to do something special for you, because we had sex last night. And I didn’t make it very special for you so I wanted you to have this instead. Which probably doesn’t make up for the fact that we didn’t, like, fuck for the first time in nice clean sheets and when we’re sober and with candles and music and all of that.”

Louis tried really hard not to blush, but he felt the heat creeping up onto his cheeks and down his throat and he couldn’t contain the smile that was spreading so wide it hurt. “Last night was perfect. I couldn’t have imagined it being better.” 

“Not even with candles and music and clean sheets? Or when we were sober?” 

“Nope. Because you would probably have kicked a candle and set the bed on fire, which would ruin your nice clean sheets. If there was music, I wouldn’t have been able to hear you. And if I was completely sober, I would have been so nervous and those couple of drinks just took some of the edge off. I was still definitely aware of everything that was going on, trust me.” 

Harry grinned and nodded and put a pancake onto Louis’ plate. It was perfectly round and golden and didn’t even have those stupid bubbly bits that Louis always made. “So I really didn’t need to go to all this trouble then? Because I gave you the best first time anyone has ever had and this is much more then you deserve?” Harry joked and Louis laughed and dropped a scoop of strawberry ice-cream on his plate. 

“This is more than enough, yeah. You’re perfect.”


	9. Chapter 9

It was hard to leave Harry’s bed, but Louis made himself go to Uni. He wore Harry’s clothes, and he was hoping that they’d have some of his lingering scent but they didn’t. They just smelt like laundry powder but the shirt was soft and the jeans were comfortably tight around his thighs and he felt good. He didn’t even need the smell of Harry clinging to the fabric in the end because he had the very boy himself sitting beside him in his lecture. 

Harry had got upset when Louis said he had to go, but he suggested he come too and Louis was more than okay with that. They’d held hands the whole walk there, and across campus, and even in class. Until the lecturer arrived, and Louis had to pull his hand away to pick up his pen because he wasn’t left-handed, and Harry moved his own hand onto Louis’ thigh and tapped his fingers rhythmically. 

“There’s Zayn.” Harry said, a little louder than a whisper, and Louis’ eyes followed Harry’s pointing finger. To where Zayn was sitting with a few of his friends, the ones that Louis would never approach unless he was plastered to Zayn’s side.

“Zayn doesn’t come to this class all that much. I usually take notes for him.”

“Can we go see him?” Harry asked, fingers stopping their crescendo to squeeze instead.

“In the break, yeah?” Louis whispered, and Harry nodded quick. 

Louis may as well not have come at all, Harry was so distracting. It wasn’t just the fingers on his thigh, occasionally dipping to his inner seam; Harry was twitchy and noisy and wouldn’t sit still. He would hum under his breath or whisper things in Louis’ ear. He would continuously change positions and look behind him to watch other students, or flop down onto his desk with a sigh only to sit up straight seconds later. And Louis actually liked this class and the lecturer but couldn’t seem to concentrate on what was being said. 

So when a break was called, Louis stood up to sit with Zayn and Harry followed close behind. 

“Hey.” Louis said as he sat down next to a girl who was sitting next to Zayn, and ignored the way she blinked at him. 

“Hi!” Zayn grinned wide and nodded his head to Harry, who smiled politely back and sat down in the spare seat. “What are you doing here?”

“I just had nothing else to do today and I wanted to come because Louis was coming.”

“Right.” Zayn turned back to Louis and said “I figured you weren’t going to come in today so I thought I’d take the notes for once.” 

Louis frowned. “You could have texted.”

“I did and you didn’t reply.” 

“Oh.” Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed the button below the screen but nothing happened. “Must have died.” He shrugged, and felt Harry’s hand wrap around his thigh underneath the desk. 

“So how was the rest of last night after we went home?” Harry asked, leaning in front of Louis so he could see Zayn. 

Who shrugged and said “Alright. Just had a couple of drinks and then left.”

“Alone?” Louis cut in, and Zayn glared at him.

“Yes, alone.” 

“You had drinks last night and you didn’t invite me?” the girl between them pouted, and Louis was a little startled because he had forgotten that she could speak. 

“It was with Harry’s mates, I couldn’t really invite anyone.” Zayn said a little gruffly, and Louis eyed the girl again. She had nice dark hair and pretty eyes and a floral dress on, and it clicked. She was the one Zayn was eyeing off from afar a few weeks ago, on one of the rare occasions he came to class. Now that Zayn had her beside him, yet was intent on ignoring her, Louis wanted to know what happened. 

“Are you going to get the Tube home with me?” Louis asked, and Zayn nodded. 

“I had no other plans.”

Louis felt Harry’s lips against his ear and his attention was immediately rendered. “You’re going home after this?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I come?” Harry asked with pleading eyes, and Louis had to look away. 

“I’ve got to talk to Zayn about some things tonight, and I don’t think he’ll talk if you’re there. I want to ask him about Liam, you know?” Louis watched the lecturer approach the stand again, so he took Harry’s hand in his between their thighs. “Class is about to start.” He muttered just as the lecturer called everyone to their seats, and Harry sent him a small nod. “You can go home now if you like.”

“Do you want me to go home?” 

“No, it’s not that.” Louis quickly reassured him because Harry’s voice was going panicky and his fist was clenching around Louis’. “Just, you’re probably bored. And if we’re not doing something after class together, I just thought you might want to go home.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Harry muttered quickly, under his breath because the lecturer was beginning to talk.

“I have to go to work tomorrow night, and I’ve got that assignment I really need to finish.”

“Can I come over to help?” 

Louis blushed as people in front of them turned to glare, _shut up_ written all over their faces, and he shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll get anything done if you come over. I’ll call you tonight, alright? After I talk to Zayn.” 

Harry nodded again and muttered “Can’t wait” and kissed Louis quick and sudden on his lips. Louis just blinked after him as he rushed up the stairs and to the back door, still startled because he forgot for a moment that Harry was really his and he was really Harry’s and they could kiss in public whenever they wanted. When he turned back to the front, the lecturer was smirking directly at him, along with half of the class, and he sunk down into his chair, face a hot red.

 

“It feels like ages since I’ve seen you.” Zayn said when they were finally alone. A few of Zayn’s friends caught the same Tube as them, so it wasn’t until they got off at their stop that they could talk properly. 

“We saw each other just yesterday. Last night was the first night I’ve spent at Harry’s.” 

“Yeah, but it’s also the first night you’ve stayed somewhere other than home since we were in school, and even then it was because you were staying at mine instead of your Mum’s. It’s been weird not having you to myself.” Despite Zayn’s small smile, Louis liked to think his best mate was being serious. He knew Zayn cared a lot about him but it was still nice to hear it. 

“We had sex last night.” Louis said, and even when Zayn stopped walking he kept going. He couldn’t believe he’d just come out and said it, and _fuck_ did it make things more real. 

“You what?” Zayn yelled from somewhere behind him.

“You heard me.” Louis yelled back over his shoulder, refusing to turn around.

“You fucking stop right there, Louis Tomlinson!” Zayn growled, and that was something even Louis couldn’t say no to. He slowed his steps and turned around, and when it looked like Zayn wasn’t going anywhere Louis slowly approached him, dragging his shoes along the pavement. When Louis was close enough, Zayn reached out and grabbed his wrist to wrench him foreward. “I didn’t even know you were thinking about that! Why didn’t you tell me? We could have talked about it! Were you safe? Like, did you use condoms? Did you want to do it? Did he pressure you? How’s your ass?” 

“Zayn!” Louis snapped when the heat spreading over his skin was getting to be a bit too much. “Of course I’ve been thinking about it, I’m a gay boy and have you seen Harry? Of course I wanted to do it! And we didn’t plan it, it just happened. He sucked me off the other day, it was just the natural progression of our relationship.” 

“Natural progression? Relationship? You met him four days ago!”

“And I’ve known him for four years! I like him, be happy for me.” 

Zayn sighed and scratched at his stubble with his free hand. It seemed to help him realise that his other hand was still wrapped around Louis’ wrist, and he released it. “I am happy for you. Just surprised. It feels a bit like how it would if my sister started having sex. Naturally I wouldn’t like the guy, I know how guys think and stuff, you know?” 

“Except I’m a guy too, so I know just as much about how guys think as you do.” 

“Not as much, but you’re right. Sorry. Harry seems like a good guy.” Zayn admitted with another sigh. 

Louis began walking again, and Zayn caught up quick. “For your information, my ass is fine. Umm, nothing went in there.”

Zayn’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Harry was the bottom?” 

“Yes. Why does that surprise you?” 

“Don’t know really. Haven’t thought much about you having sex before.” Zayn frowned and Louis grinned. 

“You haven’t _much_? So you’ve thought about me having sex some?”

Zayn laughed and pushed at Louis’ shoulder. “Lay off it. I’ve wondered a few times when you were going to have it, but I haven’t thought about how and with who. And I guess I haven’t put all that much thought into gay sex either until lately.” 

“Cause of Liam?” 

“What? No! Why would you say that?” Zayn snapped and Louis raised an eyebrow. Then Zayn rolled his eyes and groaned “Fine. When I figured out that Liam liked me, it did make me think. Like, about what sex with a guy would be like. And handjobs and head would be alright, because its still a hand that isn’t yours and a mouth, right? But then, like, I wouldn’t just be able to do that with someone. So, when a relationship with a guy _naturally progressed_ , would I be the bottom or the top? Because Liam’s really big and muscular and I like that about him, and how he could push me around a bit, but it’s kind of weird to imagine sex without having my dick in something. As crass as that sounds.” Zayn added quickly, and Louis had to grin because Zayn was blushing. Only the lightest of pinks, but it was still a blush and Louis had never seen one on his best friend. “I can’t believe you’re smiling right now! I just told you all that shit and you look about ten seconds away from laughing. If you laugh I swear we are officially over and our wedding is off.”

“I’m sorry! It’s just weird to think you have insecurities.” Louis said through gritted teeth, honestly trying his hardest to stop smiling. “And to think that I might no longer be the only gay one in our relationship.” 

Zayn rolled his eyes. “I’m not saying I’m into Liam. I’ve just been thinking a bit about it. Wondering how it would work and stuff.”

“So are you saying you’re not into him?”

“No, I’m not saying that either. I still don’t know.” Zayn shrugged. “He’s a really good guy. Like, he’s nice and we have pretty interesting conversations. He’s interested in the shit I have to say, which is… I dunno. It feels good. He makes me feel good. But I’m just not sure if I’d be into sex with a guy.” 

“Would you consider trying it?” Louis asked as he pushed the door open to their building, finally close to home and his room and his laptop. Even though he’d only been gone a night, he really did miss it. 

“Yeah, I would. But then he might get his hopes up; think there’s going to be something between us. Which would suck for him if it turns out that I’m not into it and just want to be friends.” 

Louis pulled out the key to their flat from his wallet and opened the door. “I reckon you’d be into it, but maybe you could just tell him all that before? Like, warn him or something.” 

“Maybe. I just think it would be more hassle then its worth. Things with a girl would be a lot easier.” 

“Like that girl from class?” Louis asked, and watched Zayn settle down onto their couch. He grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge, like what Zayn always did for him when they spoke. 

Zayn took the offered bottle as he said “Not her. Turns out she’s quite annoying. Really self-absorbed, you know how I hate those people.” 

“Do you know who’s not self-absorbed? Liam. I heard he’s really nice.” 

Zayn laughed and took a sip. “There’s a lot of nice people in the world, Louis.”

“But no one as nice as Liam, _Zayn_.”

“Not even Harry?”

“Alright, maybe Harry.” Louis blushed.

Zayn turned on the TV and changed the channel until a cricket game came on. He muted it and asked “So it’s going well with him, I take it?” 

“Yeah, really well.” Louis grinned and took a sip of his own drink. “He’s just so sweet, it’s amazing. He just says lovely things all the time and I don’t really know how to react sometimes. And he’s just so good looking and he still likes me! And I know he does, there’s not even a doubt in my mind that he doesn’t. Which is strange, because you know I’ve always got about a million things I’m insecure about and I’ve never felt like anyone could love me before, but I think Harry really could. He’s just so honest about everything, except maybe not some things, but it’s good. He’s lovely.” Louis finished with a light blush, because Zayn was smiling fondly at him and he felt like a little kid trying to tell a grown-up about his new toy car and all the things it could do; why it’s so much better then all of the other toy cars. 

“He’s alright then?” Zayn laughed and Louis nodded. “I really am happy for you, Louis. A bit freaked out about how fast it’s going, but other than that I’m happy. And I know that you’ve been speaking for four years, and that you like to think you know everything about him. There’s just always things that people hide, especially from people they idolise, and Harry idolises you. There might be things he hasn’t told you because he doesn’t want you to think less of him. It takes time for people to get comfortable around each other, not just warm bubbly personalities. Just be aware of that before you start declaring your undying love.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Louis mumbled back with a roll of his eyes, because sometimes Zayn could just really kill the mood with his seriousness and good advice. “But it’s still early days, like you said. Why can’t it just be fun? Why have I got to start thinking about getting comfortable and secrets? And Harry’s honest; he says what he thinks.”

“About you, not about himself. But your right, I guess. Have fun and all that, just use condoms. I just get the feeling that he’s got something hidden beneath all that cheeriness I guess. No one can be that happy.” 

“Well maybe Harry can be. Maybe he _is_ that happy. And he makes me that happy, so you should be happy. Then when you’re happy you can make Liam happy, and we’ll just be one big group of happy.” 

“Alright, I get it.” Zayn laughed and took a long drink.

“I’m going to my room, yeah? I’ve got to check my Tumblr.” 

“I’m surprised you lasted this long.”

 

Louis tried really hard to find a nasty comment about the pizza boy story, one that was directed at _him_ rather then Harry, and he couldn’t find one. He deleted the messages hating on Harry, after making sure he wasn’t following the people that sent them, and answered the few nice ones that were to do with his writing in general or one of his older stories. 

He looked through Harry’s blog, skipping past all the reblogged photos and masterposts and cute quotes, until he found a chunk of answered anonymous asks. 

Filled with the same harsh words that he’d read that morning, to which Harry had simply replied “Thank you for reading” and “Louis really is amazing” and “I’m sorry you didn’t like it”. And it tore at Louis’ chest a bit, to see Harry being so nice to people that didn’t deserve it. 

So he found their story on Harry’s page and reblogged it again with the caption _I’m proud of this. It’s the first story I wrote with my boyfriend and it won’t be the last. If you don’t like it then I don’t really care, because I like Harry and I love this story and you can all get fucked._

And he watched and waited for whatever would happen next.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suuuuper sorry for the wait!!! Promise I'll update soon! 
> 
> Also this chapter is mainly Ziam but will go back to the larry stuff next time!! 
> 
> xoxoxoxoxxo

First, the post was liked by his closest online friends. 

Then, Louis started to lose followers. Only six at first, which was hardly anything compared to the ten thousand plus that he still had. 

Then the replies started, and the reblogs with captions, and Louis’ stomach was churning.

He immediately wanted to delete it. He had never said anything mean to anyone before, even when they’d said awful things, and now he was just telling them all to fuck off? 

One girl wrote _Get fucked? I don’t like your latest story, but I haven’t said a single thing about it. I like you and so I read it. Don’t expect me to read anything more of yours._ And it stung Louis because that’s what he was worried about, disappointing people that read all of his work, and he’d just done it. Not by writing a terrible story, either, but by isolating all of his readers and pushing them away from him to protect Harry. Who probably didn’t even need protecting; who’d seemed to have been handling himself okay with the hateful comments.

He deleted the post he made, and clicked on his inbox to read his new messages. 

Some were apologies, and some were hate-filled. But, surprisingly, most of them mentioned the word _boyfriend_. Congratulating him, asking him for pictures of the two of them together, wanting details about how they met. 

His phone buzzed from beside him, and Louis answered it without even bothering to check the Caller ID.

“Harry?”

“Louis! You called us boyfriends!” Harry squealed.

“Is that alright?”

“Of course it is! And you stood up for me too!” 

“Yeah. I just got mad at all the mean people.” 

“But how come you deleted it?” 

“Because I was mean to more than just them, wasn’t I? I should have worded it differently. I don’t like not being liked.”

“Yeah, I get that. I get that _a lot_.” There was a pause for a moment, and Louis was just about ready to fill the silence when Harry added “I’m getting a lot of asks about us now! What should I say?”

“Whatever you want, I don’t mind.” Louis replied as he refreshed his own inbox. “I’m getting a lot of questions about us too.”

“And I’m getting loads more followers! Geez Louis, how many do you have?”

“A lot. I think I’ll wake up tomorrow with a lot less, though. I pissed a few people off.”

“Sorry.” Harry said quickly, and Louis sighed. 

“Don’t say sorry, Harry. You mean a lot more to me. I’d happily lose them all if it meant I could keep you.” 

“Sorry. For saying sorry, I mean. You really would lose them all for me?”

“Of course. They’re just numbers on a screen. You’re real.” There was silence, and Louis asked “You okay?”

“You don’t mean that do you? About your followers?”

“Well, yeah. I guess.” Louis scrunched up his face in confusion, because Harry sounded hurt. And that didn’t make sense, when Louis had just admitted how much Harry meant to him.

“They’re not just numbers on a screen though. They’re all people.”

“Yeah, I know. But they don’t mean anything to me. Not like you do.” 

“But I didn’t always. I was just a number on your screen only last week.”

Louis’ eyes widened. _Oh_. “No you weren’t Harry. You’ve always been so much more than that.”

Harry sniffled and Louis couldn’t believe it; how quick Harry could go from elated to upset. “Okay. Sorry. I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay? After you’ve finished work?” 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll call you when I get home.” 

 

“What do you think is wrong with Harry?” Louis had asked, plonking down on the couch next to Zayn. He’d had a rough night’s sleep, wondering why Harry had got so upset. He knew what for, but he didn’t get _why_. Why was Harry’s identification as Louis’ Tumblr follower so important to him? And why did it even occur to Harry that he could have meant nothing to Louis only a few days ago? Surely it had been obvious that they were friends. 

Zayn frowned at Louis, then pushed himself up so he was sitting straight. “I didn’t realise anything was wrong with him.”

“But you were saying just yesterday there could be.”

“Yeah, but not that there was. I was just trying to say that I don’t know him, and neither do you, and maybe there’s stuff he’s hiding. Did something happen?” 

Louis shrugged and took the remote from Zayn, flicking through channels until a Friends rerun appeared on screen. “He just gets upset easily about Tumblr things.” 

“You do too, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but I get upset about a lot of things. Like talking to people and feeling ugly and worthless and stuff. Harry doesn’t. He just gets upset about Tumblr.” 

Zayn shrugged. “I’m sure there’s a lot more to it than that. He’s just better at hiding it then you are, I guess. And you can’t say that Harry doesn’t get upset about other stuff. He strikes me as the type that needs to be liked.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Louis nodded. 

 

As soon as he got home from work, he tumbled into bed and didn’t wake up until nine the next morning. He checked his phone as soon as he woke up and was surprised that he had no missed calls or texts from Harry, than grabbed his laptop from the side of his bed. 

People were still asking about Louis’ boyfriend, and when he opened Harry’s page it was covered in answered asks; all about him and Louis and their relationship. 

And Harry had answered them all truthfully, about how they met and when. Why Harry liked Louis and for how long. _I fell in love with him when I was fifteen_ Harry had wrote, and that had Louis picking up his phone.

 _Can you come over today?_ He texted.

 _I have Uni this morning, but I can afterwards._ Harry replied, so Louis answered him with a smiley face and some kisses and went back to perusing Harry’s page. 

 

Louis answered the door to a twitchy Harry at almost four in the afternoon. 

It was good that it was so late because he could finish off his assignment, but also bad because he hadn’t been able to stop himself from thinking about Harry. Wondering where he was and what he was doing and why he hadn’t texted or _anything_. They hadn’t gone this long without talking since they’d met. 

So Louis pulled Harry into a hug and felt the boy relax underneath his hands. 

“I’m sorry Louis.” Harry breathed out into his neck.

Louis pulled back, bringing Harry into the lounge room with him. “I really wish you’d stop saying sorry.”

“But I am sorry.” Harry said sincerely, wide eyed and frowning.

“What for?”

“For freaking out. Again.”

“Is that why you’ve been quiet?” Louis asked, and Harry nodded. “I thought you were mad at me. For saying the thing about Tumblr followers.”

“I was embarrassed. I thought you invited me over to break up with me, actually.” Harry chewed at his bottom lip.

“Because you got upset? Harry, I’m not going to break up with you because you have feelings. Why would you ever think that?” 

Harry just shrugged, and grinned so suddenly it made Louis literally take a step back. “I’m hungry. Do you want to go out for something to eat? Then maybe we could see a movie or something. We haven’t been out on a proper date yet, have we?” 

“Is that what you want to do?” 

Harry nodded quick and threw his long arms over Louis’ shoulders. “Or we could rent out some movies and watch them here? That would be fun too. We could get pizza from down the street, I walked past a nice place.” 

“DVDs would be fun.” Louis said into Harry’s chest, which was warm and firm and distracting. He couldn’t really think of being anywhere else at that moment. “We could snuggle together on the couch if we got some DVDs.” 

“Yeah, alright!” Harry said brightly releasing Louis from his grip.

Louis tugged Harry onto the couch and curled right up in his lap again. He shoved the remote into Harry’s hands and pushed his face against Harry’s chest, hands around his waist and thighs over Harry’s. He felt Harry’s throaty chuckle against his cheek and right here, like this, it felt like how it was supposed to. 

 

Zayn had walked through the door, and grinned when he saw Harry and Louis cuddled up on the couch together. 

“Hi!” someone said from the kitchen, and Zayn spun around to see Liam.

“Oh. Hey.” Zayn smiled back before opening up the fridge. “Beer?” 

“I’ll have one!” Louis called from the couch, just as Liam nodded. “Harry too!”

Zayn opened up a new six pack and gave Liam the beers to hand out, then dropped down onto the carpeted floor in front of the TV. “What are we watching?” 

“I don’t actually know. I haven’t been able to hear a single thing over these two.” Liam answered as he sat down beside him.

Zayn crinkled his nose and looked at the boys on the couch, whispering into each other’s ears. He could guess what about. “So what’s happening tonight? Are we going out? Is that why you're here?” 

“Can we?” Harry asked, suddenly sitting upright, holding Louis against his chest so the boy wouldn’t slip off. 

“I don't really know why Louis invited me over. And I’d like to go out.” Liam said to Zayn, and the three of them looked expectantly at Louis. 

Louis blushed pink at the attention. “This will be the third time in a week. And the third time in my life.”

“Is that a yes then?” Zayn asked with a grin, just as Harry said “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I’ll go. I think I want to.” Louis said, smiling wide at Harry and Zayn. 

“We’ll go after pizza. I’ll go order it now.” Harry pulled out his phone and pushed Louis gently off so he could go into the kitchen to make the call. 

“So where were you just now?” Liam asked, sipping from his beer. 

Which reminded Zayn that he had one in his own hand. He took a gulp and then said “At work.”

“Where at?” 

“The TopShop in Oxford Circus.” Zayn said, then turned to Louis. “Did you find out what was wrong?” 

“Umm, not really. But we’re fine.” Louis said quickly, eyes flitting between Zayn and Liam. “Everything’s sorted.”

Zayn couldn’t help but grimace, because Louis was an avoider and unless Harry suddenly said what was bothering him, Louis would never find out. He’d never ask about it, and it seemed like Harry would never just offer up the information. It wasn’t really any of Zayn’s business, but he could see the foundations of what Louis claimed to be a relationship already cracking. It was in his nature to want to help. 

“Do you like working there?” Liam asked, just as Harry walked back into the room, and Zayn looked to the boy beside him. 

“It’s alright. As long as I don’t get weekends, it’s not too bad. What do you do again?” Zayn took another mouthful, and watched Liam’s eyes track the movement of his throat. It’s something he liked about Liam, the way his attraction to Zayn was written all over his face. He’d lick his lips or flutter his eyelashes or start to stutter mid conversation whenever Zayn did something as simple as biting his bottom lip. It was nice. He was yet to speak to a girl who did that. 

“I work in a bar. Actually, that club we went to last weekend. Do you remember it?”

Zayn grinned. “I wasn’t _that_ drunk, so yeah I remember it. What’s that like?” 

“Alright.” Liam shrugged. “It’s mostly just nights so I get my days free.”

“How come you’re not working tonight?” 

“My boss is nice and has half the staff work Fridays and the other work Saturdays. Last week I got Saturday off, and this week I got Friday.”

Zayn nodded and took another sip, licking his lips after to watch Liam squirm. He’d stopped lying to himself that it was for any other reason. 

They hadn’t seen each other since they had drinks at the campus bar, when things had started off awkward and got easier. 

He’d enjoyed talking to Perrie, she was gorgeous and friendly and funny, and he was a little disappointed when he realised she wasn’t interested. 

But then he caught sight of Liam, of his small frown and flicking eyes and furrowed eyebrows, and it gutted Zayn to see how upset the boy was. All because Zayn had been flirting with a girl. 

So he was glad when Perrie moved so Liam could sit next to him; he _wanted_ to talk to him. To ask him about his day and the class he’d just been to, and it wasn’t long before Liam was returning the questions. And once Zayn had noticed the way Liam’s eyes tracked his every movement, he couldn’t help but encourage the looks. He took slower sips more often, spoke quieter so Liam had to lean closer, draped his arm along the back of Liam’s so his fingers occasionally brushed against the other boy’s neck. He watched Liam shiver, and he _wanted_. He wanted everything Liam would give him. 

 

“Is that where we want to go tonight?” Louis asked as he settled himself back into Harry’s lap. “Liam’s work?”

“Yeah.” Zayn answered quickly, and took a large swig of his beer when everyone stared at him. “I mean, I’m fine to go there if you all want to. I don’t mind.”

Liam shrugged. “I don’t mind either. I had fun last time.” Zayn looked at him quick enough to catch a blush tainting his cheeks. Like he was remembering exactly what Zayn was; Liam pulling him in close, his back against Liam’s chest, Liam’s hands pressed to his thighs. 

“Is that where you want to go?” Harry asked Louis, who nodded. 

“We could go somewhere that’s not a gay club if Zayn wants.” Louis suggested with a half-hearted shrug and a small smile. Like he was waiting for Zayn to take the bait. 

“I’m happy going where everyone wants to go. If you all want to go to a different bar, I’m fine with that too.” Zayn rolled his eyes.

Louis pouted. “Alright, we’ll go to Liam’s work.” 

 

It wasn’t any less busy on a Friday night. They were all substantially drunker this time around, having gone through all the beers in the fridge between them, and Liam and Zayn had to practically carry Harry in. He was doing quite well for someone that could barely walk properly when sober. 

“Shots!” Louis shrieked, and Harry cackled his loud laugh. The one that made it hard to resist joining in. 

“Let’s dance first, yeah? I don’t think we need anything else to drink just yet.” Liam suggested, hands on his hips, Harry heavy against his shoulder. 

“I’ll go get some water.” Zayn added, and started pulling Harry towards an empty booth. Louis wriggled his way across the seat, and Harry crawled onto it beside him. “Did you want anything?” He asked Liam.

Who shook his head and said “I’ll come with you.”

Zayn watched Liam talk to the men across the bar as he waited for a jug of water, but because the bartender was chatting so animatedly with Liam, he wasn’t making any moves to get it. He watched Liam laugh, eyes crinkling halfway shut and cheeks rounding out beautifully, and he felt the smallest twinge of jealousy. 

“Can I get you something, love?” someone whispered into his ear, and Zayn pulled back quickly to look at the man. 

“No, I’m fine mate. Just waiting on some water.” Zayn said politely, trying not to react to the hand that was insistent against his back. 

“You don’t want something stronger?” 

Zayn shook his head and gripped onto Liam’s forearm where it was resting on the bar top. “Could you bring the water back with you? I’m going to go sit with Louis. Make sure they don’t run off.”

Liam grinned back and nodded, turning back to his friend across the bar. And Zayn squeezed his way out, swerving between the clammy mass of people to sit in the booth with Harry and Louis, who were making out furiously across from him. Harry was sitting on Louis’ lap, the table digging into his back, with Louis’ hands gripping his hair tight. It looked painful, but the good kind of pain. The kind Zayn wouldn’t mind receiving from a pair of rough hands like Liam’s.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, looking up to meet Liam’s inquisitive stare. The boy grinned back and pushed in next to Zayn, silent until he’d poured out four glasses of water. 

“How long were you watching them for?” Liam asked, lips against Zayn’s ear. 

Zayn felt himself heat up, embarrassment and something else making his heart race. “I wasn’t. I didn’t know I was.”

“It’s alright. They look good together. It’s hot, isn’t it?” 

Zayn nodded slowly, but didn’t say anything; too embarrassed to admit why he found it hot, who he was picturing in their places. Instead, he picked up a cup of water and swallowed half of it down. He felt the coolness of sobriety creeping closer to his consciousness, and muttered something about getting another drink. Liam moved to let Zayn pass, but continued to follow him to the bar. So when they got there, Liam had his mate’s attention immediately and ordered two rum and cokes, ignoring Zayn’s insistences to pay. 

“You want to dance yet?” Liam yelled over the music, and Zayn nodded because why the fuck not. If he was going to try something with Liam, this was probably the best place to do it. When he was drunk and had the alcohol to blame, when he was surrounded by guys all kissing and grinding against each other. 

So Zayn followed Liam to where everyone else was dancing, swaying and watching as he sipped his drink through the straw. 

Liam chugged his drink straight from the glass, leaving it on the closest table when he’d finished it, and joined the beat of the moving masses. It wasn’t long before someone fit themselves against Liam’s back, gripping onto his shoulder with one hand and his hip with the other. And Liam leant back into the touch, eyes remaining on Zayn’s. Liam lifted his hand to tug the guy’s head down, dropping his mouth open when the other man’s lips sucked along his neck. And that was it. 

Zayn was done watching. 

In two steps he was flush against Liam; chests pressed, Zayn’s thigh slipping between Liam’s. He slid his hands around Liam’s waist, pushing the guy that was behind him away, and lay a hand firmly against Liam’s back, dangerously low, fingers dipping between his chinos and his underwear. Liam’s arms wrapped around his neck, and all Zayn could hear was Liam’s breathing mingling with his own. He couldn’t hear the music playing or the people around them. 

It was nothing but a relief when Liam finally pushed Zayn’s face to his, lips crashing rough and painful. Just how Zayn wanted it. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry SORRYYYYY for this chapter!! But things have to get sadder before they get better!!
> 
> (And also its quite short but I figured that would be okay because its been like two days since I updated???) 
> 
> Anyway thanks for the comments lovelies y'all are beautiful! And remember you can come say hi to me on Tumblr!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Louis woke when something loud crashed just outside his bedroom door, but he wasn’t quite ready to open his eyes to find out what it was. He groaned and shut his eyes tighter and rolled over, reaching out to grip onto Harry. But Harry wasn’t there. Nothing was there. 

“Harry?” he yelled out, and was startled by the sound of his own voice. It rung in his ears and made his head pound. “Fuck, I think I’m hungover!” 

“Coming!” Harry yelled from somewhere, and Louis groaned louder. Maybe Zayn would hear him and take pity. 

There was another loud crash and something fell hard onto Louis’ legs.

“Shit, sorry! I tripped on something. Your shoes, it looks like.” Harry climbed into his spot beside Louis and tugged him close. “Did I wake you?” 

“Maybe.” Louis grunted. Harry sounded way too chipper. “What was that noise?” 

“I accidently broke the shower head but I fixed it again so it’s okay.” 

“Mmm.” Louis muttered, and rolled in to press his nose to Harry’s chest. “Is that what sex smells like?” 

He felt Harry laugh against his cheek. “Yeah. I was going to take a shower but then I got scared of breaking it again. You’ll have to turn it on for me.” 

“I’ll turn _you_ on.” 

“Are you still drunk Louis? It’s eight so you really shouldn’t be. We had our last drink at maybe 2? I can’t remember all that much.” 

“Shush. Please.” Louis reached up to pat Harry on the face, and he may or may not have fallen asleep with his hand still covering Harry’s lips. 

 

The second time he woke up, Louis felt like his head was going to roll right off. 

“Get me off this boat.” He murmured, and heard someone laugh from beside him. He peered out from beneath his eyelids and caught Harry just watching him, big grin splitting his face. He looked lit up by the sun while Louis struggled to get out of the shadows. “I feel seasick. Get me a bucket.” 

“Shit.” Harry laughed, but this was not a time for laughing. 

Louis rolled out of bed and onto the floor, making his head spin more. He was crawling in the direction of the bathroom when he felt hands on his bare skin. 

“Zayn and Liam are out there and you’ve got no clothes on!” 

“I don’t care. I need the toilet.” Louis groaned, arching his back into Harry’s hands and whining “Help me!”

Harry laughed again and slid his hands underneath Louis’ arms, pulling him up and taking his weight. Louis watched with squinted eyes Harry peeking out into the hallway, looking both ways, then dragging him to the bathroom. He gently released Louis in front of the toilet, and Louis immediately dropped his forehead to rest on the seat. 

“This is disgusting. Someone’s ass has been on here and I don’t even care. Why do I drink? Why does anybody drink? Why are you so fine?”

“I didn’t drink anything when we were out, but you wanted to have shots and cocktails and things so I got you them. I shouldn’t have though, sorry.”

Louis groaned and his stomach rolled. “Don’t apologise.” 

“So-“ Louis heard before he upchucked into the toilet bowl. 

 

Two litres of water later, Louis was feeling almost normal. 

“Sorry, you shouldn’t have had to see that.” Louis said, clinging on to his newly filled water bottle. They were back on Louis’ bed, hair damp from the shower they’d shared. 

“It’s alright, I used to do it for my Mum all the time.” 

Louis opened his eyes to look at Harry; watching his lashes flutter against his cheeks, his bare chest rise and fall slowly, his hair wild and wet and fanned out across the pillow. He would have looked perfect if his jaw wasn’t set so hard and the corners of his mouth weren’t tugging down. “How come?” 

“Hmm?”

“How come you used to do it for your Mum all the time? Was she sick a lot?” 

When Harry’s eyes opened, they looked a little glassy, and Louis thought that he might finally get an answer out of Harry. His stomach swooped and he could swear he heard his heart beat in his ears, but then Harry’s teeth were flashing bright beneath his smiling lips and Louis was flooded with relief. “No, nothing like that. She’s good. Great, actually. How’s your Mum?”

“Good.” Louis murmured through bitten red lips. Because he’d got nervous when he thought Harry was going to tell him something sad, and relieved when Harry pulled his mask back on, and that wasn’t how it was meant to be. Louis was meant to truly want Harry happy, not feel content with Harry pretending he was. “But I want to hear about your Mum.”

Harry’s face dropped immediately, forehead creasing and mouth turning downwards and eyes scrunching shut. “I’m sorry.” 

Louis slid one hand between Harry’s and the other along his jaw. “Don’t be sorry, please? You don’t need to feel sorry.” 

Harry shook his head, and gripped Louis’ hand when it was dislodged from his chin. He opened his eyes, glassy and green, and sucked his lip into his mouth. “I’m meant to be happy for you. I’ve always got to be happy. And when I’m not I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t –“ Louis was interrupted by lips against his, Harry hovering over him so his hair was falling against his cheek. They were hard pressure, pushing flesh back into teeth, but Louis let it happen because he could taste Harry’s unshed tears; like this is what Harry needed. 

Except then Harry started crawling down Louis’ body, pressing wet kisses into his neck and chest and abdomen. 

“Harry?” Louis asked in a broken voice.

And Harry looked up at him from beneath his messy hair, eyes still glassy and grin still manic. “I’m going to make you happy, alright?” 

Louis shook his head and pushed himself up and away from Harry’s lips that were making their way down further. “You’re scaring me.” 

Harry’s expression was heartbreaking. Like someone had punched through his chest and tore out his heart and it was Louis that had done it. 

So he crawled closer to Harry and pulled him close to his chest and whispered reassurances into his ear. “You don’t have to tell me, I’m sorry. I’m happy. I promise you make me happy” he muttered, and continued to until he felt Harry nod into his neck. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Harry said into his skin, and Louis gripped on tighter. 

“I know. You didn’t. I just don’t want you to be sad. But you can be, Harry. I won’t leave you because you’re sad. You don’t always have to be happy. I promise. You’re allowed to be sad.”

“Are you sad?” 

“Sometimes I am.” Louis felt Harry’s fingertips dig in to his spine and he added “But not because of you. Since we’ve met I’ve been happier, I really have been. But I do get sad, and it’s never your fault.” 

Louis pulled back to look at Harry, and the boy smiled small. “I get sad too. And it hurts sometimes.” 

“You can tell me when you’re sad, you know? You don’t need to be scared of how I’ll react.” 

Harry nodded and wiped at his eyes, dry as they were. Despite everything, he hadn’t cried. “I think Liam wants to go now. He’s got to work tonight.” 

Louis pulled on some sweatpants and a shirt while Harry gathered his things that were lying around the room; putting his phone in his jeans pocket and tugging his shoes on. “I’ll go tell him you’re ready to go.” Louis murmured, and got a nod for a reply. 

 

“I need your help again.” Louis said as soon as he shut the door behind Harry. They kissed quick on the lips while Liam and Zayn hugged awkwardly, and it all felt too quiet now. 

Zayn nodded and pulled Louis to the couch. “I need your help too.” 

“Oh. Really?”

Zayn smiled and said “You first.” 

So Louis spilled it all out, everything that had gone on in the last hour or so. When Harry had a small breakdown and Louis had to reassure him with easy promises. And afterwards, Zayn blew out a breath. 

“So what do you want my help with?” 

Louis shrugged. “Can you explain it to me?” 

“Shit. Seriously?” Zayn asked and Louis nodded. “Well he obviously has it in his head that he’s always got to be happy. And it upsets him when he’s not. Like, the fact that he’s upset just upsets him more? I don’t know.”

“What about the thing with his Mum?” 

“I think the bigger problem is the sadness thing, to be honest. That’s what’s affecting your relationship at the moment. That’s what you need to try to find out more about. Like why he thinks that way and how to get him to stop.” 

“Can you ask Liam?” 

Zayn sighed. Then wacked Louis on the back of the head with a throw cushion. “No, you idiot! You need to find out yourself from Harry. Leave me and Liam out of it. Unless you need to talk, obviously. Then come to me.” 

“Right. Your turn.” Louis shuffled on the couch so he was sitting on his own legs, ass resting on his feet. “What do you need to ask me?” 

“Me and Liam did stuff last night.” Zayn said, and Louis raised an eyebrow. “We blew each other.”

“How am I meant to help you with this exactly?”

“He kind of fingered me at the same time. Which was really good. He knew what he was doing, that’s for sure.” Zayn blushed and Louis grinned. 

“Still not hearing a question.”

“Right. Well, like, I didn’t finger him and he didn’t ask for it or whatever. So I’m wondering, does that mean I’m the bottom now? Because I had something up my ass and he didn’t?” 

Louis couldn’t help it really; he burst into laughter. Zayn’s face was just so sincere, and he’d never said something so ridiculous before. “Zayn!” Louis got out between breaths, and was pushed into another round of giggles when he got a pillow to the head again. “I can’t believe you just asked that!”

“Fuck off Louis.” Zayn grunted, cheeks tinged pink.

“It doesn’t work like that! I don’t think so, anyway. I haven’t come across anything like that with Harry. Or with the smut I’ve read.” Louis added with a grimace. 

“So what are you saying?” 

“All guys have a prostate, don’t they? So fingers hitting the right place will feel good for anyone. And there doesn’t have to be a ‘bottom’ and a ‘top’ in a relationship. You can switch it up if you want.” 

“Is that what you and Harry do? Switch it up?” 

Louis blushed and shook his head. “I’ve only been the top so far. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try being the bottom!” 

Zayn nodded thoughtfully, chewing his bottom lip and furrowing his brow. “So, I could still be the top?” 

And Louis just rolled his eyes and sighed. _Straight guys_.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry it took me so long to update!!! Thanks for those that Tumblred me, sometimes I really need that push!! 
> 
> Soooo there's bottom Louis in this at the very end, just a head's up. Also, please keep in mind that I'm not much of a smut writer and this is more of a story then a smutfest and when I do write sex stuff its sort of meant to be a bit silly because that's the general gist of the story. Sooo if it's not hot sex, sorryyyy!!! 
> 
> Love you all! xoxoxoxoxox

It was decided: Louis was going to have a go at bottoming. 

After his chat with Zayn, Louis went onto his laptop to research. By reading some smut. 

He figured that the prep was important but didn’t particularly take very long. It was just three fingers, one after the other, and then the cock. Sometimes there wasn’t even any prep, but that seemed to be for more experienced guys. 

The prostate was the key to getting off, and that was usually found by just crooking a finger. By the sounds of it, hitting the prostate felt so good that you could come just from that, with nothing even touching your dick. 

Lying on your back with a pillow underneath your hips seemed to be the best way to bottom, according to a lot of the fic, but Harry seemed to like being on his hands and knees. That’s the only way they’d done it so far, anyway. That was something he’d have to ask Harry about. 

Louis didn’t want to rely on Harry too much for information, because every question he had to ask would just be another reminder that he’d been a virgin up until a few days ago. It would be like flashing _virgin ass right here_ signs constantly during, and that was just embarrassing. 

Even if ‘tight virgin asses’ were a thing for a lot of people, Harry might not like that. He wrote some pretty dirty stuff, but never _virgin_ stuff, so Louis could only assume Harry was turned on by experience. He’d been nice during their first time, teaching Louis what to do and where to put his fingers, but sex shouldn’t always be about _him_. 

Maybe Harry’s niceties during sex was just a part of his problem, his needing to please people, and Louis wanted to please Harry too. Louis wanted sex to be about the both of them, and it couldn’t be when Harry was so intent on making everything right for Louis. 

So, after hours of reading all of Harry’s smut, Louis came to one conclusion: Harry really liked dirty talk. His bottoms were always noisy, with loud moans and _fuck me harder_ s while the tops fed off it, encouraging louder groans and begging. It’s what Louis had seen a lot of in porn, too, so it only made sense for that to be what Harry would want. 

It worried Louis a little, that he and Harry hadn’t been like that when he was topping; that Harry hadn’t been begging and moaning, and he hadn’t been pushy and demanding, so what if Harry hadn’t actually enjoyed it? What if Louis was just terrible at sex but Harry was too scared to say anything? Sure, Harry had come, but he would have to be comparing Louis to his past sex partners and Louis didn’t want to be the _worst_. 

And as nervous as Louis was about it, he was also excited to try out all the things he’d read about. He was ready to give Harry the best sex of his life. 

 

Louis had work the following morning, just a short shift, and texted Harry to say he was coming over straight after. He’d packed clothes to wear to Uni the following day into a small rucksack, along with lube and condoms just in case Harry didn’t have any. Which was unlikely considering he’d looked stocked up just a few days earlier, but Louis knew you could never be too careful. 

It wasn’t until he was knocking on Harry’s front door that he realised he hadn’t got a reply; that maybe Harry would be busy or not even home or simply just not want Louis over. So he dropped his hand away and was about to turn around when he heard a muffled “Hang on” from behind the door. 

When it was finally opened, Liam was standing in front of him with flushed cheeks and a heaving breath. 

“Sorry, I was asleep.” He muttered, opening the door wide and stepping aside to let Louis in. 

“Sorry that I woke you up. And I don’t know if Harry actually knows I’m here. I told him I was going to head over after work but he didn’t reply so I’m not even sure if he wants me here.” Louis admitted at such a fast pace that Liam was squinting back at him. 

He was pouting, brows furrowed, when he finally replied “Of course he’d want you here. Why wouldn’t he?” like Louis was the stupidest person on earth. 

Louis shrugged, blushing a light pink, and Liam just sighed. 

“He should be home in a bit, he’s just gone to grab a few things for dinner. Sit down if you like.” 

Louis nodded and made his way to the couch and Liam sat right down beside him. 

“How’s Zayn?”

“Good. I think he was doing an assignment or something today.” Louis replied, watching Liam’s face for any signs. Of what, he wasn’t sure, but he thought Liam’s face looked like the readable type. 

“Yeah, he said that. I just, you know, wasn’t sure if he was lying?” Liam admitted, sounding a little embarrassed. 

Louis shook his head. “He wouldn’t lie. He can sometimes hide the truth and it might take you a little while to figure out how he thinks, but he doesn’t tell lies.” 

“Oh. That’s good to know, I guess.” 

“He’s scared of being the bottom.” The words spilt out of Louis’ mouth before he could stop them, and when he realised they were out he just sat there, eyes wide and back stiff and hands clenching into fists against his knees. “Shit.” 

Liam just frowned and asked “What?” 

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.” 

“Why is Zayn scared of bottoming?” 

“He thinks it makes him the girl. Or something, I don’t know, he didn’t say that but I think that’s what it is.” Louis stupidly said, and Liam’s frown deepened. 

“How would it make him the girl? He’d still have a dick, wouldn’t he? You don’t just lose yours when you get one inside you.”

“I know! And he knows that too, I think. Shit, I shouldn’t have said anything. That’s probably not even what he thinks. Just forget it, okay?” Louis was practically begging now because Liam still looked the same amount of confused and annoyed. “It’s just not what he’s used to.”

“I know that I’m his first guy that he’s ever done anything with, but if thinks that taking a cock up your ass makes you any less of a man then I’m not sure I can be with him.” 

“I don’t think he thinks that! I don’t know!” Louis said quickly, because Liam was just growing redder. He was quite obviously mad and Louis didn’t know what else to do so he said “I’m going to ask Harry to fuck me tonight.”

Which made Liam’s jaw drop and his eyes blink slow. “What?” 

“I’m going to ask Harry to put his cock in my ass.” 

“Oh.” And now Liam was reddening for a whole different reason. “Is – umm – will Harry be your first?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh.” Liam crossed his legs and shoved his hands between his knees and just sat huddled in on himself, looking so awkward that Louis felt a bit sorry for him. 

“I just thought you should know in case you, like, hear loud noises and stuff. I don’t want you to think someone’s being killed in there when it’s just –“

“I get it. I’ll try to make some other plans.” Liam muttered. 

“Zayn might be free tonight.” 

“I’ll ask. Thanks for the warning, I guess.” 

“That’s all right. And really, you should talk to Zayn about sex and what you like because I think he’s just confused.” 

Liam nodded, short and sharp, and Louis thought _This is why I only have one friend_. Then he asked “What did Zayn say exactly?” and Louis had to bite his tongue to stop himself admitting everything. 

He shook his head and said “I’m not going to say because I’ll just fuck it up” and felt proud of himself for leaving it at that. 

As tempted as Louis was, he wasn’t going to ask Liam about Harry’s need to please. Zayn had got angry at the very idea of it, and he could see why. In the last few minutes, Louis had tried to help Liam and Zayn but could have just ruined everything, and he didn’t want Liam to do the same for him and Harry. All it took was a few wrong word choices and personal opinions on an issue that wasn’t his own for things to be ruined. Not that Zayn and Liam were ruined. He hoped, anyway. 

Liam smiled small and muttered “Alright. I just don’t really get him. It’s kind of hard to deal with because I just like him so much.” 

Louis nodded, biting down harder on his tongue. He wanted to make Liam feel better, tell him that Zayn really did like him back, but any attempts he made would probably make everything worse. 

Liam must have taken that as encouragement to continue, though, because he just kept talking. “He’s just so beautiful and kind and he just looks at you with so much understanding that it makes it hard to think that maybe he doesn’t actually know everything. It just makes me think that he knows exactly how he feels and he’s just stringing me along because he can.”

“But Zayn’s not like that!” Louis said with a tight frown. “We’ve been best friends for practically our whole lives and I know that that’s not the sort of person he is. He just doesn’t know the effect he has on people, which is why you’ve got to tell him. It might make things easier for him if he knows you don’t just like him sexually.” 

Liam had his mouth open, just about to respond, when the door banged open and a flushed Harry came rushing in. 

“Sorry, I just read your text!” he said, dropping the grocery bags on the floor so he could get his hands on Louis’ cheeks to kiss him. He only stopped when Liam cleared his throat. “I’ve got to put away some things. Come help?” 

Louis nodded and let himself be pulled up by Harry, though ended up steadying the taller boy because he was tripping over his own feet in his haste to get to the kitchen.

“I just got some things to make dinner tonight, like pasta and chicken. And milk and cereal for breakfast. And some wine too!”

Louis was grinning already. It was hard not to when Harry was like this, all waving hands and quick words. His cheeks and lips and the tip of his nose were still a dark pink from the cold of outside, and Louis couldn’t help but lean up to kiss him quick on the cheek. 

It made Harry stop for a moment to look down at Louis, smile playing on his lips. “What was that for?” 

“I just wanted to.” Louis said with a sly grin and a small shrug. 

“Oh.” Harry smiled back, and Louis watched him slow his movements. Instead of ripping bags apart to get at the groceries, he started pulling the items out one by one. Louis packed the cold things in the fridge while Harry packed the cans and jars into the pantry. 

“What should we do before we have to make dinner?” Louis asked. 

Harry chewed on his lip for a moment, eyebrows furrowed in thought, before his face absolutely lit up. “Could we write something?” 

“Yeah, if you want.” Louis said with a shrug, and Harry was grabbing onto his hand and pulling him into his room. 

“I’ve been getting so many asks about us writing together again! And lots and lots about our relationship but I don’t answer too many of those because they can get a bit weird.” Harry added, eyebrows furrowing together and Louis just wanted to smooth his forehead out. 

“How are they weird?” 

“Just lots of sex questions, really.” Harry shrugged, settling onto his desk so Louis could have the chair. “I’ve got a few ideas for this one.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m thinking we should write a thing about Danny and Luke on their Uni swimming team and they are both really competitive and want to be on the top of the ladder and so they’re both always training whenever they get a free moment because they want to beat the other one. But they are always at the pool together and they ignore each other until one day something happens and they end up banging! I was thinking maybe you would come up with a good idea for the thing that happens that gets them to bang.” 

“Yeah, alright!” Louis said with a little grin, because that idea didn’t sound half bad. “Maybe one of them could bump their head against the wall when they’re doing a turn at the end of the pool and get knocked out so the other one has to save them.” 

“Yeah, okay! That could make things more romantic and stuff, eventually.” 

“Exactly! So, Luke could get knocked out and Danny could save him and resuscitate him-“

“And he gets a boner because they’re kind of kissing!” 

Louis cringed. “Umm, maybe not. It might be a bit weird because Luke is unconscious.” 

“Oh, right. Forgot about that bit.” Harry rubbed his neck and looked all kinds of sheepish. “What if Luke wakes up and just instinctively kisses Danny when their lips are together? And Danny kisses him too until they realise what they’re doing and stop.” 

“Yeah, that’s more like it. I’m going to start writing all this out before we forget it.” 

“Alright!” Harry replied, but Louis was already typing out a plan. “I think the ultimate show of their love should happen at the end of a swimming tournament, where one of them lets the other one win. Maybe Danny wants to be an Olympic swimmer and has always wanted to be, but Luke just does it because he’s good at it and likes to win. So in the final race, when Luke realises that he’s going to win, he slows down so that Danny can beat him. I think that’s how it should end, instead of with sex.”

Louis looked up at Harry, grinning wide and flushed with pride because Harry was kind of a genius in his own way. “That’s brilliant Harry!” 

Harry shrugged small and kicked his legs out from underneath the desk. “You came up with it too.” 

“I didn’t though. I didn’t really come up with any of the story line, it was all you. Are you sure you want my help with this? This could be all your story.” 

“I want it to be something you write though! I don’t think I should write anything because I’m not very good.” Harry admitted, and Louis frowned but before he could say anything Harry was adding “I don’t particularly want to write, I just want to watch you write. I’d rather be giving you ideas.” 

“Like my inspiration?” 

“Yeah! I’d like to be your muse. That would be cool. I’d like to help you with this like how you helped me.” 

“With what?” Louis asked, and watched as Harry licked his lips. 

He pulled his green beanie off and ruffled his hair, closing his eyes and sighing. “Do you really want me to tell you things?” 

“Yeah, I really do.” 

“Even if they’re a bit sad?” 

“Especially if they’re sad. I’d like to know so I can help you feel better.” 

“Alright.” Harry sighed out again, then his eyes opened and flicked over to his bed. “Can we cuddle?” 

Louis nodded with a gentle smile, and collapsed into the bed beside Harry. He snuggled up against his chest and gripped a hand between his own. “What would you like to tell me?” 

“Do you remember when you first started to write, and I would like and reblog all your things?” 

“Of course I do.”

“I really liked you because you would describe how I was feeling so well. Sometimes, I didn’t even know that I was feeling them until I read your descriptions of sadness and loneliness and I knew that’s what it was. What I was feeling about being gay in a school that wasn’t very kind to people like me. Boys would call me names and beat me up, but it wasn’t so bad because I could come home and talk to you. I didn’t have someone to watch out for me like you did, but I did have you and that made things better. So when I say that you helped me, or that I’ve loved you for years, I just want you to know that I really truly mean it because for a long time you were all I had.” 

Harry was looking down at Louis now, eyes flicking over his face to catch every little change, every quirk of the lips or twinge of his cheeks or crinkle in his forehead, and Louis hoped his sadness for Harry wasn’t showing. Or if it was, that it wouldn’t be misread as pity. “How come you never told me? When we spoke all those times, and you told me all those things about your school and your friends, how come you never mentioned that?” 

“I didn’t want you to think I was a loser. I didn’t want all our conversations to become about me and how I was doing and whether I’d been beaten too badly that day. You were my escape, and I was scared to mix my real life and the one I had with you together.” 

“Is that why you always get upset when I ask you what’s wrong?” 

“Not exactly, and I know I owe you an explanation but that’s going to be a bit harder for me to get out. It just sort of hit me last night that you are my real life now, and I shouldn’t be so scared of showing you those other sides to me. But I am, and I’m trying not to be but it might take a little while for me to be able to tell you everything.”

Louis brought Harry’s shaking hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. “I’ll wait. You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to, but just know that I’ll listen.” Harry nodded before resting his head against Louis’ and sliding a leg to hook their ankles together. “Harry?” The boy blinked down at him, simply raising an eyebrow in question, so Louis said “Thank you for telling me, and I’m sorry you didn’t have a Zayn.” 

“A Zayn?” Harry asked, face scrunching up in obvious confusion that left Louis feeling the same. 

“Someone to look out for you at school. Isn’t that what you meant when you said you didn’t have someone like I did?” 

Harry chewed at his lip and looked away again. “No, not really.” He clenched his fist minutely, Louis could feel it between his fingers, before shifting lower in the bed so his face was beside Louis’ instead of above it. “I’m still working myself up to tell you about my Mum.” 

When Harry kissed him, it was only a light press of lips against his jaw. It was nothing like the other times when Harry had thought he revealed too much, when he’d grappled onto Louis’ clothing and his kisses were full of fear. This time, it felt right. It felt like a _thank you for listening_ instead of a _sorry you heard that_ , so Louis turned his face so Harry’s lips could connect with his own. 

Their kiss stayed slow and calculated, tongues tasting with gentle licks, teeth grazing against lips, and if Harry could sense Louis’ nerves he wasn’t showing it. 

Louis pulled back long enough to get their shirts off, and when they kissed again it was faster and a whole lot less gentle. Harry’s hands were pressing hard into his back, roaming across bare skin, while Louis tangled his fingers around Harry’s curls. But he realised that he was on top, lying flush against Harry’s chest, and that wasn’t where he was meant to be. 

He slowly pulled back to lay his head on the pillow, careful not to disconnect their lips, encouraging Harry to follow after him. 

Harry was now on top, elbows digging into the mattress beside Louis’ pecs, hands squashed beneath Louis’ shoulder blades, and hips rolling down just right. 

When Louis bucked up into Harry, the other boy gasped and Louis breathed “I want you to fuck me” into Harry’s collarbones. Despite his groan, Harry was pulling up and away, creating a small gap between their bodies that Louis was trying to close. 

With Louis’ lips pressing small kisses up his neck, Harry gasped out “Are you sure?” 

“Yes. I’ve been thinking about it all day. I want you to do it _now_.” Louis bucked his hips up again and Harry was done for. 

He was pushing himself up to remove his jeans and climbed off the bed to shuffle through his draw. Louis pulled off his own trousers as he watched, eyeing Harry’s tented briefs with nothing but pure exhilaration.

Louis was pulling off his own underwear when Harry was finally on the bed again, canting his hips up. He had his legs spread wide, feet resting against the mattress so his knees were bent. His stomach muscles were tensing, trying to hold his ass in that position, but the way Harry’s eyes were roaming all over him was worth the effort. 

“You’ll need to roll over.” Harry said, and Louis looked up at him with a frown. “If you’re too tense it’s going to hurt.” 

Louis nodded, small frown still in place, and he lay down on his stomach. His cock was pressed between the bedding and his stomach and the friction was dry and uncomfortable. He was relieved when Harry wrapped his hands around his thighs, pulling his ass up so that he was resting on his knees. 

“You’re really, really sure?” 

“Yes.” Louis begged, Harry’s fingers digging into the backs of his thighs. “Please, Harry.” 

There was the sound of the lube bottle opening, and Louis clenched his eyes shut when he heard some squirting free. He was excited, all worked up and so turned on he could hardly think clearly, but he was still nervous. 

Harry coated his entrance in lube before slowly pushing his fingertip in. It wasn’t so bad. It didn’t hurt at all, actually, so when Harry asked “Is this okay?” Louis could answer truthfully with a “Yes”. 

The finger slid in deeper, and Louis could now feel the pull. His ass was clenching around it, and Louis began to wonder how it was physically possible that anything bigger could fit. He felt another fingertip at his rim and he began to panic. “Wait!” 

“I am, it’s okay.” Harry hushed him, free hand caressing his hips in small, soothing circles. “I won’t add another one just yet.” 

Louis breathed in deep and tried to relax, focusing on the hand against his skin rather then the finger inside him. It was moving slowly, pressing against him, crooking downwards and Louis waited for that feeling, the one he’d read all about and was desperate for but it wasn’t happening. 

_What if Louis didn’t even have a prostate?_ What if Louis couldn’t come from just this? Would Harry still want him? Would he ever be able to please Harry like how Harry pleased him?

“Yes.” Louis groaned, because there it was. There was that feeling that he’d read all about and it was so much better then fireworks and warmth and chocolate and all of that other stuff that he’d seen it described as. And it was happening again and again, until Harry’s finger shifted and he lost the spot. “More.” 

“Another one?” Harry asked, voice strained and breath hitching.

“Yes, more. Two more, I don’t care.” Louis begged, and Harry actually laughed at that. He was too far gone to feel embarrassed. 

Especially when a second finger was pushing in beside the first, stretching Louis wider and dragging against his skin. There was a burning pain before Harry was hitting that spot again, and Louis was pushing back into the feeling. He was letting out ragged breaths and gasps, moaning loud and long, and it wasn’t even because that’s what he thought Harry liked. It genuinely was that _good_. 

“Another?” Harry asked, and Louis nodded his head quick; he was gritting his teeth too hard together to be able to get any decipherable words out. 

The third was somehow less painful then the second, like instead of just opening up to the intrusion, his body was coaxing it in. It wasn’t long before Louis was begging for Harry. 

His fingers were out for too long as Harry rolled on a condom and covered his cock in lube. Louis turned his head around to watch, and his eyes widened at how much bigger Harry looked when he was fully hard. When the tip was nudging at his entrance, Louis put his forehead back on the pillow and breathed in deep. 

It was completely different to fingers. It was so much harder and bigger and more insistent, and a hell of a whole lot better. 

Harry was slow at first, pushing in gently until all of him was in. When Louis nodded, he began to rock in and out, short and shallow, and Louis’ head rolled back because there it was again, over and over. 

“Faster.” Louis croaked out, and Harry complied. He gripped on to Louis’ hips and pulled out and pushed in, thrusts speeding up and rocking Louis forward. 

Louis was releasing little sharp breaths between moans, and Harry was groaning from deep down in his throat, and for a split second Louis hoped that Liam had gone out. Then Harry’s hand was reaching around to take his cock messily with just the right amount of pressure. It took a few more thrusts before Louis was coming into Harry’s fingers, clenching his ass around Harry’s cock and bringing the younger boy closer to the brink. 

“Fuck Harry you feel so good.” He moaned, and when Harry’s breath hitched and his thrusts became sporadic Louis clenched his ass and Harry came with a guttural shout. 

He collapsed on top of Louis, rolling quickly off when Louis’ breath came out in a whoosh, muttering apologies. 

When Louis had the strength, he lifted himself enough to rest his head on Harry’s sweaty chest, arm resting over his torso. 

“Holy fuck.” Harry muttered, and Louis looked up at him with a small smirk. 

“I know.” 

“You really haven’t done that before?” 

“No, I just have a good teacher.” Louis poked Harry in the ribs, then added “Besides, I read gay smut. I know what I’m doing.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry that I've been slack with this lately!!! 
> 
> I'm going to try my hardest to add another little bit tomorrow because the day after that I'm moving overseas and I have no idea when I'll be able to update next!!! It might be straight away or it might be ages later, it depends on how busy I am and whether I get access to the internet. 
> 
> So sorry in advance!!
> 
> xoxoxoxoxo

Louis felt like jelly; he didn’t want to ever move again. 

They’d laid there on Harry’s bed after, resting but not quite able to sleep; his body was exhausted but his mind just wasn’t ready for it. Plus, Louis was so hungry that his stomach was rumbling audibly. He hadn’t had much for lunch and it was going on seven now. 

“Do you still want to make dinner tonight? I can if you like.” Louis hinted, and Harry smiled his lazy smile. 

“Yeah, I still want to make it. I was thinking of just doing carbonara, that’s easy enough.” 

“Sounds perfect.” Louis grinned back, and Harry untangled their legs so he could climb out of bed. 

“Do you want to stay in here? I can bring you dinner in bed if you like; I don’t mind.” 

“I’ll meet you out there. I might just have a shower first or something.” 

Harry nodded, and started looking on the floor around him. “Have you seen my pants?” But before Louis could say anything, Harry was shouting “Got them!” and picking them up off the floor. “You know where the towels are, yeah?” 

Louis smiled warmly, though couldn’t answer just yet because Harry was pulling on his pants and it shouldn’t have been sexy but it really was. His stomach muscles and thighs and biceps were all tensing, and his hair was messy and falling into his face, and Louis shivered because he had just had _that_ inside him. When Harry finally looked up at him, teeth worrying his bottom lip, Louis squawked out a “Yeah.” And Harry’s frown turned into a grin that Louis felt against his cheek when Harry leant down to kiss him. 

“Don’t be too long or it’ll be cold by the time you’re out.” 

“I’ll be quick.” Louis promised, and Harry finally left him. 

He’d been lying on his stomach the whole time, arm thrown over Harry’s chest when his boyfriend had been in the bed beside him, but now that he had to get up he was thinking about how his ass must feel. He was expecting it to be dreadful, so he rolled slowly and carefully onto his back but he felt – only a tiny ache? 

He was expecting something much worse – like he was being rammed with a fire poker, maybe – but instead it was just a slight burn. A bruise, even. It was an enjoyable kind of pain, too; one he couldn’t ignore but didn’t really want to. 

Louis pushed himself all the way off Harry’s bed and stumbled on his feet for a few steps, gaining balance and waking his limbs. His thighs ached a little, like he’d just been doing squats, and his knees felt rubbed dry. A part from that, he was fine. Better then fine, really; amazing. He’d just been fucked, and it was incredible, and Harry had thought so too. 

He peered out from the doorway before leaving Harry’s room, making sure that Liam wasn’t still lurking around and might catch sight of Louis stark naked, and then rushed out into the hallway to get to the bathroom. While saying he was going to shower had just been a ruse to get out of bed and test the pain without Harry around, he was rather excited to get underneath some warm water. He was sticky with sweat and his own come, and the lube that was still in his ass felt tacky and gross. So he turned on the shower and waited it to heat up before he stepped under the spray. 

For a household of only two boys, Harry and Liam had a lot of products. They had four different shampoos and three kinds of body wash, and an endless supply of face washes. Bloody hell, how many exfoliants did a person need? He thought Zayn was bad enough with his different hair gels and waxes and sprays, but this was a whole new level of self-care. Still, Louis was intrigued. He opened each bottle to smell them, and used the coconut-passionfruit scented body wash. It tingled his skin, and once it was washed off Louis couldn’t stop touching his chest and arms; they felt that soft. It prompted him to try out the face products too, and then he was washing his hair even though he’d just washed it the night before. 

He was lathering it in, humming under his breath, when the shower curtain was ripped back to reveal a grinning Harry. Louis just stood and stared back, wide eyed in shock and guilt. These products were probably expensive, and here Louis was testing out almost all of them. 

“I thought you might have tripped in here or something. I should have known you’d get into Liam’s stuff, they’re very tempting.” Harry said, and slowly his grin was dropping into a frown. “Dinner’s ready, but fuck it.” 

And Harry was wrenching down his pants and climbing into the shower too, crowding Louis up against the tiled wall so the water rushed down his back. 

“You smell amazing.” Harry muttered into Louis’ ear, voice low and rumbly and dripping from those lips Louis wanted to taste so bad. “Is the factory period over?” 

That made Louis frown. “What factory period?” 

And Harry’s skin reddened. “You know, the thing where you can’t get it up for ages. After you’ve had sex?” 

“The refractory period? It differs between people.” Louis said, matter of fact. But then he realised what Harry was getting at, and he felt himself grow hot all over. “Are you… do you want to go again?” 

“Yeah. I _really_ want to go again.” Harry said, slow and sultry. 

And then Louis felt his cock twitch and that familiar heat pooling below his stomach and he was nodding quick. “It’s over. Definitely over.” 

Harry’s lips were on him, on his neck just below his jaw, and Louis was throwing his head back to grant Harry more access of his skin. He could feel Harrys tongue, strong and insistent and travelling down his throat, until it was licking at his collarbone. Then his lips wrapped around it and sucked and Louis groaned loud because he was _definitely_ ready to go again. 

But when he pushed at Harry, just a little so that he could get under the water too, the boy slipped and fell back onto his ass with an _oomph_. Louis was down on the ground immediately, sitting on Harry’s thighs because the shower was so cramped. “Sorry, are you okay?” 

And Harry grinned. “Yeah, ‘m fine. Just a slippery floor, obviously. Because of the soaps and shampoos and things. And the water.” If it was anyone else talking, Louis would have immediately thought _concussion_. But it was Harry, so he lent down to kiss him. On his cheek and neck and nose, then sucked and licked at some of the water that was dripping down his neck, then finally attacked Harry’s lips. 

He swallowed his groans and ground his ass down into Harry’s lap, lifting himself up and rutting back down until Harry was moaning out a string of _fuck_ s. Louis could feel Harry’s cock slip-sliding between his ass cheeks, rubbing at his rim but not quite entering his body. It was good, but not quite enough to get himself off. 

So he fisted his cock and jacked quick, traction eased by the warm water that was making everything so much better. Then Harry pushed Louis’ hand away and replaced it with his own, moving it quicker than Louis ever could. He was swiping at the slit with his thumb and Harry’s cock head was catching at his rim and just the way Harry looked, water dripping down his hair and into his face, tongue licking out to catch drops of it on his lips, eyes closed tight and chest heaving and the vein on his neck pulsing; they all had Louis coming hard into Harry’s hand, shooting ropes of it onto his own stomach. 

Then Harry’s hand was moving around to grab his own cock, tugging furiously until he was coming with a strained grunt, thrusting up against Louis’ ass to ride out the aftershocks. 

Once he’d got over his orgasm, Louis’ guilt kicked in and he turned off the water. 

Harry blinked away the water and finally looked up at Louis, then burst into laughter. Louis, after getting over his initial feeling of shock, twisted Harry’s nipple. 

“Ow!” Harry managed to get out between his giggles, but he wasn’t stopping so Louis did it again. 

“Quit laughing!” 

“I’m sorry, but your hair! It’s still soapy!” 

And Louis reached up to touch his hair and found that it was indeed still covered in foamy shampoo. “How the fuck did that happen?” 

Louis said it to himself, but Harry still chose to answer. “Your head didn’t go into the water at all, I was getting the brunt of it. I couldn’t even open my eyes, it was pounding down on my face.” 

“I felt it on my head when I was kissing you though.” Louis frowned, then reached around to feel the back of his head, which was completely free of soap. “Oh.” 

Harry just grinned until Louis stood up and held his hand out for Harry to pull himself up. “You wash that out and I’ll go heat up dinner.” 

Louis nodded and turned the water on cold, so that it hit Harry and he was jumping out of the shower quick as a flash. 

“Hey!” Harry groaned, but Louis just grinned.

“That’s what you get for laughing at me.” Louis said with a laugh, and Harry smiled wide and toothy. 

“Don’t take too long. And use the conditioner in the orange bottle, it’s amazing.” 

 

When Louis finally stepped out of the shower, he looked in the cupboard where the towels were usually kept but it was completely empty except for a few wash cloths. 

He poked his head out of the door and yelled out for Harry.

“I’ve got them all out here!” Harry yelled back, and Louis watched as the boy waved a towel at him. “Come and get it!” 

“I’m not going out there this naked! And I’m all wet!” Louis shrieked, and Harry laughed loud. 

“Why not? No one’s here except us.” 

“Are your curtains closed? Is it cold out there? These are the things I’m thinking about Harry.” 

It just made Harry laugh harder, bending down so his hands were resting against his knees and his head was practically between his thighs. 

“Harry!” Louis whined, but his boyfriend just shook his head. “Fine!” he snapped, and grabbed a wash cloth to cover himself up. Then he made the long and perilous trip down the hallway, smirking because Harry didn’t look so pleased with himself anymore. Except then, when he actually looked at Harry instead of the towel he was holding in his hands, he realised that Harry was just as starkers as himself. “Were you just cooking naked?” 

And Harry was back to smirking. “I wasn’t cooking, I was just heating what I’d already cooked up.”

“I am _not_ going to eat naked, if that’s what you had in mind.” 

“Why not? Naked is my favourite state of being. I think you should just try it, for me?” And Harry was doing these stupid slow blinky Bambi eyes that Louis couldn’t say no to. 

“Fine.” He muttered. 

“Are you going to remove your wash cloth, or will you fashion it into some kind of tarzan thingy.” 

“A loin cloth? I suppose I could do that, hey?” Louis asked with a little smirk, but dropped the cloth when Harry frowned. Just doing that, removing that tiny bit of covering, felt uncomfortable. “Ugh, this is weird.” But he felt a bit better when Harry started eyeing him off. 

“You’ll get used to it. Or if you really don’t like it, you can put clothes on. And I can too, if you like, it’s just-“

“No, don’t get dressed!” Louis interrupted, sounding all kinds of desperate. 

“It’s just,” he repeated with a grin. “I really like being naked. That’s something you didn’t know about me, and now you do. Liam gets mad about it and I’m not allowed to sit on anything if I’m totally nude, so usually I just wear my pants. But, Liam isn’t here, so I just thought why not, you know? Do you have something I don’t know about?”

“Well, I’m really hungry.” Louis said with a little smile, and Harry smirked and shook his head and headed back into the kitchen to grab their food. When he came back and set them on the table, Louis said “I really like football. I’m a big fan of it, but no one would ever know because they assume that because I’m the nerdy intellectual type I don’t like sports. Which is sort of true, I don’t like all sports, just football.” 

“Are you any good at it?” 

“I never played in any teams so I don’t know.” Louis replied, and picked up a fork to take a mouthful of pasta. It was a little cold still, but it was delicious. “It’s good, Haz. Umm, but yeah, me and Zayn kick a ball around when the day is nice enough. He says I’m not bad, but I’ve never exactly played a game of it.” 

“Maybe sometime soon Niall and Liam could come over and you four could play? I’d have to sit out, obviously.” 

Louis shook his head and said “You’d have to play! I’d love to play football with you.”

And Harry just raised his eyebrow and took another bite of pasta. “Have you not caught on to how clumsy I am? Like, the only way I could possibly kick the ball is if I accidently tripped over it and my legs came flying out from beneath me and the foot got the ball.”

Louis pouted. “But I’m eating dinner naked for you.”

“That you are.” Harry’s eyes roamed down Louis’ chest and it made the older boy blush. “I’ll play football with you, then.” 

“Alright. Tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, if Liam and Zayn and Niall are free. Maybe we could have some practice after dinner? Liam should have a football in his room somewhere. He hates the sport, but his Dad is into it and has been giving him a football every Christmas for the last four years.” 

“Really?” Louis asked, face and voice and _everything_ lighting up. 

Harry grinned. “Only if we’ll play naked.” 

Louis rolled his eyes and sighed out a “Fine. You win some, you lose some.” But the way Harry’s eyes were gleaming and his cheeks were a heated pink and his lips were a swollen red made Louis think that maybe, with Harry, it was impossible to lose.

\--

Zayn had only just finished up his assignment and uploaded it online when he got a text from Liam. It said _Louis and Harry are going at it, can I come around?_. Well, that was the general gist of it; there were a lot more misspelt words and emoticons that wouldn’t show up on Zayn’s Samsung phone. 

So he texted back a _Yeah_ and then a _Bring a six pack, we’re almost out of beer_ , and settled himself in front of the telly and flicked through the channels. 

By the time Zayn actually found something that was half worth watching, there was a knock at his door and he felt a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. Which was weird, because Zayn didn’t get nervous, except he wasn’t surprised he was nervous about Liam coming over. 

They hadn’t been completely alone before, not since their date at the football game. Even the other night, when they’d got each other off, Zayn was comforted by the fact that Louis and Harry were just in the other room. He didn’t like to think about it too much in case he got an image of what they might be doing in his mind, but Louis was close and a part of him needed that. 

He opened the door, freaking out on the inside but remaining stoic in his expression, even when Liam hugged him tight. Zayn patted his back, feeling nothing but hard muscle under his fingers, and stepped back to get some air. 

“I brought beer.” Liam said with a grin, and Zayn took it from him. He immediately opened it up and grabbed bottles before cramming the rest into the fridge. “I won’t have one just yet.” Liam said just after Zayn closed the fridge door, so the boy just raised his eyebrow until Liam took the bottle. 

“So how was work last night?” Zayn took a sip of his drink, watching Liam from beneath his eyelashes at how he reddened and looked away. 

“Umm, it was alright. A few handsy customers, and I spilt a lot on my new shoes, but other than that it was fine. The usual, I guess.” 

“Handsy customers?” Zayn asked, and tried to ignore the burning in his chest and behind his eyes that could only be jealousy. 

“Yeah, just guys that want my number.” Liam said with his shrug, then their eyes met and Liam suddenly smiled. “And guys that want to touch my ass or ones that beg for my cock. You know, the usual.” 

Zayn’s fingers gripped tighter around his bottle, but he knew what Liam was doing so he just shrugged and tried to keep his expression neutral. He told himself he was just being protective and asked “That’s sexual harassment, isn’t it?”

“I suppose, but people do things when they’re drunk that they normally wouldn’t do. I can handle the occasional gropers, it’s just a part of the job. Just, they can’t handle me.” Then Liam burst into laughter and Zayn tilted his head in confusion.

“What’s so funny?” 

“Handle, and gropers. Like gropers are handsy but they can’t handle me. ”

Zayn pushed at Liam, shaking his head because he was sort of dating an idiot. Or were they not dating? He hadn’t quite figured that out; maybe they were just fucking. But, without the actual sex. “What did you want to do tonight, then?” 

Liam nodded over to the couch and sat down on it after Zayn. “I don’t know, just watch telly I guess. Have you got any plans for tonight?” 

“Nah, I was just going to stay in. Order some food, watch a movie, that’s about it.” 

“I’m up for that.” Liam shrugged, then his face turned red and he added “Is that alright? Sorry, I kind of just invited myself over.” 

“That’s fine, I’m glad you’re over. I usually do this with Louis but he’s been quite busy lately.” Zayn added with a roll of his eyes, then felt a little guilty because he must look like some jealous best friend. Which he kind of was. 

“Yeah, the two of them are pretty obsessed with each other, aren’t they? Even when Harry’s not with Louis, he still talks about him all the time.” 

“I kind of… I know this sounds really bad, but I’ve just always expected to have Louis there. I mean, I’ve always dropped everything for Louis and I guess I sort of thought he’d do the same for me if he ever found someone. Except he’s not, he’s actually a lot happier with Harry then I ever have been with someone that’s not Louis. And like, I’m not saying I’m in love with him or anything, because I’m not. I just sort of… thought our friendship would mean the same to him as it does to me.” 

Zayn felt Liam’s hand on his knee and he looked down at it before looking back up to the boy beside him. “I know what you’re saying, but I don’t think that Louis loves you any less then how much you love him. You’re both just different people, and everyone feels things differently and shows their feelings in different ways. Just because he’s stopped spending so much time with you, doesn’t mean he’s forgotten about you.” 

“But like, I used to send girls home to keep Louis company! And, I mean, he didn’t ask me to but I still did it.”

“Was it completely for him?” 

Zayn chewed his lip and sighed because Liam was clearly some kind of genius when it came to this emotional shit. “It was at first, like in High School and stuff because I felt bad that he was always by himself and that I was his only friend. Then I realised when we moved to London that he was happy to sit on his computer and blog all night while I was out drinking and hooking up with random girls, but I still told myself that he needed my company when maybe, like, I dunno. I guess I needed him more.”

Liam’s hand squeezed his knee again, and said “That sounds a lot like you were in love with him.” 

And Zayn actually laughed at that, shaking his head no. “I wasn’t. I’m not. Like, I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with him, which I know sounds a lot like proper love, but I’ve never thought about fucking him. Not like I have about you, anyway.” Then Zayn realised what he’d said, what had just slipped out of his mouth, and his eyes widened with shock.

But Liam’s expression didn’t change, except for the slightest upturning of his lips, and then he was suddenly grinning. “Good, I was getting worried. My sort of boyfriend is in love with my best friend’s boyfriend. Could you imagine?” 

Zayn laughed and shook his head, but his face was dropping and Liam’s hand on his knee was moving higher up his leg. “So, are we boyfriends then?” 

“I’d like to be.” 

“I’d… I don’t know. I mean, what do we have to do?” 

“We don’t have to do anything. Just, I don’t want to see anyone but you and I don’t want you to see anyone but me. That’s all, really.” 

“But what about the sex stuff?” Zayn finally looked up from his entwined fingers to take in Liam’s unsure smile. 

“If you’re not comfortable with anything, we won’t do it. It’s just, I’m not comfortable with being the bottom. I just can’t do it. But if you can’t either, I’m sure we could work something out.”

“Yeah, alright. I think that’s… good. I mean, I don’t know if I’d like to be the bottom. I’ve only ever fucked girls, and your finger felt good in my ass but I don’t know if anything more would. I guess… yeah. We’ll work something out.” Zayn stuttered out, feeling himself heat up afterwards because he’d never been embarrassed talking about sex before but this all just felt so awkward.

But Liam’s hand moved back down to his knee and he patted it before taking it completely away. “I get it, Zayn. It’ll come to us.” Then Liam sat back against the couch and turned to face the telly, and Zayn tried to do the same but he couldn’t take his eyes away from his brand new boyfriend. From his perfect jaw and his thick neck and his wide shoulders, down to his ridiculous abs and his muscular thighs and the hands that were resting on his own knees. 

His fingers were long and thick and just looking at them had Zayn heating up. If they weren’t so bad inside him, good even, then surely a cock would be too. Without thinking, he picked up Liam’s hand and entwined his own fingers through Liam’s and lay their hands back down on his thigh. He looked up to see Liam’s lips quirk up into a smile that had his eyes crinkling, and Zayn thought that they were going to be fine. They’ll work something out.


	14. Chapter 14

When Louis woke, he practically had to peel himself off of Harry. They were sticky with sweat and their skin had been pressed so tightly together as they slept that even their pores were clinging to each other. Louis’ face crinkled up in disgust, but then he just had to look up at Harry and his frown fell away. 

Harry’s eyelashes were fluttering against his cheeks as he slept and his mouth hung wide open. One hand was lying against his chest while is other was pressed against Louis’ lower back, squeezing him to his side. He looked so peaceful and his skin smelt musky, like exercise and hard labour even though the only remotely strenuous activity they got up to before they fell asleep was some naked football in the halls. 

The thought had Louis flushing, blood running down south to fill his cock. With a muffled yelp he wriggled his hips away from Harry, not wanting the other boy to wake with Louis’ hardened flesh pressing up against him, but when he did Harry rolled on his side to cling to Louis tighter. 

His cock was pressed between their sticky stomachs and Louis willed it to go away. 

“Whazzit?” Harry’s muffled voice sounded and Louis’ eyes shot up, but his boyfriend’s were still tightly shut. 

“What?” 

“Whatchadoing?” 

“I- I need to pee.” 

“Nooooo.” Harry groaned, and held Louis impossibly tighter. It meant Harry brushed up against Louis’ hard on, and Louis had to bite back his whimper. Except it was too late, really, because Harry was peeling his eyes open to peer down between them. “Oh.” He grumbled, smile spreading sleepily over his face. “That’s nice.” 

“Sorry.” Louis squeaked, and Harry blinked his eyes fully awake. The greenness of them just about took Louis’ breath away. 

Harry frowned. “Why?” 

“It just sort of happened and it won’t go away.” 

“I can take care of it for you.”

Louis blinked. “Really?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I? What’s the matter Louis?” 

“Nothing’s the matter.” 

“What are you worried about then?” Harry asked desperately, like he was working himself up too. Shit, Louis really didn’t want that. 

“I don’t know.”

“But you said sorry, why would you be sorry?” 

“It’s, umm. I guess I’m embarrassed?” 

Harry’s brow somehow crinkled further and his mouth twisted to the side. “Why are you embarrassed though? I’ve seen it lots. I like it. I want it to happen.” 

“Can you let go of me please?”

Harry had been squeezing Louis’ hip tightly before he asked it, fingers digging in so hard they were bruising his skin. “Why? Did I do something wrong?” 

Just like that, Harry was blinking back tears and Louis was crawling onto his chest to comfort him. “Of course you didn’t. It’s just hot and we’re sticky and I need to breathe. I’m okay now, see?” 

As Louis’ face pulled into a semblance of his grin, Harry nodded and his grip on Louis eased. “Sorry. For overreacting.” 

“It’s okay. I did too.”

Harry nodded and his fingers found Louis’ fringe, playing with the hair that was falling between them. “Why are you embarrassed about being hard?” 

Louis blushed under Harry’s intense gaze and he dropped his head against his chest. “I guess I just wasn’t sure if I was allowed to.”

“To what? Wake up beside your boyfriend with a stiffy?”

Harry’s words were blunt, but his expression was inquisitive so Louis shrugged. “It sounds stupid when you say it like that. But I guess, yeah, that’s it. I still don’t know what I’m doing, really.” His voice came out muffled, lips pressed against Harry’s skin. 

“You’re allowed to do anything you want, Louis. I like it when you take charge. Remember when we were at that pub and you were wiggling around in my lap and teasing me? I liked that, how confident you were. You can do whatever you want to me and I’m sure I’ll like it. You can tell me what you like, too, and I won’t laugh. What made you hard just now?” 

Louis felt his face heat up but he looked into Harry’s eyes anyway. “Your smell. And thinking about how we played naked football last night.” 

Harry grinned. “Yeah?” 

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” Louis groaned and pinched at Harry’s nipple, making him wince. 

“I’m not laughing! It was pretty hot. How sweaty we got, and when you tackled me. We got so hot, didn’t we? We were practically sliding against each other.” 

Louis twisted Harry’s nipple again and he gasped. “Stop it, I’m trying to make it go away!” 

“Why don’t you come? I can help you. What would you like?” 

Harry was pushing himself up onto his elbows now, peering down Louis’ body to try to get a look at where his hips were still on the bed, purposefully not touching Harry. Louis pushed himself up and off of Harry altogether so he could look at all of his boyfriend’s flushed skin. “I want to suck you off.” 

That had Harry’s eyes snapping back to meet Louis’. “Really?” 

“Yeah, I haven’t done it yet. I’ve been thinking about it and I want to try it.” Louis’ fingers were twisting together, the only sign that he was nervous. His gaze was levelled and his voice was clear, but his hands were shaking. 

“You do?” 

Louis rolled his eyes and shoved at Harry’s thigh. “Yes, I want to. Just, you’ll have to tell me how.”

Harry grinned and sat up further. “Want me to show you how?” 

“No, just tell me. I want to do it first.” It was obvious that the idea pleased Harry when his hand immediately grasped his cock, but Louis pushed it away and replaced it with his own. “I’m doing it, okay?” he asked sternly, and Harry nodded quick. “Lie back. Please.” 

Harry was shuffling back along the bed so only his head was propped up by the headboard. “Like this? So I can still see?” 

“Yeah” Louis breathed out, voice straining because Harry was just so long absolutely everywhere. There was so much skin to touch and taste and it was getting hard to breathe. 

Harry was fidgeting under Louis’ gaze, squeezing the sheet between his palms and pulling his legs up so his feet were flat against the mattress. “Umm, do you need some directions?” 

“No.” Louis smirked, and Harry grinned back at him. 

Until Louis was pushing his knees apart to rest between his thighs; then Harry’s jaw was dropping open. “You- you’ve got – “

But Harry never did finish, because when Louis’ lips wrapped around his cock head Harry swallowed his words with an audible gulp. 

Louis stayed like that, holding only Harry’s tip in his mouth and testing the feel of it with his tongue. He ran it underneath and along the slit and swirled it around the head until Harry was gasping out breaths. He slid down further along Harry’s length, tracing his tongue along the ridges, tightening his lips against Harry’s skin. He hollowed his cheeks until he could feel nothing but Harry in his mouth, and began to suck. 

“Fucking hell.” Harry groaned, fist tightening in Louis’ hair. It was getting long, long enough for Harry to grab handfuls of it and tug, and Louis sucked in his pained gasp. “Shit, shit, _fuck_.” 

Louis tried to swallow Harry down further; tried to relax his throat and breathe through his nose so he wouldn’t choke. He was only half way down when it came to be too much, when his throat tightened and tears sprung out of his eyes and he had to pull back. 

He heard Harry’s sigh and immediately wrapped his hand around the base, pumping slowly until his throat was relaxed enough to take more. But he wanted to try something first.

He hollowed his cheeks again, sucking lightly before puffing out his cheeks and hollowing them again so his wet mouth undulated around Harry, going from tight squeezes to the barest brush of lips. 

“Fucking fuck, what are you doing?” Harry gasped, and Louis tried to smirk but it was a bit hard with a mouthful of cock. Instead Louis started moving his hand again, pumping in time with his sucks and blows. As Harry’s breath grew more ragged, Louis’ speed rose. “L-Louis? I’m gonna come, fuck. I’m gonna really soon.” 

Louis hummed in approval, but still wasn’t ready for it when Harry’s cock hardened just that little bit more and it started to pulse out warmth onto his tongue. But Louis sucked and sucked until Harry squeaked, then pulled off with a wet smack. 

He grinned up at Harry, who looked utterly wrecked; hair a sweaty mess as if he had been the one to have hands grabbing at it, cheeks a deep cherry red, chest rapidly rising and falling with each loud breath. “Christ Louis, I haven’t come that quick since I was in school.” 

“I did good then?” Louis asked, sounding innocent but his smirk gave him away.

“Fucking hell yes. I’ve never even felt that before. What were you doing?” 

Louis shrugged and crawled up to plant a kiss on Harry’s bright red nose. He dropped down beside Harry and took his own hard cock between his fingers. “Something I read in a fic once. I wanted to try it out.”

Louis watched as Harry’s eyes dropped downwards, gaze trained on Louis’ hands. “Can I try it?” 

“Yeah. Fuck, yes please.” Louis moaned into Harry’s jaw, and the younger boy started pushing himself down the bed. 

“The teacher has become the student.” Harry joked as he fitted himself between Louis’ thighs, fingers tracing along the V of his pelvic bone. 

Louis rolled his eyes, and when he was certain his breath wasn’t going to shake uncontrollably he said “Get sucking, Styles.” 

Which had Harry grinning. “Right away, sir.” 

 

When Louis got home after Uni, the place was empty. Which was odd, because Zayn was always home at this time on a Monday. It was their martial arts movie night, and neither of them had ever missed one. Until the week before, when Louis had been with Harry. He needed to talk to Zayn too, wanted to tell him about his morning and what happened with him and Harry. Before the blow jobs, when they’d both got awkward and scared about offending the other. But, like always, Harry had made Louis feel better, which in turn relaxed Harry. Louis was hoping Zayn had some ideas about why.

Louis dropped his wallet and sunglasses onto the kitchen bench before pulling a glass out from the cupboard and filling it with water from the tap. As he was swallowing a mouthful down, he heard a thump coming from somewhere down the hall. 

Louis eyes widened and he put the glass down on the bench, listening carefully. He heard some voices, and without thought was creeping towards the noise. 

He stopped outside Zayn’s door and pressed his ear to it, grinning when he heard laughter. He was pushing open the door and yelling out his greeting before he noticed a whole lot of bare skin and his hand was covering his eyes. “Shit, sorry” he grumbled from behind his palm. 

“It’s cool, hang on.” Zayn grunted, and Louis heard the sound of sheets rustling and movement on the bed. When it fell silent again, Zayn said “We’re decent.” 

Louis peered out from between his fingers and saw Liam first, sitting at the end of the bed with only boxer briefs on and a small frown. Zayn looked a lot less annoyed, offering up a smile that still appeared somewhere strained. “It’s karate night.” Louis said to explain his intrusion, and Zayn smiled properly this time. 

“Oh right, yeah!” Zayn stood up and grabbed his sweatpants from the floor. “Have you eaten?” 

“Nah, I was going to just cook up one of those frozen Tesco’s pizzas. Sound alright?” 

Liam cleared his throat and Louis looked to him for a moment, but his eyes flitted back to Zayn when his friend said “Sounds good, yeah. You go heat up the oven and I’ll be out in a sec.” 

Louis nodded and eyed Liam again before closing the door behind him. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Liam was angry. Which he didn’t, Louis supposed, know any better. They could very well have been in a fight before Louis came into the room, albeit a humour-filled and naked one. 

As he unwrapped the pizza and stuck it on a tray, Zayn finally came out of his room with Liam following close behind him. 

“It’s cool if Liam stays, yeah?” 

Louis blinked. “It’s karate movie night.” 

“Yeah, it – uh – it is.” Zayn stuttered, looking back at Liam. 

“And we haven’t had a night together in ages.” 

“Umm, yeah. That’s true.”

“Seriously?” Liam scoffed, and Louis looked at him properly. He was most definitely angry. “Fine, yeah, I’ll go.” He grunted with a roll of his eyes. 

“Is that alright?” Zayn asked him, and Liam scoffed again. 

“I don’t know Zayn, is that what _you_ want?” he asked pointedly, and Louis could only frown in confusion. But he didn’t say anything, he knew better then to get himself involved in other people’s arguments. 

“Well, I haven’t hung out with Louis for a while.” 

“Alright, fine.” Liam snapped, kissing Zayn hard and quick on the mouth and stomping his way to the front door. In seconds, it was slammed closed and Louis was left blinking. 

“What was that about?” 

Zayn smiled a strained smile and shrugged. “I don’t know. Want to put that in?” he asked, nodding his head to the pizza still in Louis’ hands. 

“Yeah, of course. I was hoping we could talk about some things.”

“Harry?” Zayn asked, voice gruff and sounding a little off. 

“Yeah, he was weird again this morning. Only for a little while, so I think he’s getting better.” Louis started, and when Zayn finally gave him a proper smile, even if it was a small one, he started to tell Zayn everything about their morning. 

By the time he was done talking, the oven’s bell was ringing and Louis turned to get it out. As he cut it up, he asked “Is it bad that he hasn’t told me what’s wrong yet?”

“No, I don’t think so. It hasn’t been all that long since the two of you have been together has it? Since you’ve met and stuff?” 

Zayn grabbed some beer out of the fridge and Louis put their slices onto plates. He headed out to the couch and Zayn followed close behind. “Guess not. It just makes me think he’s not comfortable telling me. He doesn’t trust me or something.” 

“He’s just not ready. I don’t think it’s about you, Louis.” 

“I suppose.”

There was silence while Zayn put in a DVD and before he pressed play, he asked “Do you think you’re spending too much time with him?” 

Louis looked to Zayn, but Zayn’s eyes were fixed firmly on the screen, jaw tensed. “Do _you_ think that?” 

“Maybe. I mean, it’s been what? Two, three weeks? And you’ve already done so much. You don’t want to rush yourselves, or exhaust your relationship before it’s properly begun.” 

“Exhaust?” 

“Yeah, you know, do everything you can early so there’s nothing more to do or learn in the future? Maybe it’s good that he’s holding out on telling you about his past. He’s leaving something for later.” 

“I guess.” Louis muttered, because he hadn’t really thought of it like that. He thought it was a great sign that they’d seen most of each other already, that they’d spent hardly any time apart. Maybe Zayn was right though. Maybe they were rushing things too much so that there would be nothing left to discover later on. “I’m meant to see him tomorrow after his class. Should I cancel?” 

Zayn shrugged, nonchalant. “If you want. Maybe just tell him you’re busy with something else? Have you written anything lately?”

“No, I haven’t actually!” Louis brightened. “There’s something I want to write for Harry too, this thing he suggested? I could do that and then see him after it’s finished. Or at the football game on Saturday, whichever is first.” 

“Football game?” 

“Yeah, we were thinking if the weather is good enough we could all go down to the park and play some football. Niall, too. Apparently he’s there good mate but we’ve only met him once or twice.” 

“Oh, alright. Sounds good. Liam’s coming too, yeah?” 

“I guess. Harry said he really doesn’t like football but he probably will if you’re playing.” Louis grinned, and watched as Zayn did the same. “What’s happening with the two of you?” 

“I think we’re boyfriends now.”

“Don’t you know?” 

“I mean, we talked about it last night and we were. But like, I don’t know about now. He left in a strop.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe just tired?” 

Zayn smiled small and shook his head. “Maybe. Let’s play this movie then, yeah?” 

Louis grinned. “Yeah.”

 

Louis did what Zayn suggested and cancelled on Harry, telling him that when they did see each other, it would be more exciting. But it had been hard with Harry calling every day, desperate to know why. Louis had told him his reason, about how he didn’t want to _exhaust_ them like Zayn said, and Harry thought that was stupid. He went with it because it was what Louis wanted, but when Zayn and Louis showed up at Harry’s on the Saturday morning before the game, Harry had grabbed Louis’ hand and dragged him off to his room. He’d pushed Louis onto his bed and wasted no time, licking into his mouth and sucking at his skin and taking Louis’ cock in his hand. 

“Fucking hell, it’s been four days Harry.” Louis gasped, and hoped it didn’t come across as a complaint. 

“You finished that story. This morning. Fuck, it was so good. It was hard enough the last few days not seeing you but then you wrote that and fucking hell you’re amazing.” Harry muttered praises into Louis’ neck as he jacked Louis off.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, shit. I just kept imagining them as us. We’ve got to try sex in a pool.” 

Louis groaned as Harry’s thumb ran over his slit. “We- shit, where is a pool around here? There’s only public ones.” 

“A bath then.”

“I have a bath.” 

“Yeah.” Harry moaned, and tugged Louis hard until he was shooting into Harry’s fingers. Then Harry was stuffing his wet hand down his trousers to rub himself off. “Fuck I missed you so much.” 

“I missed you too. Isn’t this better though, now that we’ve had to wait for it?” 

“Fuck, no. It’s not enough, actually. I’ve been – shit – “ Harry gasped when Louis’ hand reached down to wrap around his. “I’ve been on edge all week. Felt like my cock was going to explode, but not in the good way.”

Louis grinned. “How far are you off from it now?”

“C-close. Not far.” Harry grunted, and Louis pushed Harry’s hand away to rub him off himself. Harry’s eyes were clenched shut and his tongue was poking out as he panted, so Louis leaned up to suck it into his mouth. He felt Harry go rigid beneath him, and he was coming into his hand. 

Louis looked down with a grin, noting the white stains on his black jeans. “You’re going to have to change now. You can’t play football in jeans, especially comey ones.” 

Harry pouted and let out a sigh. “I guess you’re right. Find me some sweats, will you? I still feel like a jellyfish.” 

Louis rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the bed. “The things I do for my jellyfish.”

 

“This way Harry!” Louis yelled, waving his hand exasperatedly in the direction of their goal. It was he, Niall and Harry versus Liam and Zayn, and they really should have been winning but Harry was more like minus one person then an extra. Almost every time he had the ball, he would kick it straight to Liam or out on the full. It made Niall laugh so hard he would end up bending over his knees or rolling around on the grass, which left Louis to be the only one defending their goal. It all sounded a lot worse than it was, really, because Louis couldn’t remember the last time he’d had this much fun. Harry was glowing, cheeks a bright pink and forehead with a light sheen to it, hair pulled back with a thin elastic headband. His eyes were a glossy green and his lips were plump and reddened from his subconscious lip-wetting, and he actually looked his age. Harry was so tall and lean that it was hard to remember he was only a teenager, even when he rambled like he did; rushed words, cheeks flushed, eyes bright. It made him seem young, sure, but he never _looked_ it. 

Now though, wearing sweats that kept slipping down past his hips as he ran, one hand holding them up while the other flailed around as he tried to balance himself over the ball, he looked his age. It made Louis think about how much Harry had ahead of him, how much _they_ had ahead of them _together_ , and it was comforting. For once, Louis wasn’t wondering about what Harry was still hiding from him. Harry’s past didn’t have to hold them back, but Louis was letting it. 

Harry was young, and Louis wasn’t much older, so really this should be the time of their lives that was all about the present while they got ready for the future. They were in Uni, working towards their careers but not quite able to start them. They were renting flats with their best friends, they didn’t have mortgages and children to worry about. They should be having as much fun as they could before shit hit the fan, before they had more to worry about then finishing assignments and paying the rent. 

And what was Louis doing with his time? He was writing fanfiction about a band he didn’t even like instead of living out those stories with his impossibly attractive boyfriend. He was worrying about embarrassing himself during sex with someone who liked his inexperience, who’d admitted that he wanted to be the one to show Louis everything they could do. And he was holding out on seeing Harry so that when they were together, it would be more exciting. Really, they should be taking advantage of their desperate need to see each other while it lasted. 

“Louis!” Harry shouted, bringing his attention back to the game. Harry kicked the ball and sent it flying over Louis’ head. “Wow, that was a big one!”

Louis grinned and looked to Harry, whose eyes were wide and pointed at the ball that was careening into a tree. 

“Out!” Liam yelled gleefully, and Harry sighed. 

“I can’t do anything right.” He pouted, and Louis tackled him into the ground. 

He kissed all over Harry’s sweaty face until the younger boy was struggling to breathe he was laughing so hard. “Don’t ever say that, you do everything right.” 

Harry blinked up at him with eyes wet from laughing, a small smile playing on his lips. “You better fuck me tonight like there’s no tomorrow, Tomlinson. You look so damn hot like this.” 

“Oi! We’re trying to play a game here!” Niall yelled from somewhere above them, and Louis sighed. 

He smacked a sloppy kiss onto Harry’s nose and pulled them up off the ground. “I will, promise.” Because thing was, there was going to be a tomorrow, lots of tomorrows, and Harry was going to be a part of all of them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo there's probably going to be like one or two more chapters because I'm so so busy now. 
> 
> Also thanks to Nicki (themanyfaceswewear on Tumblr) for getting me to write/ finish this chapter and giving me ideas!! And thanks for the other cuties who sent me messages and comments :)
> 
> They, and Kudos, are always appreciated!!!
> 
> xoxoxoxo

“Oi, pour me another will you?” Niall asked from where he was stretched at the end of the booth, arms splayed out along the top of the seat behind Harry and Liam’s heads. 

Louis nodded and emptied the last of the beer into Niall’s glass, and the boy beamed back at him. 

“Cheers. Here’s to our surprising comeback.” Niall toasted, raising his glass. 

“Mine’s empty.” Liam said, but raised it anyway. “Is it bad luck to toast with an empty glass?” 

“It’s probably at least seven years of it.” Niall grinned as they all clinked them together.

Harry smiled back and swallowed down the last of his beer. “It’ll be worth it though, it was a pretty epic turn-around. Worth losing seven good years over, as far as cheersing goes.” 

“Cheersing?” Louis asked, crinkling up his nose. 

“Yeah, like. What we just did, clinked glasses and said cheers? Isn’t that called cheersing?” 

Louis nodded, even if it wasn’t particularly true, and kissed Harry on the nose. 

Harry made a show of wiping it off and onto Zayn’s cheek, who just smiled back at the touch. 

“You really did incredible boys. I had no idea you were that good.” Zayn nodded to Louis. “You could have been in the team at school, should have tried out with me.” 

Louis sent Zayn a small smile back, taking the compliment for what it was, even if the idea had his stomach clenching up. He couldn’t imagine anything worse. So he simply said “Thanks.”

“Whose turn is it to grab another round?” Niall had already swallowed it all down and was eyeing off them all speculatively. “Harry?” 

He shrugged. “Guess so.” 

“That’s not fair, he’s only had the two. I’ll get it.” Liam pushed Harry back onto his seat with a gentle hand on his chest. “Just the one more jug, yeah? I’ve got to start getting ready for work soon.” 

“Seriously? But you worked last night.” Zayn said with a pout, but Liam was already halfway to the bar. 

“You can hang out with me if you like.” Niall offered with a little grin. “You can all come over, it’ll be fun. We’ll just get smashed and watch a footy game.” 

“Do you want to?” Louis felt Harry’s words in his ear, and looked at the boy beside him. Who was smiling hopefully, so he nodded. “We don’t have to if you don’t want.” 

“I do want to. It’ll be good for me to talk to Niall for a bit. He’s one of your best mates, isn’t he?” 

“Yeah, he is.” Harry grinned back, and grabbed Niall’s shoulder to get his attention. “We’ll come over.” 

“Excellent. That’s what I like to here. How about you Zayn?” 

Louis caught Zayn’s gaze and tried to put a bit reassurance into his smile. Zayn had looked uncertain, and it was a strange thing for Louis to be persuading Zayn into socialising, but it must have worked because the other boy nodded. “Yeah, alright. I’ll come.”

“Come where?” Liam asked. He’d arrived back with a jug and Louis couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him. Being the one left out always sucked. 

“To mine.” Niall took the jug and poured out the drinks.

Harry pulled his empty glass towards him with a shake of his head at Niall, and the Irishman mock scowled. 

“You’re gonna drink something at mine, yeah? You’re always bloody Sober Sally.” 

Harry pouted and muttered “Am not” while Liam gave Niall a glare. 

“He doesn’t have to drink if he doesn’t want.” Liam snapped.

“I don’t never drink. I mean, sometimes I drink. I just don’t want to right now. I will later.”

“But you don’t have to.” Liam said again, and Harry shot him his own version of a glare. It was a lot less threatening then one of Liam’s; his cheeks still dimpled just slightly and his lips pressed into a line that was still quite plump.

“I know that. You don’t need to be so gentle with me all the time.” It was the closest to angry Louis had ever heard Harry being; so far Harry had only ever been happy or sad, and it kind of surprised Louis that he was capable of feeling anything else. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. 

It seemed to surprise Liam too. “I… yeah, alright. Sorry.” 

Harry ducked his head. “It’s not like that. I just don’t feel like another beer right now.” 

Louis looked to Zayn, and then to Niall, and both looked just as confused as him. It was a little comforting, to know that he wasn’t the only one missing something. But again, it wasn’t, because _he_ was Harry’s boyfriend, and _he_ should know. Not Liam.

“Uh, right. So, we’ll just finish this and head off then?” Niall asked, no one in particular, but Harry answered anyway. 

“Yeah, go ahead. Actually, pour me one.” He pushed his glass into the centre of the table, and when Liam opened his mouth up to say something Harry muttered “Don’t” so quietly Louis wasn’t sure if even Liam was meant to hear it. 

Niall just sat, blinking at the both of them, so Louis picked up the jug and filled Harry’s glass to the brim. If Harry wanted a drink, then he was going to give him one. Even if Liam thought it was a bad idea. Well, especially since Liam thought it was a bad idea. It was childish, but Harry was his. And his own person, but… he was Louis’ more than Liam’s. 

“Thanks.” Harry grumbled as he took the glass between his hands. 

Niall cleared his throat. “We’ll have to do this again sometime. The football game, I mean. It was fun. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Zayn said, grinning small. Trying to break the tension, but still unable to hide his discomfort. He took a sip of beer and cleared his throat. They all looked to him, expecting him to say something, but his cheeks just flushed a light pink. 

“Alright, I better head off. If you end up coming out, stop by my work. If you like.” 

They all looked to Liam and nodded. Liam leaned down to kiss Zayn, but the boy turned his head quickly so Liam’s lips got him on the cheek. If Liam was hurt, he didn’t show it.

“It’s – sorry.” Zayn said, cheeks darkening redder.

“It’s fine.” Liam muttered back, and waved at the boys. 

The palpable tension didn’t break until he left the pub. When Zayn let out a heavy sigh and Niall barked out an awkward laugh. 

“Fucking hell, drink up so we can get out of here.” 

Louis smiled back at him and chugged half of his glass. “Who’s playing tonight? In the footy?”

“I have no idea, but a game’s a game, right? And Liam’s not even around to complain.” 

“He doesn’t hate it _that_ much.”

Niall scoffed at Harry. “You serious? He whines like a baby every time.”

“But he still comes here to watch the games with you.” 

“And he took me to a game!” Zayn chirped up, and Niall laughed.

“That’s different though. He had a different kind of motivation to sit through that game.” When Zayn just frowned back, Niall added “To get into your pants. Obviously.” 

Zayn blushed and took a loud gulp of his beer, and Harry glared at Niall. “Not that that’s what it was about. Why he took you out on that date.”

Zayn shrugged. “Well, it would have been. That’s why you go out with people, isn’t it? To eventually get into their pants. And to form relationships, but ultimately that’s the main goal.”

Harry shifted in his seat, leaning into Louis.

Who snapped his fingers until Zayn looked at him. “That’s not just it. Did something happen between you?” 

“No, it didn’t have to. I just wouldn’t be surprised. I don’t know him well. None of us know each other well.” Zayn looked pointedly at Harry then, and Louis felt like he was missing something. But considering the look on the other boys’ faces, he wasn’t the only one. 

“I don’t get it.” Niall said it, but they were all thinking it. 

Zayn sighed. Then cracked a sudden wide smile. “I don’t either. Had too many drinks.” 

Louis smiled back, simply because it felt like he was meant to. Zayn was looking at him, searching for something, and Louis figured that’s what it must be. A smile; some kind of reassurance. 

“Time to head home then, I think. The mood’s all sour here. We need my couch and some crisps and drinks that are actually cold instead of this piss.” Niall pulled a face at the beer in his glass, but gulped it all down anyway. Louis followed suit, and Zayn did too. Harry took a couple of small sips and pushed the half-full glass to Niall, who took it wordlessly. 

When they all finally stood and stepped out into the cold crisp air, it felt good. Like the tension that had been palpable between them was now dissipating, that it would be all gone by the time they got back to Niall’s. 

 

It wasn’t though; Louis didn’t think so, anyway. There was something a little off about Zayn, like he was somewhere far away. He was swaying where he was sitting, body leaning to the left slowly, mindlessly, until he caught himself and sat upright. Louis could put it down to him being drunk, it could explain the inability to sit still, but Zayn wasn’t usually like that when he drank. Something else was weighing him down. 

Then there was Harry, who didn’t want to talk about whatever had happened with Liam. 

Louis got him alone in the kitchen when they first walked into Niall’s, offering to get everyone beers while the other two settled in to watch the game, but Harry just shrugged. 

“It was nothing.” He said, rifling through Niall’s pantry to pull out some Doritos. 

“But I haven’t seen you like that before. Were you angry?” 

Harry sighed and turned to face Louis. “Kind of. Liam gets motherly and it’s annoying. And he doesn’t understand everything but he thinks he does. He’s sort of got this idea in his head, and its wrong but he believes it. He does that a lot.” 

“What does he think?” 

Harry eyed him for a moment, fiddling with the packet in his hands. Then he pulled the bag open and turned to locate a bowl. “Just, my Mum. She was an alcoholic. Not an abusive one, she just… it’s an addiction. Fucked her up. And Liam has it in his head that I’m weird about drinking. Thinks I should be, I guess. But I’m not. I don’t blame alcohol for it. Some people just tolerate it better than others, and my Mum couldn’t. So, Liam just assumes things that get to me. I’m not saying its left me unscathed. I’ve got so much shit going on in my head and you must know that by now, but I don’t blame the drink itself. Its other stuff that no one seems to understand, and I don’t know how to explain it.” 

Louis had been waiting for this, to find out what made Harry the way he was, what Harry had been hiding, and it had all just come out so easy. Easy to listen to, anyway. “You can try to explain it if you like. I’ll listen.”

Harry finally turned to face him and smiled small. “Another time, yeah? Let’s just try to have a bit of fun.”

Louis got that, he wanted it too, and he felt selfish for it. But Harry was already leaving the kitchen with the snacks in his hand, so Louis followed. 

He carried the beers, and they were snatched out of his hands before he could even sit down. 

Niall took a handful of crisps and shoved them into his mouth, chewing as he said “It’s England versus Ukraine.”

“Should be good.” Zayn mumbled, watching as Louis dropped onto the couch next to him. 

Louis was half on top of Harry, leaning back so his head was on Harry’s chest but his ass was still on the couch cushion. He felt Harry’s hand slide around his waist, and he relaxed further. 

“When does it finish?” Harry said, and Louis could feel his breath fan over the top of his head, through his hair. 

Niall laughed and threw a Dorito at them. “It only just started and you’re already whining?” 

“Am not.” He humphed. 

“Are too.” Zayn grunted back, picking the chip off of Louis’ lap and stuffing it into his mouth. “It should be two hours with the half time break and commentary and interviews and all that.”

“I’m bored.” Harry said, so quietly that it was clearly only intended for Louis’ ears.

“We don’t have to watch it.”

“Do you want to?” 

“Yeah, kind of. Aren’t I here to hang out with Niall a bit?” 

Harry sighed and rested his chin on Louis’ head. “Yeah, I ‘spose.” 

“You can be the beer boy. Get the refreshments and things.” Niall suggested, like it was a fun job; an honour. Like being the banker in Monopoly. 

“Alright, I can do that.” 

Louis drank some of his beer and looked up through his fringe at Harry. “Are you going to drink anything?” 

Harry stiffened beneath him. “Why?”

“Because I brought four beers.” He shrugged. “And I figured that if you aren’t going to drink yours then you could give it to Niall. Might mean you won’t have to get up to get more so quick, considering he drinks them so fast.” As he spoke, he felt Harry relax again; felt the arm around his waist drop a bit and Harry’s chin drop back down to his head. 

“Good point. I guess he can have this one. Hey Niall!” The boy looked up and Harry rolled the beer across the floor to where Niall was sitting on a beanbag. 

“Cheers.” He muttered, tipping his head back to get the last of the beer in his opened bottle before picking up the other one. 

“It really is incredible, how you can handle so much of it.” Zayn grunted. He’d been doing a lot of that. “I’m trying to keep up and I swear I can see four of you.”

“The Irish blood and all that.” Niall waved his hand to Zayn and turned back to the TV. “It’s starting, finally.” 

Harry groaned and Louis put his hand onto Harry’s thigh, running his fingers along the material of his jeans. 

He was actually quite excited for it now that it had started, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d watched a game. And watching it like this, with friends and beer and crisps, it felt familiar even though it was new. Like how you were meant to watch football, how he’d seen people doing it on Soaps. 

Niall was switching so rapidly between cheers and boos that Louis wasn’t one hundred percent sure who he was going for. Zayn was muttering praises under his breath and occasionally yelping out _come on_ s, and Harry was getting up every five minutes to grab drinks for them all, they were going through them that fast. Louis was too absorbed in the game to notice how much he’d had, but it hit him when he stood to go to the toilet that it must have been quite a lot because he tripped over Harry’s outstretched legs. 

“Fuck.” Louis giggled. 

“Where you goin? It’s not finished!” Niall groaned. 

“To the loo before I piss meself.” Louis grinned, righting himself with Harry’s help. 

“Shit, I need to go too.” Zayn said as he stood, and Louis held out his hand for Zayn to take. 

“Don’t be long or you’ll miss something good, I just know it.” Niall’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes a little wild, but that was the only indicator that he’d been drinking.

“We will, promise.” Louis assured him as he pulled Zayn down the hall.

“Do you even know where you’re going? I don’t.” Zayn laughed. 

“It’s good you’re smiling. You weren’t before and I didn’t like that.” 

“Yeah, sorry. Fuck, my toe!” Zayn grunted, hopping on his left leg, clutching his right foot with his free hand. The other hand was squeezing Louis’ so tight it was beginning to hurt. 

“Why?” 

“I just kicked the bloody wall.” 

Louis giggled again and opened a door to peek inside. It was the linen closet. “No, why were you sad before?” 

Zayn pushed open another door and growled because it was a bedroom. “I dunno. Liam was being a prick.” 

“About Harry?” 

“No. Not everything’s about fucking Harry.” 

Louis tried not to be offended. “About what then?” 

“I dunno, you I guess. And me. That I hadn’t seen him since last weekend because I wanted to hang out with you instead. Didn’t think that was right. Thinks I’m in love with you. Had a go at me before we left this morning to play footy, said a few things during the week on the phone.”

Louis finally found the bathroom, which took an amazingly long time considering there were only four doors in the hallway, and pushed Zayn in. “You’re in love with me?” 

“Well, yeah. Just not in the way he thinks. Like I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Do you want to fuck him?” Louis asked as he undid his fly and lifted the toilet seat up. He sighed out in relief when he could finally let go. Zayn was silent, so Louis looked back at him. “Well do you?” 

“I still don’t know.” He whined. “I don’t want to be told what to do and who I can see. I don’t want to have to choose between you and him because if I did it would be you and I don’t want to think about what that might mean.” 

“Well don’t.” Louis zipped himself up and squeezed beside Zayn at the sink so he could wash his hands. “Tell him to go fuck himself because there’s nothing that can get in between us. We’re the –“ 

He never did get to say what it was they were, because there were lips stopping him. Lips against his, Zayn’s lips moving against his. A tongue in his mouth, Zayn’s tongue against his tongue. Zayn was tasting him and he was tasting Zayn back and he wasn’t meant to because _Harry_. 

It’s what had him pushing back, that thought, so that Zayn stumbled back against the cold porcelain of the sink. His eyes were wide and unblinking. 

“What was that?” Louis asked, voice level even though he desperately wanted to scream. And shout and cry until he knew why he didn’t feel angry. Why he wasn’t as surprised as he should be. 

“I don’t – I can’t – I’m not sure.” Zayn stuttered out. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I just did that. I mean, I don’t know if I love you like that, but I must right? I liked that. I want to do it again. Oh fuck, _shit_.” 

Zayn looked so worried and hurt and frightened that Louis could only hug him, hand on the back of his head to push his face into his chest. 

“You don’t love me like that Zayn, it’s alright. You like Liam.”

“But not like I like you. Fuck. Why are you even comforting me?” Zayn pushed himself back and towards the door. “I should go. I’ve got to go, alright?” 

“But they’ll be suspicious!” 

“What?” Zayn stopped, half out of the doorway. 

“Harry will be suspicious, about why you’re leaving just now. Like this, rushing out the door and stuff. He’ll think something happened.” 

Zayn blinked back at him. “But something did happen. I kissed you.” 

“Yeah, but it didn’t mean anything alright? You don’t love me, its fine. You’re just drunk.”

“Louis. This is fucked, alright? This is a big deal. It is for me, anyway, and it should be for you. I don’t care about whether Harry gets suspicious. I don’t care if he finds out what just happened. Actually, he should know. And you should care. You should be trying to help me figure this out. You should be leaving with me.”

“But, its fine.” 

“You keep telling yourself that, then. Just – fucking hell, Louis. You’re the only person I’ve got to talk to about this and you’re not going to listen?” Louis heard footsteps down the hall and he looked pleadingly at Zayn to stop. “You’re going to stay here and fuck your boyfriend while your best friend, someone who’s stuck by you for fifteen bloody years, loses his shit over how he feels?”

Louis glanced over Zayn’s shoulder, where Harry was standing wide eyed and mouth open. It opened and closed, before opening again to ask “Is everything okay?” 

Zayn spun around and pushed past him, not saying anything except “Doesn’t fucking matter, does it.” 

Louis didn’t know what to do. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Zayn kissed him, let alone that he could possibly love him, and his head was swimming in alcohol. All lines felt blurred. 

“I think I have to go after him.” Louis muttered, eyes flitting past Harry to Zayn’s disappearing figure.

Harry nodded, expression unreadable. “Want me to come?” 

“Yes, but I don’t think you should.” Louis admitted.

“Alright. You should probably go now, then.” His voice was firm, unwavering, and Louis couldn’t put his finger on the emotion laced through his words. He was in no state for it. For any of this. 

“Yeah. I’ll call you. Tonight. After I sort this out.” 

“Yeah. After that.” Harry nodded. As Louis passed him to get out of the bathroom, Harry grabbed his wrist and pulled him close to kiss him quick. It felt wrong, to have the taste of two boys on his lips. 

“I’ll call you.” Louis promised again, and just caught Harry’s quick nod as he rushed out of Niall’s flat to find Zayn.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is like 99% dialogue :/ sorry!! xoxoxoxo

Louis hadn’t left Niall’s flat more than a few seconds after Zayn, but the other boy must have already made it to the stairs because he wasn’t in the hall. Louis rushed down the two flights, and out of the building’s main entrance, and could just make out Zayn’s head bobbing amongst the mass of people in the busy street. It was about 11pm on a Saturday night in Camden; Louis really shouldn’t have expected any different. 

He crossed his arms across his chest, hugging his coat closer to himself, and began to push through the crowd of people that were probably just as drunk as him. They all smelt like it, anyway. 

“Zayn!” he tried to yell, but his voice came out hoarse and everyone around him turned to look and gave him disgruntled stares, and he felt scared; it felt like the whole world was watching. 

Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket as he ran, and swiped at his screen until it was calling. He saw the other boy stop for a moment, and even though he saw him answer the phone with his own eyes, he still couldn’t believe it when he heard Zayn grunt “What?” 

“Wait for a second, I’m right behind you.” 

Instead of waiting, Zayn began to walk again. Only this time, he was moving quicker. “Go back to Harry, Louis. I know that’s what you want to do.” 

“But you need me. You want to talk, and I can listen.” Louis breathed through the phone, trying to speed up his steps. He knocked into someone and muttered out an apology, but it was clearly the wrong person to bump because he was being wrenched back by his arm. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are, mate?” The man was a head taller than Louis, and didn’t look particularly threatening except for the way his mouth was turned up into a snarl. 

“No one. Sorry, I’m – I’ve got to catch up to my friend.” Louis said back, trying to meet the man’s stare but he couldn’t; he was scared shitless. 

“Louis?” he heard in his ear, but a hand was on his collar and he was pushed up against a wall and all he could sense was the man’s hot alcohol-laced breath rushing against his forehead because he was clenching his eyes shut, too scared of what he might see. 

“Who. The. Fuck. Do. You. Thing. You. Are?” Each word was marked by a hard poke to Louis’ chest. 

“Please don’t.” Louis whispered, and all he heard was laughter. He wanted to cry. He _needed_ Harry.

“Louis.” He heard Zayn again, but it wasn’t through his phone because that was beeping in his ear; call disconnected. Louis opened his eyes and looked past the man in front of him, spotting Zayn just as his mate was pulling him back. “Leave him the fuck alone.” Zayn snarled through his teeth, and the laughter stopped. The man weighed up the two of them for a moment, and seemed to decide that Louis was no longer worth it because he was suddenly walking away with his mates, who were all still laughing beneath their breaths. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

Louis’ eyes flicked back to Zayn, who still looked mad. “I was coming after you.” 

Zayn’s face softened and he was pulling Louis close. “You’re shaking.” 

“They were laughing at me. I – I haven’t felt that weak since – since High School.” He got out through heaving breaths, willing his heartbeat to steady. 

“Louis you can’t – I’m mad at you, alright? Just, don’t get hurt. Ever.” Zayn threw his arm over Louis’ shoulder and began to lead him through the mass of bodies. “We’re going home, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Louis sighed, nestling closer into Zayn’s side. He was warm and safe and just what he needed. 

They were silent until they got on the Tube, both content by the other’s side. But their carriage was empty, except for a couple of sleeping middle aged men, and Zayn must have been waiting until that very moment because he was opening his mouth to speak as soon as they sat down. 

“Why do you love Harry?” 

Louis looked up at Zayn, taking in his wide bloodshot eyes and downturned mouth and messy hair. He looked so much younger; afraid and unsure yet desperate for knowledge. Louis didn’t know what Zayn wanted him to say, so he settled on telling the truth. “With him, I feel strong. I feel like I’m the capable one. I feel as beautiful as he says I am and as smart. I _know_ how much he loves me and a few months ago I never thought that would be possible. Not just to be loved like that, but to believe it too.” 

“Why do you – what do you feel for me?” 

“I’ve always idolised you, Zayn. I’ve always felt grateful to you for being my friend and sticking by me when no one else did. I love you, too. I have since I was a kid. When you invited me over that first time and I tripped coming up your stairs before I even got through the door and I cried because it hurt and couldn’t stop because I thought you would call me a baby and not let me in. But you didn’t. You helped me up and you got me a plaster and apologised because it was a My Little Pony one instead of something cool like Spiderman. I – it’s just always been you caring for me. You coming to my rescue and you defending me and I’ve always just felt pathetic.” Louis’ thoughts were still murky, alcohol still pulsing through his system, but he could get out what he wanted to say; what he meant, even if it didn’t make all that much sense.

“You’re not pathetic, though. I don’t think you’re pathetic.” 

Louis smiled small because it looked like Zayn needed it. Like for once, _he_ needed reassurance. “I know that. Now, because of Harry. Because before him, all I had was that life I lived in private, my blog and my writing. It was the only place I felt accepted and understood and like I was worth something until I actually met him. What I created for myself there kind of just – it collided with my real life and everything I felt there I felt here too. Does that make sense? I started to actually go out and talk to people and put myself in situations that I wasn’t comfortable in but I _survived_ and I just – I’m getting stronger. I don’t need to hide any more. I don’t want to hide. And I feel like I owe it all to Harry.”

Louis’ eyes had drifted away from Zayn at some point during his little spiel, and he couldn’t quite turn back to face him. He was worried about what he’d read there, or see the pain he’d caused. 

Even when Zayn cleared his throat, Louis didn’t look away from his shoes. Zayn mumbled “We’ve got to get off the next stop to switch lines” and Louis muttered “I know.” 

“You don’t owe him anything. You don’t need to fix him. It’s not right if you feel strong around him because he’s the weak one.” 

That made Louis look up, jaw clenched because he was just about ready to snap like a dog. It meant his words came out as a hiss through his teeth. “He’s not weak. I know I don’t owe him. I’m not with him because I feel like I owe him.”

Zayn stood as the Tube stopped and hurried out of the exit, only looking behind himself to see if Louis had followed when he was on the platform. “I didn’t mean it like that. And don’t get mad at me. I’m the one that’s meant to be mad.”

Louis stepped off the train and caught up to Zayn, who was already beginning the walk to the other line. “Well don’t call him weak. If that’s all you took from that, from what I just said, then that’s not fair. You asked me how I feel about him and I told you. Don’t get mean because it’s not how you want me to feel.”

“I don’t even know how I feel Louis, and I certainly don’t know how I want you to feel. I know I want you happy, but not if it’s at my expense. Fuck, that sounds selfish doesn’t it? I meant, just – you’ve been spending all your time with Harry and I see that you’re different and I’m happy you are. I just miss you and how we used to be.”

“So why did you kiss me if you don’t know how you feel?”

“I thought it would make sense out of things. I didn’t – it’s not like I planned it, you know? I just did it because I wanted to.” Zayn said as they rounded the corner to the other platform. He leant back against the brick wall and Louis stood in front of him, waiting expectantly for more. “I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry. But you were a dick too.” 

“I’m here though, aren’t I? I care for you Zayn, I do, just not like that. And to be honest, I don’t think you love me like that either.” Louis heard the train then, and looked up to see it appear through the tunnel. 

“Why?”

Louis was silent as the train slowed down, not wanting to shout over the noise, and when he looked through the windows and noticed a few more people he said “Can we talk about it after? This train is a lot busier and I don’t – I don’t want people listening in.”

“Why?” Zayn repeated. “Why don’t you think I love you?” 

“I think you’re just scared and Liam is new and I’m comfortable.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

The doors were opening and Louis followed Zayn in, eyeing the small groups of people scattered about the carriage. There were two girls with smudged eye makeup, sitting down cross legged on their seat, holding their heels in their hands, and leaning into each other but not saying anything. One was resting her eyes closed while the other was looking at her phone. There was a group of four or five guys, wearing red and white and bellowing out a Manchester United football chant. There were a couple of other small groups of people, and some others that were by themselves, and Louis didn’t want any of them to listen in to their conversation so he stayed silent. 

“I am scared, that part makes sense. I’m scared of – of if it will hurt, and what could happen afterwards. Is that all Liam wants from me? To fuck me? Would he leave once he gets what he wants? I don’t trust him.”

Louis eyed the group of men at the end of the carriage, worried that they heard something they weren’t meant to. One caught his eye and grinned and waved his red and white flag, so Louis smiled politely and looked away. 

“I trust you though. I think, I want you to be my first.” 

That had Louis zoning back in to Zayn with narrowed eyes. “What?”

“I want you to be my first because I know you won’t leave me afterwards.”

“That can’t happen.”

“But you’ve only ever fucked Harry.” Zayn whined. “How do you know that you really love him if you haven’t tried anyone else?”

“Tried? Zayn, I get it that you’re scared but you can’t just – I don’t get it.” Louis was getting flustered, waving his hands like the answers were floating in the air before him and he was trying to catch them all. “Is this all about the sex stuff? Because you don’t have to have sex with Liam. If you don’t want to do it, if you have to think this hard about it and come up with these crazy ideas then you don’t like him like that and it’s okay. You don’t want Liam to fuck you and that’s fine.”

“But I do. I just don’t want my first to be someone who might leave afterwards. I don’t want him to leave.”

“Zayn – fuck, my head is going around in circles. I think we need to talk about this tomorrow when we’re both sober because, to be honest, I think this is one of those misunderstandings that happen when people get pissed. Had you even thought about this before tonight? About me fucking you?” 

Zayn shrugged and looked away. “I don’t think so. But I’m thinking about it now and I mean, I get jealous of you and Harry. I miss you when you’re gone from me. And thinking about us before Harry, how I would send girls home to be with you and choose you over everything else, it makes sense that I would be in love with you.” 

“But love isn’t a rational decision or a choice, and you’re making it one. How do you actually feel about me?”

“Our stop’s next.” Zayn said, and when Louis didn’t say anything he shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Without thinking about the aftermath, do you like the idea of me fucking you more or of Liam fucking you?” 

Zayn was silent for a moment. “Liam, I suppose.”

“So really, you just want me for the aftermath. Which you can have, Zayn. I’m still going to be here for you, I’m not going to leave you for Harry, I don’t think I’ll ever have to make that choice. But do you think Liam would do that to you? Fuck you and leave?”

The train stopped and Louis stood up, waiting for Zayn to do the same. They walked in silence, Zayn thinking hard and Louis waiting for him to say something. 

“Zayn?” He prompted, when they’d almost made it up the escalator to get out of the station and his friend still hadn’t answered. 

“I don’t think he would. I just can’t be sure.”

“Then wait. Until you can trust him and you _are_ sure.” 

Zayn shivered and hugged his coat tighter. Then began to fumble through his pockets until he pulled out a fag and a lighter. “I hadn’t even thought about us two like that until Liam asked. Kind of put the idea in my head, made me wonder if I’d loved you differently to how I thought all this time.” 

“What do you think now?” 

“I think I’m a fucking tit. Probably fucked everything up. Sorry.” 

“You haven’t, and it’s okay. I’m sorry I reacted badly when you kissed me.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place. I should have figured shit out before I did that. I just wasn’t thinking.” 

“It’s fine now, yeah? You’ve worked it out and you don’t love me like that and we can go back to being the very best of mates.”

Zayn snorted, pushing smoke out of his mouth and nostrils as he did it. Then he tapped his ash onto the ground and pushed at Louis with his shoulder. “Can’t believe I’m having a sexuality crisis at 21. I thought that was High School shit.”

“Well, you didn’t have Liam at school. Kind of says a lot about him, doesn’t it? Why do you like him anyway?”

“He likes me. It was nice to be chased, I guess. None of those girls I was with before put up much of a fight when I sent them home or broke it off. Made it feel like they never cared. Liam really went for it with me, chased me about and put in the effort and it felt good. Still feels good.”

“If he tried so hard to get you, do you really think he’ll dump you after sex?” 

“I’m just worried that, I guess, what if I got it wrong? What he’s after, I mean. What if was trying so hard just to get in to my pants and that’s it; not because he wanted to be my boyfriend and take me out and all that shit like I thought?” 

“I don’t know Zayn. I think you’ve got to tell him though. Ask him what he wants from you and decide then if it’s what you want to give. Didn’t you tell me that he was willing to have a relationship with you without sex, though? When neither of you wanted to bottom, didn’t he say you could still work it out?” 

Zayn nodded and took another drag of his cigarette. His eyes looked glassy and his skin pale from the cold, and his steps were growing quicker as they got closer to home. They were only a street away now. “Already said I was a tit, didn’t I?”

“You’re not. You’re scared.”

They walked up the stairs, Zayn holding his cigarette with just his pursed lips as he fought with his coat pocket for his keys. The building wasn’t much warmer than outside, so they jogged up the stairs to get warmth running through their bodies. It was a shock when they got to their level and Harry was waiting outside their door. 

“How did you-“

“Cab. Cost a lot but I - I needed to see you. Find out what was wrong.” Harry’s eyes were flicking constantly between Louis and Zayn, gaze steady but hands tapping his thighs like he was nervous. 

“We’ve worked it out now. Sorry I kissed your boyfriend. Won’t happen again, I promise.” Zayn said when he was standing by Harry’s side, sticking his key in the door. 

Harry nodded shortly and looked to Louis. “Why’d you do it?” 

“Because I’m a scared tit.” Zayn answered with a small smile.

“No, Louis. Why’d you let him?”

“I didn’t. I pushed him away. It’s alright Harry, it’s sorted now. Zayn was just scared about him and Liam and sort of, confused his feelings I guess. Can we go inside?” 

Harry nodded again and followed Louis until they were in his room. 

“Am – am I not making you happy?” He asked, eyes filling with tears that refused to spill. “Am I not enough?”

“Of course you’re enough. You’re more than enough!” And Louis was hugging Harry hard, pulling him into his chest. “I’m happy with you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been _because_ of you.” 

“You said you wanted to know things about me and I told you and – and you just – you left me.” They were flowing now, his tears, down his cheeks and off his chin. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.”

“I shouldn’t be this upset, sorry.”

“You’re allowed to be upset Harry, I just wish you’d stop being sorry for it.”

“I just always had to be happy, you know? If I was happy then my Mum was happy and everything was okay. But if I was upset and she knew then she’d blame herself and things would get worse. I just don’t like it when people get upset because of how I feel. I don’t want to feel sad if it makes you sad.” Harry sniffed into his coat, wiping his cheeks with the back of his palm. 

“But that’s the way things are. You’re going to get sad about things, and maybe sometimes it will be because I’ve said or done something wrong and I need you to tell me that it hurts so I can never do it again.” 

“It hurt when you kissed Zayn.”

“I’m sorry that it happened and it never will again, I promise. Are you upset about anything else?” 

“When you didn’t want to see me all last week. Was it really because you thought it would be good for us or did I do something wrong?” 

Louis sat down at the end of his bed and pulled Harry with him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I thought that if we had a break from seeing each other, it would be even better when we got to see each other again. But I realised that was stupid, and I like seeing you every day.”

Harry nodded and shrugged out of his coat, so Louis did the same. Then he crawled up Louis’ bed to rest his head on a pillow. “How come you don’t go on Tumblr anymore? I still worry it’s because of that story we wrote together. You’ve hardly been on it since then.” 

Louis thought silently for a moment, then crawled under the blanket beside Harry and threw his arm around his waist. “I just don’t feel like going on there anymore. I don’t want to and I don’t need to, which is how I used to feel. I don’t need it anymore, because I’ve got you in my real life. Before I only felt like myself when I was on Tumblr or talking to friends online. I feel like an even better me now.”

Harry smiled and his cheeks reddened slightly, and his eyes flickered down to Louis’ lips. “Really?” 

“Yes, really. I could delete it now and not think twice about it.” 

Harry’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Don’t do that! It’s – we’ve got all our history on there, written down for us, and not many people have that.” 

“I’ll keep it then, but only for you.” 

Harry looked up at him and smiled wide, so Louis kissed him. Softly on the cheek, then a little harder on his mouth, just resting his lips against Harry’s until they were moving beneath his. 

Then Louis pulled back. “Do you feel better?” Harry nodded and leaned in to kiss Louis again, but he separated their lips. “I mean it. I want you to tell me when you’re upset alright, and what you’re upset about.”

“I do, honestly. I had all these things in my head that shouldn’t have been in there because I didn’t just ask you about Tumblr and our break, and now Zayn.” Louis opened his mouth to say something, but Harry pushed on. “Which I know is nothing to worry about now, because I asked and you told me. I’m just tired of being the fuck up.”

“You’re not a fuck up. Jesus, have you forgotten about when we first met? How stuttery and awkward I was, how scared I got when we kissed in that club, and then how weird I was about sex? So far, everything’s been about making me more confident and comfortable with who I am, and I think it’s your turn to have that. We’ve got to stop making everything about me and start thinking about you.”

“But I don’t want everything to be about me.”

“We don’t have to make _everything_ about you, but if it makes you feel any better it will be good for me too. I need to learn how to make you happy.” Harry opened his mouth and Louis covered his mouth. “And don’t say something soppy like _just you is enough to make me happy_ because I’ve said enough soppy shit today for the both of us.” 

Harry licked at Louis’ hand until he removed it with a squeak, then grinned when Louis sent him a disgruntled look. “It’s true though. Partly. Pancakes make me happy too.”

Louis pinched Harry’s shoulder then yawned wide. “I’m desperate for a sleep. Those last few hours were the most dramatic of my life. My brain hurts.”

“If I could, I would kiss it better.”

Louis pinched Harry’s shoulder again and kissed him on the nose. “I thought I said no more sap.”

“Sorry.” Harry said with a grin. Then his face fell a little and his fingers laced through Louis’. “Is Zayn alright?” 

“I think so. He will be, anyway. We’ll talk about it in the morning, yeah? Or if you really want to know everything I can tell you.”

Harry shook his head and snuggled down further into Louis’ chest. “Can I be the little spoon tonight?” 

“Of course.” Louis said with a smile, kissing Harry’s forehead and lips and then climbing over Harry’s body so he was behind him. He could have asked Harry to roll over, but he didn’t really want to.

“Good night. Love you.” Harry muttered, and Louis smiled against his back. 

“Love you too.”


	17. Chapter 17

Louis woke to the sound of loud banging, and had to untangle his limbs from Harry’s to get the door. It was a red and flushed Liam, who looked angry enough to have Louis closing the door halfway.

As if noticing Louis’ fear, his face dropped into something almost apologetic. “I just want to talk to Zayn. He texted me some weird shit last night and I’m worried because he hasn’t replied to anything I sent this morning. Can – can I come in please?” 

“I’ll ask him, okay? Just, if I invite you in will you promise to leave if he says so?” 

“Of course! I’m not – I feel like I’m some monster or something. I don’t want to hurt anyone, least of all him.”

Louis nodded and stepped aside, watching Liam until he was sat on the sofa before closing the door and rushing to Zayn’s room. He knocked, but no one answered so he pushed the door open. Zayn was still asleep, so Louis climbed in to his bed to nudge him gently. “Zayn?” 

Louis poked him again, and he began to stir. He groaned and stretched out his limbs and muttered something that sounded like “What time is it?” 

“Just gone nine. Liam’s here to talk to you. Should I send him home?” 

Zayn blinked his eyes awake to look at Louis, then grunted out a _Fuck_. 

“What is it?”

“Just, last night I was such a _knob_. Are you and Harry alright? Did I fuck it all up for you?” Zayn was shuffling back against the headboard and simultaneously kicking off the covers. 

“We’re fine. We’re really good, actually. But Liam is here now, and he said you texted him some stuff. Do you remember what you said?” 

Zayn cringed and reached out to grab his phone from his side table. “Sort of. I just apologised loads, asked for him to come over after I kissed you. He said he had work and then I kind of had a go at him, lashed out. After that was when you got to me and that was it until I got into bed.”

“What happened then?” 

“I just told him we needed to talk, so I guess that’s why he’s here.” Zayn rubbed over his face with his hand, and shook his head before he began to push himself up and out of the bed. “Tell him to come in in a few, yeah?”

“Okay.” 

When he left Zayn’s room, Louis found Harry sitting on the sofa next to Liam. “You can go in soon. Umm, Harry do you want to go out for a bit?” 

Harry smiled and nodded and stood up. “Just got to grab my coat.”

Louis followed him back to their room and picked up his jeans from the floor. “They’ll be alright, won’t they?” 

Harry shrugged. “I suppose. It’s all quite new, isn’t it? I think that’s what Liam’s most upset over though. He doesn’t feel like he’s got a right to be angry but he’s angry anyway. He’s worried he’s been pushing this whole time without even knowing. I don’t like seeing him so upset.” 

“They’ll work it out.” Louis promised, and picked up Harry’s coat from his desk. 

Harry nodded, and took it from Louis’ hands. Then he ruffled through the pockets and pulled out his phone. He was blushing when he muttered “Got to check Tumblr.” 

Louis laughed and pulled his own coat on. “Anything exciting going on?” 

“Not really.” Harry sighed. “I’m finding it a bit boring too, to be honest. I think I get what you mean about it. It was an escape from my life, and now I don’t want to do that. I’m happy in it, now I’ve got you literally physically here.”

Louis smiled and took Harry’s hand in his. “Let’s go get something to eat, yeah? I’m starving.” 

They crept past Zayn’s room, and Louis listened out for raised voices but there weren’t any. He could make out the deep hum of conversation, but not exact words, which was probably a good sign. 

“You can stay here for him if you like?” Harry asked, standing in the hall, door held open by his hand.

“No, Zayn’s got this. I want to go with you.” Louis replied, and felt a light buzzing in his gut when Harry’s face split into a grin. 

 

Louis was sitting on a park bench, chomping away at a bacon and egg roll, styrofoam cup of tea between his knees, when Harry cleared his throat loud enough to have Louis looking to him. 

“You haven’t really asked me about my Mum.” 

Louis stopped chewing, but wasn’t quite sure what to do with the food in his mouth; wasn’t sure whether he should spit it into the bin or talk through it. He decided on the latter, so his words came out quieter then intended. “I thought you’d just tell me when you felt comfortable enough.”

Harry nodded, and Louis chewed again in a silence long enough for him to be able to swallow the food down before Harry broke it. “You know how you wanted me to tell you when something was bothering me? Even if it was something you did?” 

“Yeah.”

“I think – I think I might need you to ask me things, because sometimes I worry that you might not care about it. Or – “ Harry looked down at his knees, where he was drawing shapes with his right pointer finger. “Umm, or me. Sometimes.” 

Louis reached out to hold Harry’s hand in his own. “I care. I care so much I don’t know what to do about it. I want to know everything there is to know about you, and I want you to tell me. But I’ll ask when I want to know things, if that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

“Can you please tell me about your Mum? Only the things you want to tell me though.”

Harry nodded and sent Louis a small smile; one that looked almost thankful. “I’ve sort of told you all the basics, I think. How she was an alcoholic, and how I didn’t like her to know I was sad because then she’d be sad. But it was a hard thing to avoid sometimes, like when I had a particularly bad day at school, or when Mum and my sister had a particularly bad fight. Mum would sometimes forget to go shopping, or just not be able to afford groceries all together, and it made Gemma mad. I never said anything about it, I’d just smile and tell Mum that it was fine, but my sister never accepted it. They fought a lot, so Gemma moved out after she graduated school, to Manchester Uni so she could stay on campus. And she was my only friend, really, when I was fifteen. Before you, I really did feel completely alone. I had a couple of people I sat with at school, but with them I always felt more tolerated then understood.”

Harry went silent, so Louis asked “Do you still feel like that sometimes?” 

“Sometimes I worry that people don’t really like me, but just put up with me. I don’t with you or Liam or Niall though, but I’m still not sure about Zayn.”

“He likes you.” Louis assured him.

It made Harry smile. “Thanks. But, I think that’s why I worry about you seeing me sad sometimes. I need to be liked, and I’ve got it in my head that people won’t like me if I seem sad. I only felt liked at school when I fell over or said something stupid because they’d all laugh. Even if it was _at_ me, it was still something.”

“I like you all the time. Love you, even.” 

Harry was grinning now. “Thanks, I know. I still can’t help feeling like that sometimes, though.” 

“So is that why you trip over and stuff? Do you do it on purpose?”

“No, my feet really do have a life of their own.”

Louis grinned and squeezed Harry’s hand tight. “So you think that people will only like you when you’re being happy or funny?”

“I did, and sometimes I still do. With you, I played up my silliness because I thought it would make you like me how I liked you. But I like this, how we are now. Being honest and ourselves and all that.”

“I like it too, being honest.” 

Harry nodded with a grin. “Honest is good.”

“We’ll be honest then. Always. You’ll be honest about how you feel, and I’ll be honest about how I feel, and we’ll ask questions of each other if we have them.”

“I would like that.”

“I have another question.” Louis stated, and Harry nodded so he asked “Is your Mum okay now?”

“Yeah, she is. She got a lot of help in my final year of school because she hadn’t seen Gemma for years, and she’s good now. I try to talk to her when I can so she doesn’t think I moved to London because of her. I like to remind her that I moved here because of you.”

Harry looked to the ground when he said it, and his palm was growing sweaty against Louis’. “Harry? Did you really? Because I thought it was for Uni.”

“I – it was for Uni. But, I mean, it was because you went there that I wanted to go there. I remember asking you about Unis last year because that’s all our teachers were talking about and when you told me where you went, I decided that’s where I wanted to be.” Harry finally looked up, at Louis and his dropped jaw, and blushed. “It’s creepy isn’t it? Forget I said anything.”

“No, no! It’s not creepy at all. It’s flattering, actually.”

“And, I mean, it’s not like I had many reasons to stay in Holmes Chapel.” Harry said quickly; reassuring. “I just - I wouldn’t have moved to London if I didn’t already know you were here. I probably would have gone to live with Gemma in Manchester.”

“I’m glad you didn’t do that. I’m glad you moved to London, and I’m especially glad that I’m the reason you did it.”

“You sure?” Harry asked hesitantly, looking up from under his lashes. “You’re not even a little creeped out?”

“No, Harry, I’m not even a little creeped out. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

There was a long pause, of the two of them just grinning at each other, so Louis took the opportunity to have another bite of his breakfast roll. “I’ve been thinking.” he said, mouth full, and continued when Harry laughed. “I think I would like to write a book.”

That sobered Harry up. “Really?” 

“Yes. I don’t know what about yet, but I want to do it. Maybe you could help me with some ideas. You are my muse, after all.”

“Yeah, I could do that! Oh, Louis, I would _love_ to do that. You really want my help?” Harry was so excited he was bouncing on the seat, and Louis felt warm all over. 

“Of course. You make me actually _want_ to write. I’d love for you to help me. I _need_ you to help me. You’re my inspiration.”

Harry squealed at that, and Louis couldn’t even get a laugh out before Harry’s lips were against his. Only a quick peck, so he could yell out “We’re going to write a book!” 

“We are!” Louis laughed, loud and honest. His cheeks were hurting he was smiling so wide, but he just felt so happy to his very core. He had someone he loved deeply, who loved him in return, and it felt like he had everything. Like there wasn’t anything else he needed or wanted. So he kissed Harry, despite his bacon and eggy breath, so he could feel his boyfriend’s giggles against his lips. “We’re going to write a book.”

 

\---

 

“You’ve got the tickets, yeah?” Harry asked for at least the hundredth time. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, and had been for the entire time that they’d been waiting in the line outside the O2 arena. 

“Yes, Harry, I’ve got the tickets.” Liam said back with a grin. They’d all been like that, smiley and joyous, because Harry’s excitement was just so palpable. Even Zayn looked like he was going to burst out of his skin, and he loathed the band. 

Louis squeezed Harry’s hand, and his boyfriend’s smile grew impossibly wide. “When do they start?”

“Not til nine, but the support starts at 7:30. What’s the time now?” Harry turned quick so he could ask all of them, but before any of them could say anything Harry was pulling out his own phone. “It’s 7. It’s okay, we got lots of time.” He added under his breath.

“Good, I’m fucking hungry. I’m gonna get a burger. What are you gonna get?” Zayn asked.

“You mean after I eat you all up?” Liam asked, and gave Zayn a slobbery kiss on the cheek. Zayn wiped his face and rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t quite able to hide his grin. They were sickeningly loved up, the two of them, but Louis still wasn’t to the point where he could be mad at them for it. It had taken them a while to get there, to a place where they could hold hands and kiss in public and show each other love in ways that didn’t include words. It was Zayn that had to work to get there, really, but Liam supported him through it all once they got past those minor road bumps. 

“I’m going to get a hotdog.” Louis offered up, and Harry’s jaw dropped.

“I can’t even think of eating at a time like this! I’m going to be seeing them, all of them, in two hours! Danny and Luke and Jerry and, fuck, what’s the other one called? Paul or something, I can’t remember. Maybe Peter? Anyway, shit, Louis!” he whined out, and Louis wrapped his arms around his waist. It was usually what Harry wanted when he got excited like this. 

“I’m here. Who are you most excited to see?” 

“Luke. Definitely. Or maybe Danny. Imagine if they kissed on stage!”

“Oh my god, yes!” someone squealed from behind them, and Harry swung around to grab onto the hands of the squealing girl so they could squeal together.

Louis could only laugh with Liam.

Zayn looked on with utter shock. “Holy fuck, there are like a million yous here Louis.”

“Come on, I was never that bad. I just wrote porn.” 

A phone was shoved in Louis’ face and Harry asked for him to take a picture, so he shot one of Harry with his new friends. Then he took the same photo on about five different phones, and watched as they all instagrammed them. 

“This one is going straight to Tumblr.” Harry announced, and all the girls started squealing again. 

“Where’s Niall?” Liam asked, pinching Zayn’s hand to stop him from making some nasty remark directed at the girls. That used to be Louis’ job, but he decided a little while ago that if he was to let anyone have Zayn, Liam was definitely a worthy candidate, so it didn’t hurt so much anymore. Not now that he’d realised that he wasn’t being replaced, but Liam was just filling a slot in Zayn’s life that had been empty before. There was room in Zayn’s heart for the both of them, just like there was room in Louis’ for Harry too. 

“He’s going to meet us in there. He’s finishing work at eight so I emailed him his ticket this morning.” Louis said, and pulled on Harry’s hand when the line began to move. Harry stumbled mid-squeal and the girls all giggled, so Harry threw them his most charming smile.

“This is my boyfriend, Louis. Isn’t he the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world?” Harry asked, and threw his arm over Louis’ shoulder to hug him to his side. 

All that Harry got in response was some more squealing, but he didn’t seem to mind. He just started to gush, throwing compliments around until Louis’ face was burning hot. “And he’s so smart!” he added, after he’d listed off the names he’d given to each of Louis’ freckles. “He’s writing a book!”

“ _We’re_ writing a book.” Louis corrected, and Harry beamed bright.

“What’s it about?” one of the girls asked.

“It’s about us, kind of.” Harry hinted, and Louis rolled his eyes.

“It’s about people a million times cooler and more interesting than us.” 

“No one is more interesting or cooler than us.” Harry proclaimed, and all the girls were grinning at them like they were the cutest couple on earth.

“What about us!” Zayn interrupted, poking his head between Louis and Harry to grin at the girls. “Me and my boyfriend are pretty cool and interesting.”

“Yeah, but not cool _er_.” Harry teased, and pushed the boys forward because the line was moving again. Then he turned to push his nose into Louis’ neck. “Have I told you today that I love you?” 

“You have.” Louis giggled, skin tingling from Harry’s breath. Harry pulled back and grinned wide, looking over the heads of the few people that were in front of them. 

“We’re so close, Louis! We’ll be in there, in the same room as them, breathing the _same air_ as them, in minutes.” Harry was back to bouncing on his toes. 

“Right now, you remind me of when we first met. How you wouldn’t sit still and kept startling strangers with your smile.” Louis thought out loud, and Harry blushed. “I think you were even more jumpy then, actually. You spilled a drink on me, you were so jumpy, or was that just an excuse to get at my crotch?” 

“Of course not, I’m not a perve!” Harry said with a grin. But it faltered for a moment, so Louis kissed him until he could feel Harry’s lips quirk back up. “I was nervous, and I was so excited I couldn’t think straight. I was so worried about embarrassing myself, or looking like an idiot, that I just couldn’t stop making things worse. But it was also the most excited I’d ever been about anything in my entire life, so I just couldn’t stop all together. I couldn’t stop talking or moving or staring. I still get butterflies when I think about that day.”

“Me too.” Louis admitted, and felt such a sudden burst of love for Harry that he nestled himself into Harry’s side until there was no space between them, so they were connected from their toes to their foreheads. “You were the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. Still are. Will always be.”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“And you me.”

“And us the world.” Harry added with a little giggle that stopped Louis’ heart. 

“The world hasn’t even got a real taste of us yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theeeeeeeee endddddddddd.  
> Thanks for reading friends!!!! And special thanks to Jenny (leedstbh on tumblr) for getting me to start the thing and Nicki (themanyfaceswewear) for helping me continue/ finish the thing. 
> 
> Love y'all xoxoxoxoxoxo

**Author's Note:**

> I remade on [Tumblr ](http://harryventura.tumblr.com)


End file.
